A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I've been broken up for 2 months now and my ex girlfriend has been in a new relationship about a week after she ended things with me. This guy she met while she was still involved with me. She said that I was truly a wonderful person that she wants to be friends with but sees no romantic future with me. She found that her being older and that we were in different stages in our lives difficult to continue a relationship. I never knew she felt this way and always thought she was happy with things the way they were. I was more then happy to settle down with her and to make her happy for the rest of her life. So when this happened to me I was in shock. The problem is that previous girlfriends in my past have said that they don't see a future with me either and in less then a few weeks have already found somebody else and they end up saying that they want to be friends with me. I consider myself a sweet, affectionate guy who treats women with respect and who loves doing things with his girlfriend yet I keep running into girls that just don't see a future with me. I just don't understand is there something wrong with me? Do I need to be more aggressive towards women? What can I do to change? because my heart can't take anymore of these kind of heartbreaks and i'm losing hope that i'll actually find that special someone for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice! In the beginning told me how special I was and even stated that if i treated her right then she would be with me forever. I guess in the end those were just words. When we both started out the relationship we were just two lonely people that found comfort and care in each other's arms. We shared many interests and occasionally talked about our future together. We were both looking forward to it in fact but then her attitude started changing as our relationship went on. Her personality was never really that strong and we could actually communicate when needed.
I should add that she has a daughter and I always got along with her really well. But she thought I was too young to be a step dad. I never once complained about her situation and was always there when she needed an ear to listen.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 I'm hearing that you are choosing the wrong type of girl over-and-over again more than I am hearing that there is something wrong with you, my friend! Really! You sound like the type of guy that every girl wants hopes she will meet!
The first woman was right about being older and the fact that you are at different stages - both are legitimate concerns - but she shouldn't have entered INTO the relationship knowing how she felt. Probably not a great choice for you either when YOU entered into this as well!
Being in roughly the same place in your lives and heading out in the same direction is an essential driving force in making you both feel like you are sharing your lives together; it's one of the things that I think IS what bonds couples. You both weren't on the same path. I got a card for my husband once - It said that happiness doesn't consist of gazing into someone else's eyes; but in looking forward in the same direction together. Sappy, but true.
If your head isn't in the same place as your heart, it's just not going to work, so you have to be sensible and thoughtful when you choose a mate. It's not just chance; it's a choice.
As far as disappointments in love go; it's something that all of us go through. I have said it many times; these things can't be forced and the harder you look - the more desperate and fed up you will get.
Focus your energies into your passions and your pursuits right now - It's the best way to meet other like-minded people. It may sound trite merely suggesting "hobbies & interests" but when you are enthused and engaged; other people are drawn to you - so go out and try a few things that you loved growing up that may have been neglected lately - you may meet a whole new group of friends and she might be there looking to meet you... Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): I have a friend basically in the same boat as you. Nicest guy out there... totally the dude girls describe when they are describing their future husband... but women sometimes say one thing and do another (sometimes?)
It's the nice guy finishes last idiom. I'm sorry. It may just be your age bracket, it may just be the pool of girls you're dating within.
My advice is to not try too hard. Just keep your cool and let things come to you. It's like losing your keys. The harder you try, the more frustrated you get... and still no keys. Sit down, relax, quit looking... and boom, there they are.
Just my 02.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010):
Are u into women with stronger personalties than yours? Do you tend to pass their needs before yours?
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