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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I don't think I will ever have a boyfriend or anyone who will even "like" me.I don't know why... I'm not really pretty, but I think I've got good "brains" and am an intresting person but every time I fall for some guy they'll NEVER feel the same for me! All my friends are in relationships and I feel like I'm gonna be left alone forever.It is really affecting my professional life, since the area I work in demands a lot of self confidence.Why is it that noone will ever like me!?
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male
reader, esepalo1  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Heyn thats your first mistake saying that your ugly and no one wants you your secound mistake is you belive it there is some one for every one people see that when we dont love are selfes how are we gonna love some one else you need to belive in your self and be more confident about your self and dont try so hard on finding some one youll see if you dont look sokme one will come and see you for who you are and not how you and the world think you should be and look society brakes us down on how we should look talk and dress but you as a special person can be you and only you. Thats what makes you special theres no one like you so look deep down in your soul and see there will come a time that the person you find will see that special something you got and only you got.Its all in gods timing not yours.
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 I never said you were these things. I'm talking about how you feel about yourself inside. I don't go to the hairdresser because my hair is greasy, and I don't go to the gym because I'm fat. I go because it makes me feel good about myself.
I can only advise you from my own life experiences.
When you feel good about yourself you exude this light, and people want to be around you. You walk differently, you communicate differently. If you are truly believing you are not worthy of a guy being with you, then that is the message you are giving, the energy you are exuding.
Whether or not you NEED to go to the gym or the hairdresser is immaterial. What I'm saying is that it can make you FEEL good about yourself.
Perhaps something else will be your thing to boost yourself, doing a sport, volunteering at a charity. Everyone has their own thing. The key is to do what makes you feel good about yourself, to stop concentrating on the negative things.
For me, presenting myself a certain way boosts my self esteem. It gives me confidence with the opposite sex.
Every woman looks in the mirror and sees something they don't like. I have an endless list. But I also try to focus on the things I do like about myself. Remember, we look for all kinds of things in a partner, being "pretty" is only a small part, and even thats subjective. Confidence is a huge thing, a positive attitude, being fun to be with.
You need to focus on the positive and not the negative. And its true, when you least expect it, good things will happen.
One night stands won't help either, try to steer clear of them, they will only bring you further down.
I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): i am fit... but my face is ugly and i'm really short sighted - i'll probably be blind by the age of 30~40 - and have to wear glasses all the time! i have a sense of "style" and all that...i don't dress like a nerd or have really greasy hair glued to my head. i take care of myself and i have a really busy social life with friends...i go out every other night, but even if i meet some guy...the most that will happen is a one night stand.
i think i'm doomed. is it that wrong to want someone to "want" you, to want to be with you and be close to you?
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A
female
reader, missmel34 +, writes (3 December 2007):
Sweetheart,Listen I know how you feel exactly.I was in my 30's before dating really started to make sense to me. When I was your age I was exactly where you are now. all my friends had bf's.....me nada.I was everyones friend, but noone really loved me.I guess when I look back, I probably was sending out the wrong messages to people. I was a little overweight, and really didn't know how to present myself.Beauty is how you present yourself, its that simple.Everything I said before I meant. Go and start at the gym, start going to the hairdresser, and and have a facial and get your make up done to show you how to do it to capture your best features. Go and buy some new clothes. Do things to make you feel better about yourself.At the end of the day, its not about the fact that guys don't find you attractive. Its that you don't feel attractive. Now, no one can fix that except for you. Everyone woman feels like this at some time or another. I was 20 before I even had my first kiss, so I do understand.But I think I was just like the Ugly Duckling story, I turned 30 and for some reason I just got it. I worked out that being fit made me feel good inside and out.Please believe me when I say, you are beautiful, you are gorgeous and sexy. You just haven't worked out how to express it yet. Go and join a gym, find a good beautician and hairdresser and start doing things to show just how gorgeous you really are.Thats the secret of being an attractive woman....it truly is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): i don't think you understand... my past relationships are inexistent! the longest someone was able to put up with me was 2 dates! and i was being used to make his ex jealous!all the guys i know will only ever want to be friends with me!even if i feel differently!i'm too unattractive and it's really getting me down!i go to a vocational college (i'm a musician) and i'm surrounded by guys with the same interests!but i'm just too ugly to any bloke wanting to be more than friends with me!it's like there's someone (even more than one person) out there for everyone but me!i can't even sleep at night i just cry myself to sleep cus i feel so lonley!i have amazing friends but i can't tell them how i feel. i'm the one who always lends a shoulder when needed and who plays the though girl but i feel like my inside has been ripped apart! like there's nothing worthy in me... i hate feeling like this!
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A
female
reader, loving_life +, writes (3 December 2007):
Hey, i know exactly how you feel, because i used to feel like that. it can be very frustrating to know that your other friends are out there dating great guys while you are still single. im about to turn 18 and just started dating, so i understand, but you need to just try and think that there is someone out there for you, because the is you just havent met him yet. i met my bf at work, which was the last thing i expected to happen. i like you dont consider myself as pretty as alot of other, but he tells me how gorgeous i am... i completely believe that you will find a guy who sees you as absolutly gorgeous and who wants to be with only you, so dont get your hopes down and just live your life, and one day you will find him :) i hope this helped at least a lil bitxoxo
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A
female
reader, missmel34 +, writes (3 December 2007):
Now I could give you a politically correct answer saying that when the time is right the man of your dreams will appear, and love you for who you are. But from my experience dating is not that simple. Prince Charming doesn't just appear oneday and sweep us off our feet, and our fairy Godmother doesn't just wave a magic wand and make us beautiful.Unfortunately dating is a combination of lots of things. Men are looking for the whole package. Now I could be wrong, and I'm sure people will correct me if I am, but as a woman this is how I see it, lets cut to the chase!Contrary to what we'd like to believe sometimes you have to get out there and make yourself available. And once we've got out into the dating game, we find that each person has a certain criteria they are looking for. Generally men want their woman to be intelligent, funny, creative, confident yet vulnerable, and attractive. And whether we as women want to accept it or not, men are visual beings. There is a difference however between being "pretty" and being attractive. Attractiveness is presentation.Being attractive is not just a genetic factor. Its looking after yourself, and making the best of what god gave you. Men are attracted to a woman who presents well, who is fit and looks after themselves. Its all very well and good to have the "pretty" features, but really how many of us truly fit that stereotypical look of a button nose, high cheek bones and Angelinia Jolie lips. Being "pretty" doesn't mean you are successful with men.Look, being a woman is hard work. Going to the gym, training, looking after our hair, skin and nails. I train an hour a day, I don't eat carbs, spend time everyday exfoliating, moisturising. I have a pedicure, manicure and wax each fortnight and visit the hairdresser every month, not to mention teeth whitening. When I go out, I spend time on my make up and try to dress in a sexy/feminine manner. And I do it for myself primarily, because I like the way I feel when I'm looking good, its a huge self esteem boost. The only difference between attractive women and naturally "pretty" women is about 2 hours a day of hard work....lol. The dating game is hard, but enjoy it. Spend time on looking after yourself, it will build self esteem. Try internet dating, its a great way to meet lots of people, and is great for people who tend to be shy or lack a bit of confidence. Make the best of what you've got. Enjoy being single, get out there and meet lots of people and have fun. Every woman is beautiful, let yourself shine and show it. Be your own fairy Godmother. Finally, you are young. This is the time to work out who you are, to travel, meet people and have fun. Don't get to hung up on having a "serious" relationship just yet. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, maggie1987  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 every young girl feels like that one time in there life . it wont last though when i was 16 i was in a relationship with someone who drank alcohol a lot and i was with him for over a year but one day i had enough and never went back to him. for a while i felt like id never meet someone else but not long after that i did when i wasnt trying to find someone, love finds you - you dont always have to find it now im only 19 and i have a boyfriend a house and a beautiful 7 month old daughter it may sound like im happy but im not always happy i have problems just like you have problems everyone has at least one problem in their life but youll always work though it in the end just try be more happy with being single because one day someone will scoop you of your feet when your not expecting it
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 You are letting your insecurity get in the way of you enjoying life and having the self-confidence that you need. Just because you arent in a relationship at the moment does not mean you never will be. Everyone has their chance. Some people have it early, some people get it late but whenever you have that special relationship, It would be worth the wait. You feel that you should be in a relationship because you see everyone else having one and just because all your previous relationships might have failed it does not mean all your future relationships would . You'll have your time sweetie. Your still young. Give yourself a break. And when you do find that special someone, He'll love you for who you are and your going to thank GOD that you waited.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Believe me although it does not feel like it now your time will most certainly come, and probably when you least expect it, invariably it always happens this way. And who say's you are not really pretty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One day you will meet a guy who thinks you are the prettiest girl on earth. My advice would be don't be in to much of a panic to meet someone, relax, have fun. Put yourself in circles where you are likely to meet potential candidates, like the gym, and evening class, college course ect. But as i said the likellhood is you will meet your soulmate/perfect partner when you least expect it.
All the best & good luck x
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