A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Im 2 months pregnant and found out 3 weeks ago. I am very confused about what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he is 7 years older than me he says he really wants me to keep the baby and we will get married when we are old enough. My father is furious and wants me to get a abortion. My mum is dead and i have no one really to talk to. My bf is gd to me most of the time but drinks alot and is away alot also and when he gets back he can be very abuisve and on ocasions has hit me. He always says sorry after and has not done it for ages i really love him but dont know what to do i want to finish my courses and have a job and get everything sorted with us.when i talk bout abortion or adoption to my bf he gets very angry and says its his baby to i cant do it. Im really worried and confused. does any 1 have any helpful advice (btw i was on the pill so noting about using protection) plz help xxxx
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female
reader, garrison  +, writes (12 November 2008):
One thing to consider as you weigh what to do... Your child, when he or she arrives will desperately need you, and will for the rest of his or her life. To be separated from one's mother is the most severe trauma any child ever endures. And likewise, you will be haunted by the memory of your child, if you were to decide on adoption. Your will grieve as severely as if your child had died. I know, because I was forced to allow my child to be adopted and I have been depressed and miserable for years. This is the dirty secret of adoption, one that few ever address. Your bf however sounds abusive, so I would get out of that relationship. Talk to social services in your area to see how they can help you. Talk to a center for abused women to get you out of that poisonous relationship. I will keep you in my thoughts and good luck. Keep your baby. Wish I knew how this turned out...
A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Dear poster
I am going to be brutally honest with you hear from a mothers point of view, listen to your dad HE has your best interst at heart although you may not think so now. You are only 16/17 just a girl ok your b/f is 7yrs older than you that means he was too old for you at the start! has he made you life better? does he have your best interest at heart!? he goes away alot? he goes out drinking! he is violent and sometimes hits you! PLEASE get away from this guy he is no good for you or a baby he will not change pet! I t will only get worse babys do not make everything better!
Now no one can make you keep or abort a baby, this decision has to be yours and yours alone. now as you can see from the previous post we have alot of folk on here against abortion so be it but its not up to them but you should consider the option. If you have the abortion yes b/f will prob be off (not such a bad thing) if you keep the baby hoping b/f willchange (bad idea)do you want to be a single mum? do you want b/f in your life for the next 16yrs telling you how to bring up baby wat to do bla bla bla? cause that might happen!I know you think you are being pulled apart here but as I sad I think you dad is right o this one pet, ask professonals about the options talk to a counceller and make your own mind up, do whats right for you, I wish you well in what you decide.
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A
female
reader, chandra Mcmillan +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I send this with the respect of both you and the father of the child. Having a baby is a difficult thing and it does not get any easier. If you are having doubts at the begining of the pregnancy think carefully about the decision you make.There are hardly any risks any more with abortion, dependant on how many months you are. However you need to speak with the father of the baby and explain that you can not do it. You are not ready to be a mother and you are the person that would have to care for the child for 9 months inside of you. I would not say that this is another kind of contriception and you should have been more carefull using condoms or other contreceptives but this is not on your shoulders alone "It Takes 2 to Tango" All I can say to you is that this is a choice that you and you alone can make. Speak with a doctor or a nurse explain the factors and your worries and then spend time talking with your boyfriend. Please think about every step because once you have an abortion you may regret it or you may not. I hope you find the answere you need with in and your partner will understand. Take care
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A
male
reader, Flynn 24  +, writes (8 July 2008):
Why do women feel the need to break this down selfishly.
Once that baby is growing it is no longer YOUR body alone. That baby is real and your body is as much it's as it is yours.
As well as the father should havce equal say, because too often women acti so selfishly in thse circumstances thinking of themselves and themselves alone.
And any woman who aborts a child out of a selfish, self-serving reason should be medically forced into having their tubes tied completely until they atone for their atrociouly inhuman actions.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Rebecky +, writes (29 June 2008):
 Go somewhere far away - take a long drive by yourself or go to a tranquil park where you can just sit by yourself and think things over.
Whether or not you want to have the baby, YOU need to make the decision. It is YOUR body, no one else's. Think about what YOU want in life, YOUR goals and dreams, and what is best for YOU.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): I disagree about the fairness and unfairness of abortions. I think you should consider it even now. It sounds like your BF is not good father material or even good BF material for you.
I know you're strongly attached to him. But that would have happened to a lot of other guys too if you had spent so much time and experience with them instead of this guy. He's not the only guy on the planet that's capable of making you have these feelings, he's just the only guy who has had the chance yet.
Please don't make the mistake of trying to keep & raise a baby with him for the next 20 years, just because you've been in a relationship with him for 2 years already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): i was 15 when i get pregnant from my bf, i was totally depending on my mother during dat time.i was scared to tell her cos she spend her whole life working just for me,for my education & future.but i have no choice just to tell her,she was crying bit angry of course.my bf love me & want to marry me he is older than me 2years.we both still young but his parents are willing to support.but my bf him self dont know how to live wid out his parents,he is also depending on his parents.my mother said I CANT HAVE THE BABY" since im still young,not ready yet for a family by my self & still studying.me & my bf still depending on the parents.my mother said if i continue it she will never support me.& i was scared.i love my bf very much but i can not depend on him thinking of reality.he can not even buy his own shirt widout the money of his parents.& im not sure also dat i can take care of my self widout my mother's help.i follow my mother i made an abortion, during dat time i was very angry to my mother i dont like what i did, my bf was very very angry and his parents too but i did follow what my mother want. 2 months after, i realise my mother was right, im still young & i still have a lots of chances to enjoy my life,she was right i was on stage of puvirty i thought i was really in love but its only a matter of my emotion. my bf & me still together he was angry before but now he realise that to handle responsibilities is not that easy at all.that his anger during that time dat i am pregnant is only his ego as a father & proud. but proud and ego wil not help & healthy to anybody if we dont plan it very carefully.i continue my study my mother help me to use pills.now my anger to her is gone she was very fair & very understanding. i hope this story wil help you, to guide you on which way u will choose. your bf who is obviously not matured enough yet or the father who always be there and care and always love you.sometimes we have to think on the future not only the now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): hi there,
i know what your going threw, i know your confused, cared and angry, i know because i went threw the exact same thing myself some years ago, the difference is i had the abortion, and believe me to this very day i wish i could turn back time, but life doesnt work like that, i tried to commit suicide twice after i came home and i drank my knightmares about my experience away, thank the lord i am ok now but if my advice saves you from going threw the horror i, and not to mention my innocent baby went threw, well then its worth reliving it again, please seek help before making a decision that is potentially going to ruin your life forever, talk to a professional and please dont harm your baby.
may god bless you both and stay strong xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): A lot of mixed views here.
Abortion is, at the very least, a very sticky issue.
You need to think of it this way, if want an abortion could you reallyhold a gun to the baby's head (and it WILL be a head by now, and arms and legs and brain and beating heart to think of it) and pull the trigger?
I doubt it.
But that is basically what you will be doing at this point in the pregancy.
If it is a few weeks and is still just a cluster of cells, it doesn't matter so much. But when it is recognisable as a human, it should be illegal in all but the most dire medical circumstance.
There is always adoption if it comes to that. But if your BF is adamant about keeping it you really need to take that into account. Because that baby doesn't just belong to you. He is right in saying it is half his.
People tend to forget that. They don't think of the father. And believe me he WILL NOT want anything to do with you if you kill his unborn child against his wishes.
Your father, in his own twisted way, is trying to do what he thinks is best. But only you and your boyfriend can decide what that is.
Good luck, kid.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, M! +, writes (13 June 2008):
 please keep the baby. and if you cant handle a baby right now just put it up for adoption. because abortions are so unfair. you had sex, you have to deal with the things that might come out of it..
i just know a lot of people who had abortions who reallllly wish they hadnt. and now they have nightmares all the time about it. My friend was having twins and then had an abortion. she said it was the worst decision of her life.
my other friend had 3, and she really hates herself now. its just so horrible.
the baby is alive. if it wasnt alive then there wouldnt be such things as abortions.
just please dont have one. there are other options.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): Don't get an abortion. You will regret it for the rest of your life. If you really don't want your child, there are others who would. Put your baby up for adoption. A social worker should be able to help you with this. Then, you will be able to sleep well at night knowing your baby is in the care of a loving family who can provide for his or her needs.
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A
male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Your father is someone who has cared for you all your life and I sense that he desires what is best for you in the long run.
If your boyfriend cared about you instead himself, he would have been more careful before getting you into this painful situation.
So please give yourself the chance to have a family when both you and your partner have a healthy relationship and are ready to be supporting parents. There are many adventures left to live and places to discover before that time.
I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Adoption is heartbreaking for the child as it wonders why it isn't wanted; and although you will feel it, the child won't feel anything is it never existed. However it is a very good suggestion.
I am sorry your boyfriend is like that to you, and it is his violence and your father's anger towards the situation that is possibly most concerning. Your boyfriend is a lot older, and possibly more mature, but would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone abusive even though you love him now?!
It's kind of heading for disaster...
I think personally, you should do what you want to do, as in, what you personally believe is right. I know abortion is a hard option, but I think you should at least consider it. Don't jump into anything rash.
I think you should also talk to your boyfriend about this. I think you should also say that even though you love him lots, his abusive behaviour needs to change, and he needs to grow up if he wants this child. This child is a serious matter.
Waiting would annoy your boyfriend but personally, your young and you have plenty more oppurtunities before you get married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I am really sorry that you at your age must be in a situation like this. It is not easy.
I understand that you were using the pill and that this is a totally unwanted or unplanned pregnancy.
If yur boyfriend cares so much for you and this pregnancy, why is he not offering tomarry you now? He is 7 years older then you; what is the right age to him? and why should you take the responsilility of the child on your own, whilst he wants to dictate orders?
I suggest, if he wants to have a say; he should offer his dues, and offer to marry you now.
As for yur father, bear with him; he is probably upset and dissapointed; give him time
It is your decision, and nobody else can make it for you; you have to decide what is best for you; and then also ask yourself:
are you ready to take care of a child
It is not easy and do not rush into any decision, take time to see how you feel and which option will suit you best:
Abortion
Adoption
or raising the child on your own; maybe with the support of your boyfriend/maybe alone
It is a very difficult choice and I hope you take time out, on your own, to make the right decision.
We are here if you need to talk.
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