| A
age
36-40,
*
writes: This is a question for men to answer true or false. If you're female, do not answer. This is an unanswerable question by a woman.Here is the back story, or skip to the bottom for the question.Last night while watching t.v. a character we both really like (male) as a person said: "I think about beign with other girls, but I won't. I made a commitment to my fiance, and I'm serious about it." In this instance "being with other girls" means in a relationship, not sexually or cheating.I said "I hope they don't break up." My husband said, "But all men think that."And I said, teasing, "Ah, you think about being with other women," then added, "I already know you do." (I always suspected.)And he said, "Yes, but all men do."There was no argument or fighting, we had a great evening.Now, the question I have is: True or false: When a man is in a relationship with a woman, regardless of how happy he is in that relationship, he thinks/fantasies about being in a relationship with a different woman.
View related questions:
fiance, teasing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Not many guys could give such an honest answer and get such a reasonable reaction. He's a lucky guy!
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Someone mentioned the family photos, it's so true. There have been a bunch of new studies and thing looking into Facebook and found that in general Facebook makes people feel bad about their own lives. They see everyone else posting photos from vacation, getting a new puppy, getting into a new relationship, and automatically overestimate the happiness of others. It's interesting. So I guess don't let your views of other people's relationships cloud your judgement of your own relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to say thank you so much to everyone who responded. I do admit I have insecurities. I also suffer from chronic illness, which sometimes makes it hard for me to handle my emotions, which is why I will ask a question to get opinions. My illness can cloud my judgement, and I admit and take responsibility for that, which is why I asked this question and did not freak out at my husband.After your responses and my quiet observations of the situation, this is what I have determined: if he has thought about it, it was probably when he was upset with me or something like that. I don't think he's actually planning on this at the moment.I also believe he was sharing this with me and showing me he is feeling more comfortable sharing it, and trusting me. So thank you all very much. (And yes I know women can be horrible, too. I'm sorry to any of you who have been hurt by horrible people.)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): All men do NOT assume the grass is greener. If that was the case, NO marriage would ever hit 20, 30, 40, 50 years.People of BOTH sexes have the PROPENSITY to think the grass is greener WHENEVER their relationship isn't happy or fulfilling. There are plenty of women who cheat on or leave their husbands and go crawling back, just as there are plenty of men who do that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I think it's true for every man (and also every woman). But what's different from one individual to another is how SERIOUS they are about wishing they were in a relationship with someone else. It's one thing to say "I wish I could win the lottery!" and not spending more than a second thinking that, versus being obsessive about it to the point that you're losing sleep over wishing it and it's pathological.
even very happy couples will have thoughts or fantasies about being with someone else but to them they are just fleeting and trivial thoughts and carry no substance. The relationship is not in jeopardy. Just like thinking you'd like to win the lottery - the thought enters your mind and leaves and you don't dwell or make any life changes based on it.
Other men who are in unhappy or unsatisfying marriages, will seriously think about being with someone else and this can really intensify if the "right" new person then comes along. And I mean they are dead serious about really wanting to be in a relationship with a different woman. And many of them actually do follow through on this via divorce or, unfortunately, through cheating on their wives.
so to answer your question: yes all men think about being with someone else besides their partner. But for some men it's a trivial thought, and for others they are dead serious about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I'm going against the consensus here. All men assume grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Its only when maturity kicks in that they realize its a myth.Let me explain more....when you see family photos, everyone is usually smiling, no one shows the picture of them ripping each others hair out. Its not just men, women do it as well, but women do it with relationships not so much looks. When I say relationships, flowers and candy being sent to the office, well it could be because the partner screwed up, but women will never say that. Let me ask you this.....do all ex boyfriends come back and tell you they didn't know what they had? Cause that is grass is greener affect. The best thing you can do is a couple of things. 1.) Make a list of everything you do, clean the house, grocery shop, buy lingerie, etc.... Or 2. Flip the coin (so to speak.....this could backfire but if you are at your wits end....go for it) start talking about how other men treat their partners, and tell him they have offered to take much better care than he can. Good Luck and let me know how it goes. But if you are being disrespected, something needs to stop!
...............................
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (15 September 2011):
 If you can trust each other so that you can confide anything then you've got a great relationship! Looking for trouble where there is none is a sign of insecurity.
Many people who come here are unable to achieve what you have with your husband. Let sleeping dogs lie.
On a lighter note, if all men think about being with other women then I will say that all women analyze their relationships to excess. Good luck and take care!
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 September 2011):
I'd go with A as well.
...............................
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (14 September 2011):
option A...
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (14 September 2011):
For what it's worth I'd say 'A'.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. Here is a follow up question.Because my husband has told me this, and I did not react with jealousy, do you think that: (granted I understand this is just a guess, but which sounds more likely.)A) he was being open with me and confiding in me the way he feels honestly, showing that he trusts me to say what he thinks.B) he was hinting that he is going to be thinking about being with other women, and I should just deal with it because no one would ever just want to be with only me.C) testing me to see if I would flip out and act jealous and crazy (which I didn't.) Although this statement scared me I don't think he is cheating or flirting, but it did scare me, and I am afraid there is possibly one or more girl he is attracted to right now. I know he would be very mad if I said I thought about relationship with another man, even if I said "all women do." He has always been insecure that I will leave him for someone else, it is a shared flaw we both have had, the fear of losing each other. Also, I do not think about other relationship or not being with him. I can't even imagine ever wanting another husband or b/f if he leaves, and I would be utterly heartbroken for a long, long time.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 False, it's unfair of him to generalize "ALL" men fantasize about being in a relationship with another woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 September 2011):
Sorry you said no women, but I'm going to answer anyways. This whole idea that men think and feel entirely differently about things based on their sex is ridiculous. Any man who claims that "all men cheat" "all men blatantly check out other women" "all men look at porn" "all men think about sex with every woman they meet" "all men anything" is just trying to excuse their own bad behavior by insisting that since all men do x, he can't be held accountable for his own behavior.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): During much of my marriage, which failed, I would say yes, that was true for me. Now that I am with someone I am much more compatible with, I would say no...sure, I find other women attractive, but I'm not attracted to them at all.
Don't feel threatened if your man looks at other women. It is natural and healthy while in a good relationship to continue to see others as attractive, so long as it goes both ways and doesn't become an attraction.
"window shopping" as I call it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Can only speak for myself, but I'd have to say false.
...............................
A
male
reader, ironman777 +, writes (14 September 2011):
Hi
I can honestly say that you dont fantasis about other woman sexually unless you have had heaps to drink then you may think about it a little.
BUT - a man in love will remain faithful 99.999% of the time even if a woman throws herself at you.
Even really pretty woman, you dont fantasis about because they are way out of your league.
You dont wake up and go I think I will have an affair today, it just doesnt happen - you need to be missing alot from the relationship before it will happen.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cupid Boy +, writes (14 September 2011):
 He will find other women attractive. But seriously thinking and fantasizing about being in a relationship with someone else? I doubt that is true of all guys, especially if their own relationship is going really well.
Maybe he misunderstood what you meant by "being with other girls".
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): False - if I am in love and happy in a relationship, I do not entertain the idea of being with other women. It honestly just doesn't cross my mind. If I find myself thinking about another woman, that is an indication to me that I'm in a relationship that I'm not truly happy in.
This is just how I work.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Yes.... every man keeps an eye out for a hotter and sexier girl than the one he's with.....
Of course, it's a fool's errand... and it is the basis for dozens - even thousands - of damaged and destroyed relationships... because, even tho' we know how stupid it is... WE STILL KEEP DOING IT!!!!!!
Let's hope that, sometime in the next millenium we (men) can evolve out of this!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Nope. Not true at all. Honestly, sounds like he's just trying to make his behaviour sound "okay" but normalizing it.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (14 September 2011):
False. I can't speak for anyone else, but the idea of a relationship with someone else doesn't cross my mind.
...............................
|
