A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 20 years old and im about to join the army. I have never thought about having a baby before. I always said i didnt want one. But for the past few months everyone seems to be getting pregnant around me and its making me want one myself. My mom wants another baby as well but she's been sterilised so she wants me to have one. I dont have a boyfriend but all i can think about is having a baby. I know that this would jeopardise my future but i dont know what i should do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ashlydance33  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I'm twenty, single, and in a few months I'll be joining the army and it seems like all my friends are getting married and having babies. I can relate to you very much. I want kids very badly. I would love to have a baby but I know now is just not the ideal time. If I had a baby now, it wouldn't do either of us any good. I wouldn't be able to provide for it properly or do all the things I have planned before settling down. My life would no longer be mine, I would be living to raise my child, and I am not ready for that. Not to mention, I want to have a child with a man I am in love with and that I can trust to stick around for the rest of my life and that of our child.
Having a child is a serious decision that should be made between you and the father, not you and your mother.
Focus on your career and the betterment of yourself. Your future family will be glad you did. Best of luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 March 2010):
Focus on your career first. There is no point in having a baby only to find yourself tied down and not able to support it. You're being influenced by those around you, and not yourself. If you want to join the army, do that first. You only have to stay for a few years, then you can decide what you want to do. Remember a baby will be there for life.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Go join the army and see the world first . Enjoy life to the fullest before you settle down with diapers,boredom and endless routine chores.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (8 March 2010):
 i think you should focus on your career then perhaps finding the right man to have a child with.. your mom may want a child but she shouldnt make you have one more so when you dont have a boy friend that just seems pure selfish..all i can say is dont become like alot of people have a child and no stable home to bring one up in. dont have another child who wont know its dad.. i always believe a child should be raised into a family of love not an oddity their are too many things going wrong with children today dont make the percentage higher.. go have a career a child can always come! just make sure its right for you and not what everyone else is doing.. this choice should be you and your partners not you and your mum.. good luck aphex
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male
reader, Kenj +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Your still young, you have time for both, but dont just do it to please your mum only do it for the right reasons.
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A
male
reader, Shashi  +, writes (8 March 2010):
Some things to consider before you make any decision. You have given a very short preface about your situation. Based on what you've written, you were not really into babies but were quite certain in the way you wanted your future to be, right? Only in the recent past, when you saw people around you getting pregnant then the desire for a baby rose, also you feel like you want to accede to the desire of your mother, but the other side of the question is what is the more and whose desire are we talking about. Mother's desire, desire based on contrasts (i.e. one fuelled by seeing others having something that you don't) or your own desire. I belive that you should not look at momentary desires, they may give you short term joy but you may regret it later. Specially when it comes to a baby, you should never take this chance...having a baby is a special moment and one that should never be regretted later in life, come what may. From what you've written, your future is very important to you. So my advice would be to join the army and find your ideal man (as you said, you do not have that person with you now), settle in life and then get the baby. It will be beneficial to all around. You will also be able to give a better life to your baby then, you will have more experience, you will be earning, you will be more confident about yourself and the decisions to make...think about it...I see all the many positives that await you based on a little bit of discretion that you apply now...Wishing you a happy life, Shashi.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (8 March 2010):
 First of all having a baby is not something you get based on an impulse. IT is a lifetime commitment and it is obvious to all how the commitment is regarded less and less as time goes on by those who have neglected to count the costs or take responsibility for their actions or decisions.
Moreover it is YOUR decision and not your mother's. Just because she has had some misfortune does not mean it is your responsibility to make it right even though she is your mother.
Lastly you should consider how the child will grow up. You can look into all the research over the last 20 years and find that kids who grow up in broken homes, single parent homes or homes without some kind of consistency, end up in pretty bad shape and mimicking the same practices as their parents.
My advice...go to the army and wait til you find someone who you are willing to work at spending the rest of your life with to have kids. You have the rest of your life to either plan to make a good decision or pay for a bad decision.
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