A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:pls help..im confused, i met a guy 3 months ago,and i really fell for him,.iprior to the relationship i asked if he was seeing some one else, he said no.he dint wanna talk about his past relationships coz he said he want our relationship to be based on uss not the past. he has been good to me,gave me no reason to doubt him.just recently while going through his stuff, i came across photos frm his past, all pretty women,i felt aknot in my tummy,i also saw msgs,nothing sexy frm some women too,i dint ask him for fear he might accuse me of sniffing around.but since then im paranoid.i also found he is registered to F.. Buddy.com, i saw from skype chats msgs that were sexual before we started going out.he wants to go vacation with me 2my home, and to his in our next vacation...he told me he had a messed up past but he is a different person now,should i believe him,im i paranoid,y im feeling bad?should i trust him or not? how do i handle this.im with him every weekend, and sometyms on weekdays,we call eachother more then 4tyms aday...pls help wht is happening to me.will appreciate a mans view on ths.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): Does the stuff you found actually CONFLICT with what he has told you about his past? Or is it just that you didn't wanna think about his past, and now you are being forced to? I can understand if you just don't like being forced to think about it. But unless it's actually conflicting with his version of the story then I don't think it's something to worry too much about.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 What happened before your relationship really doesn't matter much. So, he had some online flirtations, maybe some sex talk. Big deal! He was single.
To me, it sounds like he's really into you, so you shouldn't worry about things he did before you met. What matters is how he treats you and if his focus is on you when you're together. Calling 4 times a day is a lot, that tells me his mind is on you even when you're not together.
The only slightly concerning thing is that account on a hook up sight. I doubt he's using it anymore, but it still is a red flag. The thing is, you can't talk about it because you were snooping and invading his privacy. Also, everything you found was from BEFORE you two hooked up...
I think you need to let the past be the past. Keep an eye out for suspicious behaviors, but I think it's probably best if you give him the benefit of the doubt.
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A
female
reader, hotinlove  +, writes (22 March 2011):
You may be reading into his past too much, he even told you how things are different now. Unless he gives you a TRUE reason not to trust him than you should. Give this guy a chance, just because he used to do something doesnt mean he still does....
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