A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am planning to leave my wife, but I am really scared of her - not that she is gonna beat me up or anything.The other day we were having a argument and she punched me - I was too shocked, even so she has hit me before. And she blames me for "making" her hit me. She would say sorry after a hour and promise never to hit me. What makes this event worse is, she was gonna report me to the police for hitting her... however I have recorded her stating she is gonna frame if I leave her.She says she love me and everything but I'm starting to think she just needs me. Since I've been with her, I have help from ill health, improved her confidence and made her a better person. Her friend will tell her of her improvement and how happy she appears.We do have good times too, but I'm currently weighing up the pros and cons of leaving her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): Just leave her, move back in with your family and forget her.
You cant win here, and simply put being punched isnt a valentine is it?
I know as a guy its embarrising to admit it. We really are over a barrel arnt we. I honestly wouldnt tolerate some silly b%^&* hitting me.
So i think you should just end it, because one day she will go to far....it will just happen...and you wont even know what you did, but she will be on the ground holding her face and you will be the one arrested
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo kids and I have not bought a place with her, so currently renting.
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A
female
reader, IvanaToke  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 any kids?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI been with her for two years and been married for a year.
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A
female
reader, IvanaToke +, writes (9 March 2010):
How long have u been with her?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 All the "good" you did for her might be meaningless. See a family lawyer right away BEFORE you leave. You need EVIDENCE. A lawyer will explain to you what you need for evidence of her abusing you.
Just to give you an idea. In parts of the USA and Canada, if a man and woman get into a fist fight, and even if the woman admits to the police that she started it and hit first, and he was defending himself...HE is still the one that gets arrested because he is being charged by the state, not his wife. See where I am going with this?
I would actually suggest a marriage councilor, if for no other reason, get a professional to log this incidents where she admits she hits you, and that you do not hit her back. You may or may not be able to use these in court if it comes to that...maybe a marriage coach instead of a therapist for the ability to use those documents in your jurisdiction. Again, a family lawyer will help with that.
If you do leave her without planning, you need to be sure that she can not freeze your accounts and limit your access to resources. Think this through. Take care of your business first...the law is not in favor of men at this point in time. Finally, look up some men's advocacy groups on the internet (use a computer at an internet cafe, not at home where she can track it) from your area.
Good Luck in dealing with your emotionally and physically abusive wife.
-Frank Kermit
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 March 2010):
I'm so glad you recorded her saying that she's going to frame you. Now get a lawyer and divorce her. And keep that evidence. Also, remember to record the other conversations as well. They'll go down well with the police and the judge.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe isn't all bad, she is a nice person. And sometimes I am at fault but I can't be with her anymore.
The other day i bought her a drink after her bath, she did not even say thank you. I ask her "ain't you gonna say thank you?" and she replied "you always get me a drink after i have a bath", I did not say anything else cos I was in no mood for a aurgument.
Everything is my fault, I mean everything... someday I can't do anything right. I spend time with her, watching her silly shows and taking a interest - she will not do the same for me or my interests.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 In every marriage, there will be up's and down's and there are fights often.
I hope that you can work at your marriage and seek those professional help if you cannot handle them.
Give your best and hope for the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Hun, I think that you need to get your wife to an anger counsellor for help... if in the event she does frame you for striking her, at least you will have proof that she is attending counselling for her anger issues.
This should weigh in your favour should she decide to go through with her threat.
I do not agree with her that you made her hit you, it is a case of telling you that she is not to blame for her actions, you are.
I am sorry to say but I dont see a future in this relationship, and with any relationship where there is emotional or physical violence, I urge you to make your plans to leave her. I do not believe this situation will improve at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): you need to speak to a lawyer and your local law enforcement. And when someone hits you it is not because you "made them." that is a cop out. You need to get out of this abusive situation. Good luck, mal
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A
male
reader, redjpd  +, writes (8 March 2010):
Hi - I think you should leave. You cannot stay in a relationship were you are scared. You are being abused physically and mentally by your partner - get out.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Providing she didnt punch you in self defence, which I doubt. She cant love you that much if she punched you.
You should go to the police and report it, they will put you in contact with a support network for just this kind of abuse.
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