A
female
age
41-50,
*oker071275
writes:So I've been dating this guy for a few months. Everything has been going pretty good for the most part. Then yesterday, he kind of threw me for a loop. He sent me a text that said "Blow jobs are like flowers for guys on Valentine's Day". I was taken by surprise - especially since it was Valentine's Day and all. I asked him what that mean and he kept laughing and saying that he was being cute and funny. I told him I didn't think it was very funny and then he got angry cause he said it was "just a joke". Should I have been offended? I'm not a prude or anything, but I thought this was a bit vulgar to send to your girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Especially since he says the reason he is dating me is cause he wants a "sweet" girl, not a "vulgar bar whore". I'm confused!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 February 2012):
 He posted about you giving him a bj and burping on Facebook? Really? Is he like, 18 years old? No, wait, that's insulting 18 year olds....
His humor, is um, well, um... juvenile to the extreme. And sharing private sex info for all to read? Um.... that's not juvenile, that's inconsiderate, rude and thoughtless.
If you are happy to 'enjoy' his brand of 'humor' from now, on, good on ya. I'd be done with this particular guy if he'd done these things to me. Just a basic lack of class and common sense. I can only see it continuing. Yuck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2012):
 If he sent you flowers I might find it less crude and maybe I could laugh... but I don't think his humor is very ... evolved. Specially not for a 40 year old guy and the "oversharing" on Facebook with the burp/bj.. I would have guessed he was 17.
That is the kind of card you can show your best mate and laugh over, not a girl you want to get serious with IMHO.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): He sounds vulgar, and I didn't like how she talks about women.
You have a right to get offended with whatever he says, trust yourself. I personally don't care for guys like that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 February 2012):
Did he actually send you flowers?
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A
female
reader, Curiouser  +, writes (16 February 2012):
Hey, hon,I think that the key thing here is that you don't have to feel obliged to feel anything other than you do. Your own feelings are your's and your's alone.Sure some people would be offended by this, some wouldn't, and I wholly agree with 'therain' that it might somewhat depend on what other communications he had with you on valentine's day. If he put a great deal of effort into romantic gestures and held you in his arms for a long time as soon as he saw you on the day, then i'm sure a cheeky joke text might be more easily forgiven than if this was the extent of his contact all day.But even so, YOU decide your boundaries. If you act as though you're okay with this sort of joke, he will think that it's okay to joke like this with you again. So just be honest about how you feel and hopefully, even if he ever does say something which oversteps humour and actually offends you- he shouldn't make the same mistake twice!On your follow up post though- I have to be honest that I'd be genuinely disgusted at anyone publically posting something intimate in the manner as he did. If he has somehow reached 40 without learning that you shouldn't kiss and tell, then I think its important that you are very clear and direct about what level of discretion you expect from him- well before he posts anything else which you wouldn't want him to!
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A
female
reader, joker071275 +, writes (15 February 2012):
joker071275 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who responded. I'm going to calm down about it. I guess it just took me by surprise. I can see the humor in it after I read your responses. And I did finally get an apology today for him blowing up at me when I didn't find his humor funny. Live and learn and let it all make the relationship stronger, right? Thanks again!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2012):
 reading your follow up.... Age does not matter with me... they love their blow jobs from the first one they get till the grave... and they will joke about it but they don't mean much by it... it's a compliment to your skills that he wants you to do them!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 February 2012):
 Was he being crude and vulgar? Definitely.
Should you be offended? Depends upon your sense of humor I guess. You are still getting to know one another and he obviously felt you would think it was funny / semi-romantic to state what he said. Apparently, you didn't think so.
His response, then, should've been a prompt apology.
Where you go from here is up to you, but you shouldn't feel upset about being disrespected.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (15 February 2012):
At least he had the chutzpah to be open with you about what he wanted. I wait in vain for my wife to figure out that that's what I'd like in return for the expensive flowers I send her on V. day, or as the only thing I'd care to have on my birthday. Because she'd find the suggestion "vulgar" as well.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 February 2012):
Guys like blow jobs. He was trying to be 'cute' so you would consider giving him one later in the evening. If he had known it would have offended or upset you, he probably wouldn't have said it.
If my fiancé hadn't been exhausted from working 16 hours yesterday, he would have said the same thing to me...just like he has for the past seven years.
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A
female
reader, JAMR  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 I wouldn't be offended... But then again, we all have different senses of humour.
I would have taken it as a joke and laughed. It IS valentines day...but that doesn't mean that it is only about one person.
If you aren't 'comfortable' with that joke, then that's okay, it's completely personal to you... but I personally wouldn't have been offended. It was a fun joke, it's valentines day, you both like each other, and lets not forget the "needs"/"desires" that we all usually look forward to on that very extravagant day. :P
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2012):
ROFL
send him to www.steakandbjday.com
we celebrate steak and bj day every year... we go for steak that day....
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A
female
reader, joker071275 +, writes (15 February 2012):
joker071275 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings are great in the bedroom otherwise and I don't mind giving bjs. But I feel its something that I shouldn't "owe" him either. I guess he just sometimes shocks me. One time, he posted on Facebook "Don't laugh when your girlfriend is giving you a bj and she burps". Since this actually happened, I was kind of offended that he decided to share that with the world. He did eventually take it down, but should I really have to tell him to keep our bedroom stuff between him and me?
Oh, and if it matters, he's 40 and I'm 36.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): If it offends you, then so be it. Some women would be offended by this and others wouldn't, there isn't a right way to feel here. It also depends a bit on how long you have been dating. If you calmly told him you didn't find it funny or appreciate it on valentines day and your bf got really angry then he's in the wrong here. However if you got angry first then that wasn't really the way to handle this.Of course he obviously wasn't trying to be 'cute and funny' he was hinting that he wanted one and may have got angry that you (at least not anymore) weren't very receptive to the idea. Nothing to do with you being a 'sweet girl'. He just wanted a blow job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): Lol! I think he was trying to be funny but he was also being half serious. I mean u can't blame him for trying! How is it in the bedroom otherwise? After just a few months of dating I'd say things should still be fun and light! Do you not like giving bjs? If u give him a hard time about it, he's going to freak out. I guess everyone is different. I wouldn't have a problem but would probably try to come up with a smartass answer and play hard to get but eventually would give him what he wants that night.
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