A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:O.k...I have been dating a great guy for about 6 weeks, and after I didn't get my period (I haven't had one since we've been together) we realized that I am most likely pregnant. I am going to find out for sure this weekend. I am just having some concerns because of the fact that we really barely know each other, but could quite possibly be about to bring a child into this world!!We have talked about it a lot over the past couple of weeks. He asked what I thought we should do, and honestly I think that it would be very selfish to have an abortion...and also I know I would feel terrible about it for the rest of my life, but at the same time it seems like such a gamble on the child's future because of the fact that the father and I have only been together 6 weeks! We are both 23, so not too terribly young to be having a kid though both of us had really planned on waiting a few more years to have kids. He has been taking this very seriously and being supportive of my decision. He realizes that it is going to be a big responsibility and that a lot of things are going to change. We are both very happy in our relationship and seem to be a good match, have fallen progressively for each other and plan on being together. I am just confused if I am thinking clearly or if it would be a mistake to try to make this work!! Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is a method of abortion that uses two different medications, one that aborts the pregnancy and then one that induces contractions to expel the fetus. It is only available for very early pregnancies, I think up to 8 weeks, but still it seems a lot better to me than having to stay at the clinic for hours and have things shoved inside me.
Believe me, it would not be easy or comfortable for me either way, but I feel like it would make no sense to risk having my child grow up without being able to provide for him or her in the way a baby needs...I so want to have children one day, but realistically mine are not the best circumstances for a child.
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (18 January 2008):
 Well it is good to hear that you are not pregnat, if I were you I would still go to see my gyn so that you can figure out why you haven't had a period in 6 weeks. In addition to condoms you should think about some birthcontrol, just to be extra safe. Hope all goes well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): o.k. what is this medication that allows you to have an abortion "in the comfort of your own home"? As a mother of a 9 month old, and 7 months pregnant, I have to tell you how offensive that statement was. And honestly, I had an abortion when I was young, but I went to the clinic, got ridiculed by a bunch of religious people while I was walking in, and waited in the waiting room scared as hell for about 2 hours before it was my turn. I don't think abortions should be made so easily available as to have one at home..but regardless, luckily you most likely are not pregnant, if you were, the test would have shown a positive result a couple days after a missed period & you said yours was 6 weeks ago meaning you're about 2 weeks late. You've been using condoms but take it from me, condoms break. You need to be using a back up method of birth control, like the pill or the patch, you know there are a lot of options out there. Take this as a learning experience and get on another form of b.c. because it has happened to me and a few other people I know where the condom had split. And you don't want to take that chance. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to give an update...
I have taken two pregnancy tests, one last week and one today that both came back negative, so as for the reason why I have been missing my period I am not sure. It has been 6 weeks since my last one, so I'm sure the test would have came up positive by now.
As for your questions on how this happened, we were protected (we have been using condoms) and as far as I know there were no problems with the condoms, I came to the conclusion that I was pregnant because I missed my period.
I also through research on the topic decided that the best thing would be to go through with an abortion since there are other options these days that allow you to do it in the privacy of your own home with medication rather than surgical procedures.
I know exactly what it is like to go through pregnancy and raising a child under hard circumstances, as my mother had me when she was 17 and had no help from my father since I was 4 years old. I didn't even know him until Christmas this year I had not seen him since. I know exactly what it feels like to be a child with only one parent. My mother also became pregnant with my younger brother when I was 13 and I helped raise him since he was a baby (He's almost 10 now) so I do realize how much of a life changing and challenging experience having children is.
Thank you for your comments and support!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Hi,
Sure it can work, most of us who are with our life partners knew within a few weeks that "she" was the one. I know I did.
However, of course with a relationship only several weeks old you dont want to look at the statistics - they will not be in favour of a long term relationship. A pregnancy this early with too young people who barely know each other will put a lot of strain on the relationship.
What is of concern is, how did you become pregnant? did a condom split or did you have unprotected sex with a man you have only known for a few weeks? You could easily contract an STD or what has happened in your case get pregnant. If you have only recently become sexually active you should always make the man use a condom - your health is at risk if you do not.
But you are pregnant now and you can't change the past, good luck.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (17 January 2008):
You had unprotected sex with someone you have only been dating for 6 weeks..... I am sorry but being pregnant should be the least of your worries. You could have a disease, you hardly know this man. I hate to sound harsh but being pregnant after six weeks of dating clearly shows how irresponsible you both are. So if you are pregnant you have 9 months to learn some responsibility and grow up. The best advice that I can give you is be prepared to do this on your own if you decide to have this child. You do not have any idea who this guy really is or what he is really about and when his true colors start showing and things fall apart... That baby will still be here. The first year in a relationship your are getting to know each other. Do you have any idea how much relationships change after a year? Two years? He may be great now, but what about in 3 years. Can you make it as a single mother? Those are extremely hard shoes to fill. Four hands are always better than two, a two parent household can be the difference between a University or community college for your child, a two bedroom apartment or a house with a yard, just something to think about. Kids are expensive, they are dependant on you for EVERYTHING! Physically, emotionally, mentally you are responsible for every aspect of this childs life until they are old enough to be responsible for themselves that can be up to 25 years. I am a grown women, married with my own family and my , and I still need my mother. Maybe your situation will be the 1 in a million that works. Before you make any life changing decisions based on a 6 week relationship you had better think long and hard about it. I hate to see a women throw away the rest of her life because everyone simply congratulated her and said how wonderful having a baby is. I want to be the one to tell you that being a mother has its rewards, but it has its down side and can lead to a lifetime of regrets and missed opportunities. He can leave you and this baby send a check in the mail and simply walk away. I hope you got lucky and he is sincerely a good guy and you have a happy ending. Good Luck, with your new relationship and with whatever happens as far as pregnancy is concerned.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (17 January 2008):
You had unprotected sex with someone you have only been dating for 6 weeks..... I am sorry but being pregnant should be the least of your worries. You could have a disease, you hardly know this man. I hate to sound harsh but being pregnant after six weeks of dating clearly shows how irresponsible you both are. So if you are pregnant you have 9 months to learn some responsibility and grow up. The best advice that I can give you is be prepared to do this on your own if you decide to have this child. You do not have any idea who this guy really is or what he is really about and when his true colors start showing and things fall apart... That baby will still be here. The first year in a relationship your are getting to know each other. Do you have any idea how much relationships change after a year? Two years? He may be great now, but what about in 3 years. Can you make it as a single mother? Those are extremely hard shoes to fill. Four hands are always better than two, a two parent household can be the difference between a University or community college for your child, a two bedroom apartment or a house with a yard, just something to think about. Kids are expensive, they are dependant on you for EVERYTHING! Physically, emotionally, mentally you are responsible for every aspect of this childs life until they are old enough to be responsible for themselves that can be up to 25 years. I am a grown women, married with my own family and my , and I still need my mother. Maybe your situation will be the 1 in a million that works. Before you make any life changing decisions based on a 6 week relationship you had better think long and hard about it. I hate to see a women throw away the rest of her life because everyone simply congratulated her and said how wonderful having a baby is. I want to be the one to tell you that being a mother has its rewards, but it has its down side and can lead to a lifetime of regrets and missed opportunities. He can leave you and this baby send a check in the mail and simply walk away. I hope you got lucky and he is sincerely a good guy and you have a happy ending. Good Luck, with your new relationship and with whatever happens as far as pregnancy is concerned.
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A
female
reader, red1982  +, writes (17 January 2008):
No-one can be sure whether things will work when you have a baby - and that's just as true for people who have been together for years!! Having a baby puts tremendous pressure on a relationship, both of you get no sleep, no time together and everything is a whirlwind of feeding, changing, burping and cleaning up baby sick.
Before you have the baby make sure that you have both talked about the way you think a child should be brought up ie discipline, religion, parents working etc and how you both view the roles of a mother and father as I think these are the areas that people argue about most, I would take a fair stab at saying it is one of the main reasons myself and my sons father broke up - we both had completely different views on parenting. He saw fatherhood as nothing more then working and providing and my role as staying at home, doing housework and all the night feeds and sorting out the baby. We differed constantly and that caused problems.
I think as long as you both love each other and are prepared for the hard work that bringing up a baby entails you have just as much chance of things working as any other couple. Just because you haven't been together very long doesn't mean things can't work.
If you need to talk just message me.
I hope all works out for you
xx
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