A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I asked a guy out at the end of September that I had been crushing on for the whole summer. (he's 29 I'm 21). I was proud of myself that I was so straight forward with him. I asked him on a date and he explained he didn't have time. So, I straight up told him I really liked him. Apparently he already figured it out. I asked him how he felt about me and he said "well... we're... friends..." UGH! it was like pulling teeth to get him to say it! I asked if we were JUST friends and he said yes. Well, a month goes by and I hadn't seen him because he got a Halloween job (he works as a barback at this bar I frequent). The first time I saw him after he came back he was extremely talkative which is weird and he wouldn't shut up for 2 hours. Then he always makes sexual jokes towards me. I've been giving him the cold shoulder as of late because I really want to move on but then he starts being all touchy feely giving me a lot of hugs and wanting hugs whereas before he always said he didn't like hugging people. This last month and half he has been staring at me allll the time. all of my friends have noticed this and say that every time I have my back turned he'll walk by and stare. He did this before I asked him out too, but now he does it so that I catch him staring. It's very obvious and its making it hard for me to move on... in fact I'm afraid I've fallen for him again. A part of me is hoping he's realized he made a mistake but I know that's just wishful thinking. Why do guys do this? And what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE.. sorry i haven't said anything. its been really busy around here. yeah he's a jerk... last night i went to the bar for my friend's birthday and i was just messing around with him and i stole his hat. when he got it back he goes "aww great now no one is gonna wanna date me cause it smells like other girls." that REALLY got on my nerves in fact im still really irritated that he said that. i guess im a no one then huh? my friends were just joking around and told him "nooo that will get you all the ladies because they'll think you're a lady's man." he was a lot more flirty and playful when i was acting aloof and disinterested. this is really stupid. mind games are childish and at the age of 29 you would think he would realize this. and at times he would jump in conversations at random times and just talk about complete nonsense just to say something. and at the end of the night he didn't even say goodbye or give me a hug this time. i hate this game of push and pull. when i'm clearly not interested he "seems" like he is. when he is acting that way i get hurt. it's a no win situation. i just have to accept this and move on.
and to answer your question no he hasn't been in a relationship for a long time. in fact one of the things he said last night was something about not having sex for a year so he was practically a virgin again. HA!
one of my guy friends said something along those lines too... that he knows he can have me if he wants. sad to say he's wrong about that. regardless of my somewhat obscene sense of humor at times i am a lady and i deserve to be treated as such.
A
female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 do nothing. If he wants to ask you out the ball is now in his court.
He knows your are/were interested and his actions MAY be him trying to gauge if you still are. This MAY be because he has decided he does fancy you (perhaps the break from seeing you made him realise this), or it MAY be because he wants to massage his own ego. The only way to find out (without asking him directly) is to wait and see if he asks you out.
Was he in a relationship (or recently out of one) when you asked him out? if so this could explain his reaction at the time. It may also have just been a bad time emotionally for him due to something your not aware of.
My instinct though says...
This is the season where single people feel incredibly lonely (along with valentines day). Knowing someone likes you is an incredible feeling, and for some people having someone you dont like that much around is better than noone at all.
Sorry I cant be much help x
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A
female
reader, adoresdior +, writes (14 December 2011):
okay, so honestly I feel that since he knows you like him and you were that aggressive him with him by asking a guy out that he think it'll be easier to have sex with you. I'm sorry but if a guy really liked you and he was actually interested you he would take bigger steps. Has he took the time to get to know you? Dooes he call you just to see how your day was? Or try and spend time with you? Being touchy and flirty does not mean someone is into you. If he didn't want you before what makes you think he wants you now, sorry if that was rude b ut I hope you know what I'm trying to say. Being that straight forward isn't a good idea with guys.. I think it sends out the wrong message... Plus don't you want a guy to come to you instead of you chasing the guy? I would compeltey cut ends with this guys and try your best to not see him, it's just going to make things harder for you
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