A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend(ex) over a year ago...we got along very well spent almost every day together talked for hours and hours and never seemed to care about anyone but ourselves.about 7 months into he he suddenly started to pull away and i felt it but did my best to keep him close - i realize now all i did was push him away while doing that-anyways he told me there were a lot of reasons why he didnt want to be with me anymore. one reason that hurt the most was that he could no longer over look the fact that i am not a Dress Size 2...that he over looked it becuase he wanted this relationship to be based on more than looks and shallow fake feelings. I am over weight(size 16) but I know that i am pretty -however from being his queen to suddenly being too fat for him and not pretty enough made me lose a lot of self confidence- i told him i would do anything to have him back and lose all the weight after i have our baby. the thing is, is that i know all his other girlfriends were close to my size none of them where skinny. they all have curves. so why am i being cast aside when all ive done is love him? he says thats not the only reason he says he doesnt like my temper - hes only seen it 2 or 3 times when he has actually done something to make me so enraged i lose my mind however hes doing it while im pregnant and obivously prego hormones are way worse than 'normal' hormones. he says im the nicest girl he's ever met he knows no one will ever love him the way i do and he knows he will regret what he has said to me. we still talk daily because i am carrying his child i know he doesnt deserve me but hes the best thing that ever happened in my life. is there any hope for us?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you every one for your advice and opinions and support...
like i stated before i know i am beautiful it just hurt so badly to have some that i loved so much say something so cruel. ive never hurt anyone intentionally and he says i dont deserve to be treated the way he's treating me thats why he wants to be apart from me. we were so close that it was one of those he only felt comfortable 'blowing up infront of me' cuz he knew i'd never judge him and i knew i could cry infront of him (not the case anymore) and never be judged either... we both have family issues going on and we were each others rocks...
anywho to the annon who suggested i get exercise in. pre pregnancy i ran 6 miles 5 days a week i was on track to get to a weight i was comfortable with before he even opened his stupid mouth.
as for him he claims now that when i bring it up it did hurt him to say it cuz he knows hes just a shallow person for saying it. but thats what he prefers (even though as stated previously none of his other girlfriends where a size 2 or even a size 10 for that matter! they all ranged in a size 16-22. one girl i do know of was skinny but she was only a fall through hook up) he has admitted that he says things to me just to hurt me and make me mad to push me farther away from him.
i have actually given up all hope on him. i wish we could make it work but its wasted actions. and as for him 'growing up' he is 30 years old. and this is not his frist child. its his first with me. but he has other kids.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Ok for now i think you need to concentrate on you and your baby at the moment, taking him out of the picture set up home for you and your baby it will give you something to focus on, it would probably be better talking to him also and asking him what part he is going to play in your childs live and get things sorted about access and maintenance payments from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): Do you really want a man like him in your life? I think he will come back to you later, when his ready, his just too young to settle down, and he made that decision before your pregnant, maybe his friends comments.
I really think you should go about your day. Get in some excercise too, stop complaining here and walk up the hill, get out and about, change your attitude...your figure will flow, and that's what I think he will need to get back with you. I dont think its about your weight so much as your attitude to life..... Besides you have a beautiful baby growing inside you, embrace it, take it out and let it get all your happy hormones going.
When he sees you happy, and really living life he will like who you are, and if he doesn't someone else will.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (12 November 2010):
As an average dude, I am not afraid to admit that I would never sleep with a size 0 or 2 woman. I love the idea of my woman having feminine curves and there are tons of other guys out there who agree with me.
Studies have actually shown that most guys prefer women with more meat on them, however societal influence and peer pressure to fit into the norm have made young men tell themselves that they are supposed to like skinny women. Eventually that grows on them and they become too pitiful and cowardly to admit that that's not what they want. Its not right or fair, but its what happens.
Women naturally have a higher body fat percentage and a wider figure, for reproductive purposes and someone women have been told its no longer beautiful. To me, nothing is more beautiful than a mother along the way. Its a shame to see someone in a beautiful stage of her life being treated like she has.
You are not too fat to be loved. Don't think that his opinion is equal to that of every other guy. There are plenty of us who like seeing curves, even if most of us won't admit it out of fear of being rejected by society/other guys. I remember finally admitting it to my friends that curves are amazing to me, and after expecting to get ridiculed, they all just nodded and agreed with me, spending the rest of the day talking about it. A lot of men love the womanly figure; its what separates their body from the male body and gives it creativity.
I know this is a tough situation seeing as you're pregnant with your child. You did say he was emotional when talking about it; maybe its something he'd just been feeling lately and maybe he even regrets saying it. Maybe some more communication on the issue will get you to see exactly what was going through his head. Maybe he thought the other reasons for breaking up weren't enough so he thought he'd make you mad by ridiculing your weight. Its hard to say. I'm sorry for your situation, but just know that your pregnancy is beautiful and your curves are beautiful. Being healthy is important, but don't give up that God given shape, thinking you'll attract better guys because of it.
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A
female
reader, sugarcandy +, writes (12 November 2010):
I think he was just using a stupid excuse to break up with you.. that he doesn't really think you're "too fat", but can't bring himself to tell you outright why he wants to break up with you.
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A
female
reader, Debking79 +, writes (11 November 2010):
 I ditto the first two agony aunts who responded to you. I would like to add: If he is making you lose your temper, and you feel justified in it, and he uses that as an excuse to not be with you, then it will only get worse in the long run.
I am only assuming from your post that you are not normally a hot head. I am not either. I have had two bf's in the past who both really knew how to push my buttons. I have heard that can be a good thing if the make-up is genuine and passionate, but I am sure that is rare in a healthy relationship.
Some men we fall in love with are not cut out for long term commitment. Some work out their problems, some don't. You cannot be the person to help him through it. He may realize you are wonderful, but if he has no self esteem he will only continue to project that onto you until you cut him off. I think the best thing is to move on, and let him go romantically. Are you in love with him? If so, your best bet at helping him live a happy life right now is to let him focus on being a good dad and working out his own issues on his own.
I don't mean to say I am absolutely right, these are just my thoughts. I hope they give some outsider perspective. :)
Cheers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNO he broke up with me before i knew i was pregnant. he said he never wanted to tell me that becuase it hurt him so much to say it cuz he knew id be hurt forever. he cried when he said it but HEY he still said it.
to be honest i havent gained much weight ive gained about 10 lbs total. and trust me I DO EAT.
he on the other hand has gained about 30+ pounds. something i laugh at. cuz thats KARMA right there.
he is well was the best thing in my life until he decided to say that. even now if i bring it up he gets very angry about it and says im throwing it in his face. how if he said it? im not twisting his words im saying what he said verbatum...
also the baby is healthy and growing on just fine :)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2010):
 You're pregnant! There's nothing you can do about that weight now, he should be looking more at the glowing mother of his child than the pounds you have put on! All pregnant women are beautiful..he wants his child to be healthy, right?
So he started to pull away when you got pregnant and gaining the weight? He's the best thing that have ever happened in your life? You've been dating some real class act jerks. I suggest you let it go with him, he seems rather shallow and uneducated about pregnant women, also I question his readiness of fatherhood. Right now the best thing in your life is the baby growing inside of you, concentrate on him/her and not on your ex. Unfortunately, if he chooses, he will be in your life because of the child you share. You'll drop the baby weight after you have the baby..right now that weight is much needed.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (11 November 2010):
Hi well its hard to tell because am sorry but he needs to start acting like a man, growing up and taking responsibility for his actions.
First off no man should ever use a girls weight as an excuse not to leave her, a size 2? Are you being serious, that is disgusting. And to make it even worse you are pregnant so off course you are going to put on a few pound this doesnt mean that you are over weight, at least you are womenly and you have curves you should be proud of that and tell yourself that it is his loss, he never even concidered how you would feel just told you this anyway knowing it would hurt you and knock your confidence.
Also yes your hormones will be all over the place at the moment so you may get moody and the stress that he has brought on you while you are pregnant is unforgivable, he sounds very immature and he needs to step up to the mark, he will soon have a child to look after and he cant treat the mother of his child the way he has treated you, am guessing he has freaked out about settling down and he is a coward and left you.
To be honest am not sure if there is hope for the both of you, only he can answer that one, it might be a great benefit if you both sat down and had a heart to heart but please tell him he was out of order and he cant treat you like that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): He may be having cold feet about the baby thing, so maybe he just needs space to let life digest. Sometimes people look for reasons to break up if they fear the unknown horizon.Unfortunately there's no way to know if he's a "fight" or "flight" person over the internet. He'll either take on the responsibility, or he'll run from it. I know guys in both camps.You can't force him to stay with you, and as hard as it is, you probably should just go along with him wanting to have space. Just make sure he knows your feelings, that's about all you can do.Try to think of your baby now and that baby knowing his/her father. If you burn your relationship with the dad, it'll only make things harder on the child (probably you too). If you can at least have a truce there, it might make for a more enjoyable life for all of you.
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