A
female
age
30-35,
*hepolarbear
writes:Hello there cupids, I shall try and keep this as short as I can. I had to come to all of you for your advice as this is driving me nuts!So basically, I really like this friend of mine, we shall call him 'bob'. Me and bob used to go to school together and we used to be really close friends, the type that would hang out for hours, have a laugh, he'd walk me home and then he would ring as soon as I'd shut the front door and we would be on the phone for hours. We ended up loosing contact for 2 years, because of college and different friends, the usual things. I also suspect we lost contact because of a slightly drunken night we spend together. At the time my recent ex and I had broke up. On that one night together bob kept telling me I shouldn't even think about being with my ex, I could do better. I may have imagined it but I had a feeling he was hinting at something that night. But then I stupidly got back with my ex and lost contact with bob. I thought about bob on a weekly basis, I put it down to missing my best mate. But now I'm not sure. I got hold of bob the other night through a social network, I was sure he wouldn't reply but he did and we swapped numbers, texting until 3am and met up the night after. We hung out with two mates of his before going back to his house to watch some comedian, I could tell he didn't want to hang with his mates too long and he was in a rush to get out there and get to just us in the car where he brightened up and we had a laugh like old times. Back at his house he asked me to sit next to him when we put the DVD on and within two minutes pulled me into a cuddle. We stayed holding each other all night, holding hands, he stroked my stomach and back, tickling me, picking me up when we stood up. He dropped me home at half 1, even though he had to be up at 5, refusing to let me go before then.Now this is where I'm confused. He is quite blunt on his texting. He always was but he is more hard to read these days. He has gone through alot in the last two years, his dad died, his mum had cancer, he and his gf broke up shortly after me and my ex did. I just can't read him. He was blasé about when we would see each other again although I know we're both busy with work (I do night shifts) and his bday is this weekend so I know he will be busy.I just can't read him, it's hard to know if he likes me the way I like him or not. He is just so easy to be with, always have been, and I missed him so much through the 2 years. Can anyone give me any advice/opinions on what to do here? Do I take the plunge and let him know how I feel after meeting up a couple of times or is he just not interested? Has anyone been in this situation before? Sorry to have a long question but there's alot to this lolthanks :)
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male
reader, landomando  +, writes (14 December 2011):
i say dont let him initiate contact you do it! Guys are dum (im a guy and can admit/say it) we dont always know what signs we are giving and what we are receiving. Let him know how you feel. once you do that we start to act on it. and I agree with lovelessact1 lol this isnt the 19th century. He may be to shy to read the signs or act on it. I know i would be. maybe next time you guys watch a movie and cudle and he starts to touch you and rub you just give him and kiss. see how he responds... I know for guys when we, or at least when i touch a girl, I want to see how she responds too it soo I dont take advantage or break a boundary... i think alot of guys fears are reading a sign wrong and initiating something then realizing u got it all wrong. then having an awkward situation. and i know between friends thats probably his fear. He is obviously interested in you. Cuddling touching... You have to show something too him. even if u have maybe a lil more obvious... WE ARE GUYS! lolGoodluck!
A
female
reader, brittanyc58231 +, writes (14 December 2011):
I would have to say that, i personally feel that you should ask bob,if he has any feelings for you, you cant keep on trying to be a mind reader, but from what you explained i feel that he probably appreciates you alot as a friend, and not looking for anything serious with you....best thing is to ask him, so you dont waste your time
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 December 2011):
I'm going to say take the chance. All his mannerisms while he is with you suggest he is indeed interested. The laughing, the late night (or early morning) texts along with all the tickling and cuddling clearly point to interest.
If he's too dull to come out and say it, then take the reigns yourself and ask him about it. This isn't the 19th century; women commonly ask men out on dates nowadays and it shouldn't be regarded as weird or out of place.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 December 2011):
 The darndest thing about such difficult-sounding questions as your's is that the solution is SO simple.....
IF you want to know what Bob is thinking... ASK Bob!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): The only person who can tell you all this is Bob. You know him better than us but you just can't trust a person being affectionate one night as a sign of interest. Especially us guys because when single we will get affectionate with close female friends if we think we can and only because it feels good at the time. You see the logic behind this is, if nothing is said then the girl has no reason to think we led her on especially seeing as we're friends and didn't cross any line into sexual activity.
OP if he's not actively trying to get you to meet up with him again then in my book he's not really interested. Acting blasé is fine, lots of people "play it cool" but he'd still be making an effort to spend time with you. I mean come on his birthday is a perfect excuse to spend some time with you but it seems it's more of an excuse not to the way you're talking about it.
I say leave it to him to initiate contact. The ball is in his court now. If after that night he still doesn't bother to contact you to meet again then he's not interested. OP even people who play it cool don't wait too long. Don't contact him but be available for him to contact. If in the next week or so he doesn't then he's not interested in you enough in my opinion.
For the next week let him contact you first and see. Take note of the time too because a 3 am text on a saturday night means he's probably drunk and those texts mean nothing. Be careful here OP. I have to say though OP you're making yourself very easy for him. The last night you spend together before your reunion you hooked up, now the first night back you let him get handsy as hell. Try not to make this too easy for him or he may just take advantage, he has shown no real signs of actually being interested in anything with you other than to fool around so far. So let him make a bit of an effort, he will if he's interested and if he doesn't then he's not. Either way though OP if this goes on like this for the next couple of weeks then you're going to have to talk to him about it, in the very least you will get closure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): I had a friend who was the most amazing guy friend I had, we lost contact with each other when he started going out with a girl and I met a guy. I thought about him all the time during our time apart, and I missed him. I found him again last year on a social networking site. I was convinced he wouldn't accept my friend request or answer my message, but he did and we spent 14 hours talking to each other. Fast forward a year and we are now in a happy relationship, and planning for our future together. I took the chance and told him how much I liked him and everything has gone from there. My advice is take the plunge and tell him how you feel, and see what happens. Even though it's scary to tell him how you feel, it is far better than spending the rest of your life wondering "what if". It may work out like it has for me, and it might not but at least you will know for sure either way. I hope this helps, good luck with it. I think you have a good chance by the way.
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