A
female
age
51-59,
*handec1
writes:If anyone out there can help ME GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT please do.At the end of Dec 2007 I met the most lovely, handsome and charming Indian man - problem is he is 23yrs old - 15yrs younger than me and I am married,I have always been faithful to my husband and never looked at another man in all that time.While away in India again by myself, I again met this lovely man, he just looks at me and I get like electric shocks, dont mention about when he touches me!One thing I can thank him for is giving me my first ever orgasm ( and I mean first)Its not about money as he has known me for years and he knows I dont have any lol.Now he wants me to move to india to be with him, the question is do I ?He does not want to leave India and he wants to be near his family so its not even a green card situation.Why do I feel like throwing in the towel and running into his arms.He said if I was divorced he would marry me- am I acting like a teeenager?My question what would you do, I think I really need to chat about this.
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divorce, money, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, IndianGuide  +, writes (24 November 2008):
Don't be silly.
It is simply sex, hormones, body needs.
Enjoy if do.
But, don't leave your husband. It will go no where.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): What about his family? Are they going to accept you? Can you relate to his culture? What about the hubby? Does he deserve a fair hearing in this affair? Or is it "all about you?" It sounds like you are having a mid-life crisis. Any drugs, alcohol, perscription pills involved? Have you thought of doing yoga, then doing your hubby? Not very thoughtful, mindful, nor considerate of anyone else in this play?
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A
female
reader, lucky rain  +, writes (5 October 2008):
The guy has a family? Right. He wants to be near them for good reason, it is part of his culture. How are they going to accept you? In any realationship there are others, be it bosses, aunts, moms, kids, even former spouses that impact the relationship. There has to be more than sex to get this relationship off the ground. It sounds like a mid-life crisis on your part. You will want a back up plan. As for hubby, does he deserve a fair hearing in this affair? Or is it only "all about you?"
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Speaking as a 23 year old male its simple.... get your head out of your pants and start thinking like a grown up.
1) You are married - If there are problems sort it out.
2)No orgasam? - Talk toy our husband.
3) THIS GUY WILL LEAVE YOU!, he will want a younger woman who can give him children when he is ready(your getting on a bit for that). At the moment the sex is good but it will fade as it happens in most relationships, he will get bored of you...will your husband?
I know it sounds tough but you really do need to grow up a bit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): First of all, you're talking about three things here:
1. Your unhappiness with your marriage;
2. YOUR inability to come;
3. Your lust with a younger man in India.
If you're throughly unhappy with your marriage, you should sort this out, but does your hubby even know you're unhappy ? Perhaps he's a poor lover, but so are you if you don't tell him what you want and need.
Speaking of needs - you've NEVER comed before this ? Not even by your own hand ? You clearly have some larger overriding and PERSONAL sexual hangups that need to be worked out. Given your at the stereotypical sexual peak of your life, nows a great time to invest in some sex toys and start exploring.
Finally, think REAL, REAL hard about leaving your life (not just your husband) for some 23 year old who probably doesn't (or shouldn't want to) settle down with a 38 year old. Men being the shallow pigs we often are, I wouldn't be surprised to see him leaving you in a couple years time as you continue to age. Large age gaps do work in certain circumstances... will yours be the same?
Question: assuming you leave your hubby, why can't your boy toy move to the UK ? Seeing as he's young, he'd be giving up far less than you would.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): i can relate, i am aussie male 35 ive found the sweetest lady ive ever met she is thai 25yo and has 1 x 2 year old boy, i do not have a current relationship in oz though i am married to a thai lady who came to oz to marry me, that did not work but we are great friends and she is now back in thai looking after mum.
i met this new sweetheart 27-12-07 i spent 5 weeks with her and i am now selling everything i have to go live in thai with her, i say life is short, you are old enough to make this conscious decision yourself no 1 here can make that for you because we dont have the advantage of your intuition###. are you worried about the financial security that your hubby provides? go with your feeling you will not make the wrong decision!
there are variables in these situations is your new love capable of making money? things like that will affect you when the honeymoon wears off.
in my situation i have experience and trust my own judgement of ppl, (particular because my sweaty has a heart of gold, doesnt care for money but loves me to no end) you need to make sure you judgement is not foggy with so called lust.
if your mind is clear and there are no other elements (including financial) then you can make you decision immediately it will be the rite 1!
good luck, i ask that nobody judge my situation.
thanks paul.
ps. the age thing may be a problem in ten years, he will look for a lady twenty years younger than you 18.
by the sound of thing you may stil be happy in india even if things dont go well with that guy.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (20 January 2008):
 How do you feel about your husband? Do you have kids? If you do, you can't think about yourself. How would your kids feel if you leave their father for no reason and go off to India to marry a stranger? If you don't have kids, ask yourself how to feel about him and about your husband. Do you only feel lust for this guy or do you feel a true emotional bond with him? How do you feel about your husband? Do you feel like you still love him or has it gone cold? If you're not happy with him, then it will only cause him unhappiness and both of you will be unhappy.
Take time to think long and hard and follow your heart.
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A
male
reader, Debussy +, writes (19 January 2008):
 1 Don't rush into anything lady, sexual fascination is not a good basis for any bold move.
2 WTF ? FIRST orgasm? I personally love making my parners cum, by giving them long, languid, oral sex before any penetration. The look of my girl's face as she cums is the horniest thing ever, and I know when that happens, I still get to shag her lovely brains out afterwards too, and maybe she'll cum again. Yum.
3 Tip for guys: give her what she wants first, then it's your turn
4 Don't go to India. That's mad. Sort it out with your hubby, you'l love yourself a lot more, and for a lot longer xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Your mind is made up then. Nothing we can say will keep you in England, to work on other aspects of your life. Okay then. Please look out for yourself, stay safe. Good luck,hun take care and my bests wishes go out to you. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): I know you are all giving good advice but I have had enough of england,husband,everything.
I can live & work in india even if it does not work with my little firend lol.
Thanks for all the advice but i still feel divorce is coming & a flight to india !!
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (18 January 2008):
 i don't think you should go to india to get an orgasm. i think thats too far. you can find a guy where you live to hook up with. now tht you know how to get an orgasm, it looks like the problem is your husband doesnt know how to give it to you. if all you need is an orgasm, god i think there should be a lot of guys that can halp you with that..lol! but don't give up on your husband just because you want an orgasm. i should think you should know how to give yourself one. i would do as others suggested and try to do some more experimenting with masturbation before going over to india.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): You are 'in lust' with this young man and that is NOT the basis for a quality relationship. I think you are acting here without thinking, with common sense. When a woman gets so overpowered by the act sex and the orgasm, and wants to bail on her marriage to go to another country, to be with a man she has known less than a month I will say to her....what the heck are you thinking? You seem to have this unrelenting need for attachment, to feel worthy through sex, which is so strong that rational judgement is giving way to fearfully unthinking and uncarefully examined emotions. I worry about your train of thought here, because for a woman your age to be considering such a thing, says to me, that you must be terribly lonely and unhappy. You are looking to this young man to be your savior. You haven't even known this man a month-lord knows, what is waiting at the other end. What has happened here, is you are so vulnerable that hearing nice words and experiencing great physical thrills, is making you feel special and worthwhile. That specialness you feel for yourself is not done through great sex and into the arms of a man you don't really know-that special feeling is done through you. You need to work on that. I think the best thing you can do is be responsible and either work on your marriage, or end it. Then you get out in life, and live independently all on your own for awhile. That would be best because what you are proposing right now, could end up being a really bad predicament I am worried about you. Stop and think this through and don't do anything rash? By the way, I have to ask...do you have children? If you do...consider them. Take care and best of luck, dear
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A
female
reader, bayleex +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Yes seriously sort your head out.You are willing to throw away your marriage over an orgasm...you have got to be joking me. You're not a teenager anymore lovely you're a 38 year old married woman. Forget about this man and stay with your husband because it is quite ridiculous that you are going to throw away your marriage for an orgasm. What would you do if things don't work between you and this young man?And i am just wondering how you would explain this to your husband. " I am leaving you for a 23 year old because he can make me come and you can't". You know how to make someone feel like shit.If you stay with your husband which i personally think you should maybe you should introduce some sex toys, roleplays, bondage etc into your sex life, make things more exciting and maybe give you an orgasm
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A
female
reader, happy9497 +, writes (17 January 2008):
yes you are acting like a teenager. you say you never cheated on your husband and now since you got an orgasm you are ready to throw how ever long a marriage away WOW! my advice to you is f**k that don't give up on your marriage over something as frivolous as that and that can be worked on. im 28 and had them many times over,you need to explore YOURSELF to see how and what makes you orgasm and share this with your husband(IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU ORGASM,HOW DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO KNOW) let him know that he is not giving you orgasms and you wanna show him how but do this in a way not to hurt his ego. as for the india guy keep that lil boy where he is. it was all fun and games but now its time to come to reality. ask yourself this,would you want your husband to leave you because your vag couldn't or wouldn't get wet or stay wet anymore? do this, tonight when you are alone sit and play with your clit til you have an orgasm and once you figure out how,take your husband and f**k dog shiit out of him and play with your clit while in action and see if it helps.I suggest that you don't throw your marriage away on this one stray away IT is not cause to give up marriage on good sex,(hell you can make your sex good with anyone as long as you know your body and what gets you off,theres no such thing as bed sex,you gotta teach them what they don't know) thats whats wrong with our society now we dont value marriage like it once was but I can't tell u what to do just give advice and if your husband is not beating you and you are still happy which im sure you are,this orgasm thing just got u confused in the head and stuck on stupid rite now lol . just do what I suggested and I bet you won't be thinking bout india boy in a sexual way much longer because you and daddy would have explored something knew then it would be like first time bliss all over again.keep me posted and good luck on whatever you decide,but I wouldn't move over there with him, really he is a lil boy and whats gonna happen20/30 years from now when you in your 50/60'sand he still young bout in his 30/40'sand now he wants someone his age or younger cuz you like his old ma or grandma now. Look at the whole picture when making this life altering decision not just what you wanna see,make sure its the 'BigOne, leave nothing outside of box cuz this is a huge decision to make with no time for regrets so make sure its something you really and truly want Good LUCK!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Yes, you certainly do need to get your head straight.
You've hardly known this youngster for three weeks and you're thinking of throwing caution to the wind, ending your marriage and jetting off to another country just because you had some lusty sex with a younger man and want to repeat the performance.
Believe me, there are plenty of men in this country who could give you an orgasm and who are experts in the art - you don't have to go to India for one. This would be a move of complete idiocy and you would be crazy to even contemplate it.
Young 'un probably thought he'd have an older woman for a change, just for the experience of it. I seriously doubt that there's a long-term future for you with him.
You take care of yourself and start thinking sensibly!
Phil
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (17 January 2008):
I think you should follow your head not your heart ( or other parts lol).
What other then sex do you have in common with this other man, and why is he better then your husband?? Is it just lust or do you really see yourself with this man for ever. I would hate for you to throw away your marriage and move to India just to find out that this man was not right for you.
Do you still love your husband? Are the problems in your marriage something you can see yourself working out? Is this man just a way out?
If you did move to India where would you live? What would happen if you and this man broke up? Do you have a back up plan for if everything goes wrong - you don't want to end up penniless and homeless if things go wrong.
i suppose I would go if I could find all the answer to these questions and it turned in favour of this other man, and if my marriage could not be slavaged.
I think you have a lot of questions to answer and a lot of soul searching to do.
Email me if you want to talk things through.
xx
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I think realistically you'd be insane to go to India to be this guy, you should try and fix the problems within your marriage, there must be some or you wouldn't of cheated.
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