A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have to ask this question, even though i know what people will reply.really early this morning my partner of 7 years and i had an argument, i was getting ready for work, and we argued, which basically led to him hitting me on the head with a metal pan.it was bleeding so bad i had to phone in sick for work, and get taken to hospital in an ambulance, and get wound glue put on my head.i have an inch and a half gash.he got taken away by the police.i dont know what to do, we live together, we plan to get married next year, this kind of thing has never happened before, and i know youre going to tell me to leave, but i love him.im in shock and i dont want to tell my friends or family because it just doesnt seem real to me.im on my own, and i need someone to help me.should i stay or go? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Do NOT even consider staying, if he's got no self control now what do you think he's going to be like in a year, 5 years, what if you have kids with this guy, one day one of them is crying just a little too much for his likes and he shakes it to death...ever heard of shaken baby syndrome? Look sweetie I know you love this guy and you probably think he will never do it again, it was your fault because you kept pushing him, blah blah blah, I've heard it all over and over and the honest truth is that very FEW men that hit women actually change and stop. It takes some serious work on their part, counseling and anger management classes for starters. I would be a little easier on you if he just pushed you away from him or something in the heat of an argument if you were getting in his face but he took a freakin frying pan to your head....!!!!!?!?!?!?! That's just nuts! Has he ever done anything like this before, ever pushed you, hit you, threatened you, does he yell at you and demean you, make you feel like less of a person or put you down, if you answered yes to any of that, get the hell out now and don't look back, you're young and can find a much better guy out there. If you insist on sticking it out with him, I suggest you move in with someone else, give him an ultimatum of seeking counseling and anger management and when he's done if he's changed then maybe you'll consider moving back in and thinking of getting married, but I would highly doubt he'll actually change. I'm still in shock...a frying pan...next thing will be a knife or a gun!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 You love him,ok,but...don't you care about remaining alive ?
Haven't you got anybody ( a mother,a sibling, a friend ) who would cry if you are dead ?
He took the first thing he got at hand,on impulse. Lucky for you,it was a metal pan. But it could have been a hammer, or a baseball bat, or a knife.
Next time maybe you wouldn't be so lucky.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): If you want to stay with him...stay. But expect it. You ARE warned. You DO know what will happen. But if you need someone to tell you to leave... please, please leave. Not a good situation. I've seen what you will be 20 years down the road, if you are even alive that is. Bad bad idea. Please get out for yourself and NEVER go back. PS... therapy helps and is NOTHING to be ashamed of.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Can you... in your heart of hearts.... imagine making love to this guy again? Getting married? Can you imagine in the middle of that or just prior a flash back to what he did to you? How can you make yourself vulnerable ever again when you know what he is actually capable of? I wouldn't be with a man who did that in a fight with another guy - let alone to me. No. At the moment it is shock. However if your daughter was injured in this way, treated like that.... would you hope she stayed with the guy and never told you? You really owe it to yourself to get support from those who truly love and care about you. For all the women who have been assaulted by their partner and for your own self-worth please walk away.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Yes you love him, but you have to love yourself more. If your guy has enough of a temper that leads him to hit you with a pan then you know yourself this is not what to do. He will make all the promises you can think of, how sorry he is how it will never happen again, do you want to live your life waiting to see if it happens again?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): It's strange that a man like that could go so long without hitting you. I am guessing that you two have a volatile relationship. He did not just slap you but actually picked up a metal pan and hit you with it. You need to leave now, he will do it again if you stay. You are very young and thank your lucky stars you found out the violent side of him before you were married.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 June 2010):
Loving him won't make this better. Next time it might be a knife to your throat, or he won't stop hitting you with the pan. All the love in the world will count for nothing if you're dead. You know you need to leave him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I think you have to talk to someone who knows and loves you. Hiding this isn't going to make it go away. You have to be honest. It did.
I'd also suggest this:
Womens Aid - The premier resource for domestic violence and sexual abuse against women and children in the UK. Has a range of support services from “safe refuges” for those most at risk to just plain old sound advice. Site is awesome but friendly and welcoming so not surprising some victims feel more reassured just visiting it.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk
0808 2000 247 (Freephone)
This how domestic abuse starts, one incident that then gets hidden and there's a honeymoon period. I would be very cautious about trying to hide this from people who love you. Get the support you need now, don't be embarassed or shy about this.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, ruby buttons +, writes (28 June 2010):
 hello
i know you dont want to hear this but you need to see that this isnt right my ex hit me and after i confided in my mum i got out of there becuse once you are married got children it makes it harder to leave, if he loved you then he wouldnt have hit you, is your relationship always so heated? do you fight over silly things take things out on each other, if so maybe a bit of space would help you both maybe go to couple counselling, if this was a one of then what you need to think is what will happen if he gets drunk you have a fight and he does it again. think of your safety.
...............................
A
female
reader, MelissaT  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 wow! you are in a fix! girl you two need to sit and talk it out. But him hitting you means he doesn't care if he hurts you, he knew exactly what he was doing. i know its hard for you, but i have a sis who sometime back was in as exact situation like that, and she stayed with him, however he started cheating like crazy. thing here is that you two are no longer compatible and you need to face it. You can stay with him until you get really tired of all the arguments and possibly more violence, that way it would be easier to leave. remember you are worth more, my personal advice says take a break from each other.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): You already know the answer, you said it yourself. There is never an excuse for violence. Never. And now it has happened once who knows how often it will happen, or what it will take to spark it off. Is that what you want? And as for marrying him? Maybe your leaving will make him get the help he needs to sort out his violent behaviour. Staying and taking beatings won't do that. It will only weaken your resolve to do anything. I know you love him, but love is not accepting violence - its not loving to you or him to allow that. No one can tell you what to do, you must make that decision yourself, but I would advise you to take yourself to a place of safety until you have sorted yourself out. You need al the support of your friends and family - don';t let shame deny you of that. You need them to help you be strong. Counselling would also be a good step to take. Good luck. Make taking care of you your number one priority. You can't really go wrong then. Ask yourself - what do I need to do to take care of ME here - then do it. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, QZ +, writes (28 June 2010):
 You may love him, but how much can he love you if he's resorted to violence? He needs anger management and you two defiantly need time a part. Do you really deserve someone who'll hit you? The answer is, of course, no. So while you might not be able to bear the thought of leaving him now, do you want to be abused and hurt and trapped in a marriage ten years from now, or be with someone else who WON'T hit you over the head? Leave this guy, and find another who cares about you.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 The ONLY way you should stay is if you really enjoy being beaten to death because that is what is going to happen before you know it. Call the cops, report the S.O.B. and move as far away as possible. All of us will say a prayer for you tonight.
...............................
|
