A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I say something? Or say out of it?There is a girl Ive worked with at work that I got to know very well.Ive even met her fiance about four or five times when he stops over at are work to pick her up which they will be getting married in about a year or so. He seems like a real cool guy from what I know.Anyways, I invited her over my house for a barbeque over the weekend with a couple of my guy friends from work, She ended up bringing a female friend over also.. After a few hours and a couple of drinks I seen her in my bathroom kissing one of my friends..I didn't say anything but after that day it was back to normal at work, I just kinda was minding my own business ..but after 5 months went by I found out shes having sex with this same guy friend from work..The way I found out was from his text that she sends him on his phone saying(I want to fuck you tonight) that he decided to show me with a big smile on his face which he thought it was very funny and cool.Next thing I know after a couple of days at work he shows me pictures of her naked in his bed on his phone..This girl is about to get married very soon.Should I tell her fiance what she's doing? I feel so bad for him!Or should I just mind my owen business and stay out of it..
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 April 2012):
*sorry, I said "her" while I meant "him"
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 April 2012):
Good for you OP. Happy you did it.
And to Foot-in-the-Mouth: what would that have accomplished? In a perfect world people would be appreciative if we gathered our courage and came forth with the info, but in the real world it often backfires. People don't want to hear they're being betrayed. They don't want to know that their loved one has been playing them like a fiddle. You may be able to be objective enough in that situation, but not many people are.
They may paint her black so they won't need to entertain the idea she's right. The OP might have lost her job that way and there could have been a ton of other negative consequences for her, not because she did something wrong, but because the other person would rather stick their head in the sand.
And for what, so she could be brave? Being brave is stupid if you don't pick your battles.
The OP took action. The ball is in his court now, same as it would have been if she knocked on his door and told him in person. The difference now is that he and his gf can't dump their problems onto her and tie it like a noose around her neck.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I think anonymous letters are written only by cowards. If you have conviction about a matter, you should also have had the balls to go and tell him or sign the letter with your name. Anonymous letters are for people who want to escape the consequences of their actions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I am so glad you sent him an anonymous email because he needs to know, if it were me I would want to know, look at all the money you saved him on a bad marriage and a divorce. Reading what you did made my day, just hope the poor fellow take heed to it!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): Im the person who put up this post..
Just want to say thank you on what I should do.
I decided to send her fiance an anonymous email.
Thought thats the best thing I can do without getting in trouble and
gives me a peace of mind that I don't have to worry about anymore.
So now I don't have that guilty conscience anymore. Just like one of the guys on here said( the ball is in his court now) I felt good to help the guy out and I dont care what anybody says because I would want someone to do the same for me in that situation.
I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT OF CHANGED HIS LIFE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
Thank you for your help!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): 1. You should send the poor fellow an ANONYMOUS email, telling him everything.2. Do NOT say anything to her or the asshole banging her. Do NOT voice your opinion of them. Keep your head low and rat them out.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (11 April 2012):
 I would send him an anonymous letter stating everything that you have seen. ( Be very vague about it. )
Now the ball will be in his court. It will clear your conscience as well.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 April 2012):
Personally I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did nothing and they ended up getting married. So if you do decide to do something, there are two ways of going about it:
#1. Have a heart to heart with the girl. Tell her you can't believe she is marrying someone she doesn't love. If she says it's none of your business, tell her she made it yours when she so carelessly kissed that guy in front of you at the BBQ you hosted. In the end it's going to be her decision so if she decides to ignore your words and marry him anyway, option no.2 is out of the question.
#2. Let the fiance know anonymously. Leave a typed note for him so your handwriting can't be traced. Give him enough details his common sense can recognize it as a real possibility, but keep it vague enough so it can't lead back to you. With the sloppy way the girl is handling the affair, a lot of people probably already know about it so by now it could be anyone telling him.
Personally, I'd go for no.2. It protects your position at the job and you won't be caught up in the fallout. Even if he does decide to marry her, at least you tried.
I know not saying anything is safer, but not for the peace of your mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): Don't say anything. Its none of your business what gives you the right to intervene in other peoples personal relationships? if there's no criminal activity or human rights violations going on then you have no right to interfere.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Hi
in hindsight you should have invited her and her fiancee over for the barbeque. ;/
If this workmate is showing photos of her around then he has no respect and just sees her as easy sex. She will come unstuck as he is not being discreet which she probably expects.
I feel deeply sorry for her fiancee but dont say anything to him, people always shoot the messenger.
Have been in a similar situation and the woman in question got found out in the end without anyone saying anything
If shes a mate you might wanna tell her youve seen the photos but even that would drop you in it and cause trouble.
As its a work situation I would ignore the whole thing your jobs more important than her love life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): I agree with.. YOU WISH, I'd remain anonymously and have someone else to tell him because everyone knows she's a slut but the guy that getting married to her, I feel sorry for the poor fellow, I'd make sure he find out some how, either way he'll be hurt.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 April 2012):
 I would bring up to her seeing photo's. I would tell the guy who showed them to you that you don't appreciate being shown photo's of them or her while they are together. It's rude and disrespectful.
As far as telling the fiance...that's up to you. I don't know the situation enough to state what the possible outcome of doing so would be. However, I am someone who is truthful... what I'd also tell her is that if she's going to go around screwing around on her fiance, she should end their relationship, so the fiance can be free, and find someone who he deserves and can trust.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth +, writes (11 April 2012):
Don't speak to anyone about this. Frankly, it's none of your business.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Stay out of it. There's a huge chance the fiance will never believe you, and why should he? I'm sure he thinks highly of this girl and can never imagine her as the person that she actually is. In that case, the first thing that would cross his mind is that YOU are interested in the girl and are trying to break them up so that you can sneak in somewhere with a chance.
Secondly, this girl is no babe in the woods, she's a very smart operator. She will cry crocodile tears and pile all the blame on you and the guy she's having an affair with; she can say you're trying to defame her and your future in your company will be in jeopardy for no fault of yours.
Stay out of it, its not your problem. Don't mention anything to anyone, this is not the place for social service. If he marries her, its his bad luck, you cannot do anything about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): I know everyone will say mind your own business BUT BUT BUT rat her out.... Anonymously.
But if you want I also suggest that you tell her about seeing the naked pics. Your guy colleague is just having fun with her right? Therefore he showed you the texts and pics? So how many other people has he shown these to?
I don't feel sorry for her at all. But you all work together sooooo perhaps you need to tell her about her reputation going down the gutter. Did her affair start at your place? A drunken hookup or was she having a thing with this guy prior to your get together?
OP my best advice is: get the message to her finace. You wouldn't want this poor sucker to marry the work slag and you wouldn't want him to be cuckolded seconds after he says I Do! I will be great if you could get her naked pics as evidence though. Do it for the Brotherhood!
Not a ideal situation especially if it all started at your place..... I'm just saying.....
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 April 2012):
 No way. This cannot end well for anyone involved, especially you. Just stay out of it. They're not even trying to hide it, he will find out soon.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Totally stay out of this one... Unless you want to invite more drama into your life? It will come out evenutally. You can then just be there for him as a friend.
These are always ugly situations
However I would mention to her that you have seen the photos of her ( I am sure she would not appreciate the person showing her naked to work friends). This way she is aweare that you know what is going on. This may also give you an opportunity to speak with her about what is going on.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 April 2012):
 The girl is a co-worker. It can get really awkward at work if she knows you busted her.
I know how you feel, and I'd be writhing too with the information.
Boy, I'd either tell the fiance ANONYMOUSLY or have a heart to heart with her and entreat her to break it off with her fiance and stop cheating on him.
If you tell the fiance and she knew it was you, it would get really ugly, and no matter how bad she acts, your livelihood needs to be protected.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 In a perfect world, people would appreciate your gesture (of course, not the girlfriend). In the real world, they will probably hate you for it. Girlfriend and Co-worker, for obvious reasons; boyfriend, because he would feel ashamed that you know they were cheating on him. They would all see you like a micro-manager of everybody else's business. So perhaps it's best if you don't say a word to Boyfriend.
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