A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When me and my boyfriend have sex i feel in the moment but then i just like become unwet. it is horrible and now i feel like he is getting mad at me for it even though i cant control it. im kinda anti lube.. no clue why it just makes me feel weird. i can try it but then i feel like useless.does anyone know why this could be happening?or any tips to make it stop?
View related questions:
lubricant Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for all your help,i don't feel as bad now lol
if it doesn't stop then i will give the lube a shot thank you guys once again
A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (12 January 2011):
I have actually had that problem as well. I start off really good and then dry up half way through vaginal intercourse. When that happens we stop intercourse and go back to the foreplay part.
It isn't necessarily something wrong with you, however it could be low estrogen levels which plays a major part in vaginal dryness etc.
If you are absolutely against lube maybe get your hormone levels checked.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I completely understand that the lube feels artificial to you, like you need help to have sex, but you need what you need. Many men need viagra to get it up, however much they might be in the mood. MANY women need lube. You like him, right? You're still interested in him, right? You like sex with him, right? If so, and if the dryness is all that's stopping you, then lube is cheap, easy, and safe. It's a simple thing that's extremely common and can even be enjoyable in its own right. If you don't give it a try, he'll start to feel that he's not even worth the attempt and that you don't even want him.
Explain your misgivings to him, talk about it, but don't completely reject the idea that can bring the passion back into your relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I don't get why you're anti lube. If this is a problem, then why not take a simple step to fix it? Lots of women have difficulty getting or staying wet, even with lots of foreplay or being really in the mood. There is nothing wrong with you. But if you're not willing to take easy steps to address the problem, then it's going to make your BF feel like he's not worth even a simple fix to you. That's where is feelings of frustration are coming from most likely.
...............................
A
female
reader, curls-n-pearls  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 Think about what turns you on, and maybe experiment with that before sex?
Sometimes if im a bit dry my boyfriend will give me oral for a short time - this could then make it easier :)
Your boyfriend may only be focusing on his needs; make sure he focuses on you too!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): "but then i just like become unwet"
If there is any history of sexual abuse, rape, neglect, or trauma around sex, then you need to FULL STOP and get professional help.
If not, then, both of you need to slow down. The problem is BOTH of you, and the interaction, and you just need to figure sex out more.
Are you having orgasms? Have you ever had an orgasm? If the answer to both of those is "no", then you are missing out on sexual activity and need to understand your body more.
Do some reading about sex, and what happens in sex. Also understand that this is a problem many people have and work through, but PATIENCE is key on both partners parts.
This "i feel like he is getting mad at me for it" and "i feel like useless" are both emotions/thoughts that actually CAUSE the problem that you are having. These are "triggers" for the problem.
You might want to spend some prolonged time with him having sex without penetration, either oral or mutual masturbation, or just exploring each others bodies slowly getting to know your bodies and your responses.
Good books to read, lots of them, "Becoming Orgasmic" for women (as well as men) is helpful, for couples then "Joy of Sex" and others are useful.
You don't have to get kinky to have good sex, you just have to know what turns you and your partner on.
Work on it together, and alone, and get to know yourself.
I am nearly old enough to be your grandfather, but I've had the experience with a woman who had this very problem, that she had had with in hundreds of partners before (a difficult life that I only knew about later and I'd have thought she knew way more about sex than me) but never was able to work through because she couldn't talk about it, felt useless and ashamed of it. Unfixable? No, when we worked on it and got to know each other, she had no problems except when difficult emotional times would hit (bad memories), and was orgasmic as well as fully able to enjoy the sexual act and feel "useful" and "well used in a good way".
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 It sounds to me like he is rushing it. Has he heard of 'foreplay'. That's the only lubricant you will need. You know he is getting a bit mad, that can also dry you up. He needs to chill and get you in to the mood more. I would say he has the problem not you.
...............................
|
