A
female
age
36-40,
*upcake
writes:This has been bothering me for quite some time and I need some help with what to do.Back at the end of July I found out my boyfriend was talking to his ex over his cell phone, and basically hiding this from me. He ended talking to her on his own before I found out about the calls, and told her they couldnt speak anymore as she wanted to get back together with him and he wasnt willing to do so. This wouldnt have been such an issue for me, IF... at the very beginning of our relationship a year and 2 months ago he was talking to her and I asked him to stop TWICE... he did, but then she called him in March which is when he began speaking with her again about once a week for 3-4 months. This girl has caused nothing but problems in our relationship, hacking into his email sending me things that were suposidly from him, even when he was right beside me while i got the messages... and trying to tell me he was sleeping with her, which i know he wasnt. This girl had even moved to our town a STREET beside ours, so then we moved, and she tryed to get a job at his work. When I found out about the calls, I was devestated, as he knew this was the one person in the world I would be hurt if he spoke to.. So why would he do it?He claims he felt bad as she told him she wanted to be civil with him and he ended it when she wanted more. He was beyond upset when i almost left him, he cried and told me it would never happened again and that he already ended their conversations on his own.. He even cancelled his cell phone, came to my cell phone company and went on a couples plan so that I was in control of the account and ALSo got detailed billing so I could see the calls he makes to prove to me he wont ever talk to her again. He didnt have detailed billing before, I only found out they were speaking because I called his cell phone company. Since all of this we have bought a house together and he asked me to marry him and I said yes... We are engaged now and have had no problems at all with her, so far she seems to have gone away. What I want to know is HOW he could talk to her knowing it would hurt me.. and why he would do that????Its been 4 months now... Should I trust him again??? hes done nothing since to show me he cant... But for some reason I cant seem to get over this... I know this man loves me and we have come along way since with our house and engagement, but I'm afraid to be hurt again, I want so badly to trust him 100%... what do I do????? Please help
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engaged, get back together, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (3 December 2007):
It seems that your man really loves you because i've been in a similar situation before and i love my girl so much that i don't even answer some of me ex's calls. Think of the good times ahead and not the bad times of the past. It seems you are dwelling in the past so much. Just continue loving him and you'll learn to trust him 100% again, just like my woman does even though we are miles apart.Take care.
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Oh my God, I have had EXACTLY the same problems with my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend!! I know EXACTLY how you feel...Message me if you need someone to talk to or some advice xx
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Well since he sort of took advantage of your trust not once, but TWICE then of course you are going to be a little insecure about trusting him. This man loves you and trusts you by giving you his cell phone info. to prove to you he has nothing to hide. He is trying so hard to gain your trust again and i think you should just give him a chance. ITs normal for you to be worried but the both of you have worked through so many obstacles that you would be just fine. Give the guy a break because he is trying so hard to prove to you that your the only one in his life. People can learn from their mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): You can never be 100% sure that the people you love won't hurt you. this is simply because you cannot control their actions. As long as a person has free will, they have the ability to hurt you.But they might not have the desire to do things that hurt you. They might have enough love and respect for you to treat you with dignity and not do things that would hurt you.All you can do is take a risk and put your faith into that person, believe that they will do the right things and do what they can not to hurt you. You have to decide how much you can trust them based on their actions and feelings. You have to examine their intentions. He wants to marry you. He loves you. He wants to be with you. He is not interested in this ex (who sounds downright psychotic by the way). He has gone out of his way to assure you that he loves you and will never hurt you that way again. I suggest you believe him. He sounds very sincere and loving, he is putting it all on the line and giving you access to his cell phone bills, etc. He wants to be open and honest with you, and this is an AMAZING first step towards recovering your trust. He sounds very trustworthy to me. Take a risk! Put your heart on the line! Trust him again! Try to release the feelings of hurt and betrayl, realize that it was never his intention to get back together with this girl, and realize that he never wanted her, he wanted you! Give him another chance, he deserves it, and you do too. You cannot marry someone if you are constantly doubting their integrity and character. He is a good man who wants to do the right thing for you. Let go, feel true love again. You cannot experience true love without trust. You must put your heart in his hands. From the sounds of it, he will treat it right.Good luck babe!xxx
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