A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really need some helpim in year 12 and i had a boyfriend for 2 years who im pretty sure was my first lovein the first year of our relationship we had so much fun and couldnt get enough of each other and spent all of our time together and he was my best friend, we used to talk about getting married and i know he meant it. i got too attached to him.things then started going bad because he changed completely. he talked to another girl and didnt stop talking about her in front of me and it upset me so much, i really think he liked her and didnt understand why he was still with me, he changed and wasnt as affectionate towards me anymore, i began to feel sad all of the timei cried myself to sleep all of the time but i loved him and couldnt imagine my life without him, even though he wasnt the same anymoreafter this he made new friends and started spending more and more time with them and leaving me behind, he became really nasty, for example i went to italy for a week and really missed him and i got a call from him midweek saying how much fun he was having without me and it ruined my holidayhe became interested in drinking and sex and stuff that wasnt what i thought he could be interested in, and he got more girl friends and talked to me about them and how pretty they werei felt like i had to make friends with all of his new friends and my classes were affected by arguments and i just scraped into sixth form with 6 passesi tried telling him how much he was hurting me by writing letters and going on walks with him but it obviously didnt sink in i thought all of this was a phase he was going through as he is a year younger than me so i put up with it for 12 months i dont know why i guess i could just see the best in him finally we decided we needed a break and by this time i had depression, a few nights after i went to my after prom party and kissed somebody else when i was drunk, i dont know why i did it but to me it wasnt a big deal because it meant nothing to me i wasnt with my boyfriend and didnt change how i felt about him one bitbut when we got back together he found out and blew it out of proportion, and didnt drop it. i lied about it and tried to hide it and make it sound less worse than it really was, and changed my story aloti dont know why i did this because it was so unlike me, i know the truth would have been better but i couldnt handle losing him and being rejected because i already felt so lowwe have been broken up for 3 months now and still talk every single day, mostly to have arguments about me lying and him ruining my future but im still hung up over him, or who he used to be, i saw one other guy a few times during a couple of weeks and he found out and was nasty about that too, and this other guy means nothing to me anymore, i even think i was trying to make myself like him so i could forget. i have told some lies about this as well because my ex asks me all these questions like how many times have you seen him, how many times have you kissed him and i dont think its any of his business and i dont want to tell him because i just want him to come back one day without him hating me and they dont mean anything to me. i also had an abortion a couple of months ago because i was pregnant with his child and my head is totally messed up because i started to even love the baby but he told me i had to get rid of it. i know it would have ruined our lives but dealing with killing it just made my head worse. my life doesnt seem to be moving and i dont know what to do i didnt think my life could get this bad and complicated. im on anti depressants now and he doesnt understand, how much he has affected me.im dropping out of a levels because i stayed at the same school as him so we could have a future one day and going there rips me apart every day.and i still love him. im fed up of arguing and i just want to be nice. i just want to feel happy again and i want to make it work because despite everything i still think there is always going to be something there. i must be crazy.he always tells me hes better than me and im the one who messed us up but how can i make him see that he played such a big part in it, i hate him sometimessorry this is so long but i really need to get this sorted and get my life back on track and get advice. i cant talk to my mum and i cant talk to friends cos they dont understand and ive lost most of them anyway x
View related questions:
a break, abortion, best friend, drunk, got back together, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, always.curious.ray.  +, writes (13 December 2008):
 honestly it sounds like he has a control issue...but thats the drinking and sex talking....when he starts getting nasty with you about that one guy through it back in his face about the other girls he was fooling around with while you too were still dating...give him a doce of his own medicine see how he likes it... and if theres a fight let him call you first and when you pick up ask him if hes going to be nasty and if he starts in hang up the phone and if he calls back tell him,"im not going to talk to you until you have a different attidue" and if he keeps calling hit the ignore button[only if its the same day] let him cool down and if he calls you in a week then try talking to him again if its the same deal. repeat the process...good luck!
A
female
reader, Missappletree +, writes (13 December 2008):
First of all, i admire you so much for spilling all of this, hopefully it's at least a tiny bit of a weight off your shoulders to get it out there. However, you obviously need somebody to talk to, who can really help, can you really not talk to your mum? What about another adult (i know it sounds patronising, but they do have more experience, and can be more mature about the situation)?
I'm really sorry to hear about how things have got so bad. Maybe you need some time out, to think things through and try and move on. I respect your loyalty to this guy too, it seems as if he became very disrespectful of you towards the end, but due to the insanity of love you still stuck in there. Now may be the time to move on however, you'll never forget what has happened as it has effected your life so much, but maybe you can take something from it, move on, and make a life for yourself. Don't let him stop you.
Wish you the best of luck you could have.
...............................
A
male
reader, james_2008 +, writes (13 December 2008):
I don't know how much help it will be, but I think you need to sit back and look at your life. This guy may well have been your first love, but his behaviour does not sound like something you would want to build a life on.
I think you need to find something for you, something that you enjoy and try and build from that - it doesn't matter what it is (within reason!) but it needs to be something that you can hang on to, something that gives you some strength, something that lifts you up.
I know it isn't easy - personally I think there's something wrong with people who just seem to write off break-ups - God knows I struggled for a year during my divorce.
Things get better, life has ups and downs.
X
...............................
|
