A
male
age
26-29,
jrns96
writes: Hello.Im writing this to honor the memory of a late friend of mine and to pass on his rather sad story. Im a freshman in highschool.When I met my friend"Justin",I was living in the Bronx in first grade. I asked him what his fave color was."Lellow"I laughed and corrected him.I teased him about this,but he denied it. The Bronx,is really rough and ultimately dangerous.Even we werent safe from all dangers. We stood against the river of despair that threatened to wash us up on the rocks symbolic of failure. The despair came from the adults around us.The knowledge that the adults around us showed what we were to become.We didnt want to be a crackhead,gang member,or drunk. In 7th grade,I moved into a quiet neighborhood,a safe one.I felt a sense of desertion, despite the decision having been out of my control.Justin didn't hold it against me. Recently, I learned he tried to kill himself,using an illegally owned firearm.I was shocked.However,I cant deny we were out of touch.I had no idea what he was going through. He shot himself in the chest,going for his lung.He later told me he realized the idiocy of his decision as he pulled the trigger and dragged himself to a nearby phone for help. He would face repercussions for possession of the gun.But he was in alive! I went to visit him a lot.After a couple weeks,he looked better. He went into a sudden relapse and was deathly ill.Hours before his death,I asked him if he remembered"Lellow"yet.He wheezed at me(a laugh)and said no. At his funeral,I read Emily Dickonson"Because I Could Not Stop for Death"My voice cracked as I said"We passed the schoolyards where children played/At wrestling in a wring"cuz I remembered us doing the same thing. And I keep thinking about his denial of mispronunciation even on his deathbed. Rest in Peace. Thank you for listening. Comments are wlcome, stories encouraged.
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male
reader, oneguy +, writes (8 January 2011):
Hi,
He really liked you to be laughing on his deathbed. His no was his way of showing how much you meant to him.
God bless you. I hope that you grow up to be strong, wise, prosperous, and that your sensitivity and ability to feel for others is always nurtured and supported by wisdom.
Best,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): we thank God atleast he wasnt responsible for killing himself, its a good thing he had the chance to realise that his life was important and taking it away would be wrong. Im sure the denial was a continuation of what you both saw as a joke which you both knew the truth behind. Take heart be strong
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): It takes a brave heart to know you can live through a lot. But when it is too late, no one can turn back. Even though your friend was a lucky boy after he pulled that trigger, death wasnt the answer. It Feakin hurts. By life pasted by, it was already to late.
Your good friend to stay by his side. Its all anyone can to when your friends need you the most.
The better good memories hold a stronger bond to beloved ones.
I would share a story, but i even after 11 years, its still a painful one to tell. At age 3-5, its amazing how i can still remember how clearly everything was... My mommy and i were very close. I like to think because she left while i was younger was because she loved me enough to let me know its okay to miss her when shes gone. That she is always with me. Im crying now.
Xoxo
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 December 2010):
 It's both good and a shame that he realized what he was giving up when it was too late. Thank you for sharing this. When people kill themselves, they are often in a pit of despair and unable to see all those out there who love and care for them. They also don't see the hurt they cause others. It's an incredibly selfish act.
I'm very sorry you lost your friend. Thank you for sharing this story.
Living takes courage but it's worth it.
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