A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Note: if you honestly didn't know he/she was with someone, i undertand completely. I have seen so many questions on here about people being broken hearted about their lovers leaving them and all I can think is, what did you expect? I keep thinking its their own fault for being involved with a married person. They are taken. So, why do they do it? Why do they make stupid choices and choose to be "the other woman". Don't they know that the married individual doesn't care and they are only asking or heartbreak? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 I've never understood this one either! I think it has a lot to do with your moral compass and how you have been brought up. I would NEVER entertain an affair with a married man, EVER!! All this BS about "falling in love" is a crock. The person is NOT available so go find someone who is single. And if a married man started flirting with me, I wouldn't be flattered, but I sure would think he was the biggest a-hole ever and would avoid him like the plague. I've had married men come on to me (an old boss) and after refusing his advances, well a few months later I was made redundant!! There was also an alpha male, senior consultant surveyor, dressed beautifully with a brain to match, normally just my cup of tea. But the man was married and was off limits. He did flirt with me and had I been a morally unscrupulous person, then perhaps we would have had an affair. But I can hold my head up high and say without hesitation, that it would never have happened because he was married. I don't date married men and I question those that do! I also have a very beautiful friend who used to target married men and she always got them because they couldn't refuse her, she really is incredibly stunning. She enjoyed the chase and as soon as she had them, she fired them out and they ran back to their wives! Apart from this complete lack of judgement on her behalf, I still like her as a friend. Would I trust her around my partner, well the answer is NO! I can only fathom that this linked to her father having an affair with a cleaner which she discovered years ago, and somehow this had obviously scarred her on some level and she was getting back at married couples!! I also know the difference between right and wrong and having affairs with married people is just plain wrong! Let's hope karma bites you in the arse!!
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female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (16 October 2011):
 Truth is, until you experience something for yourself, you'll honestly never know. I suffered from an eating disorder for seven years. No matter how I explained it to people, no one ever understood how I could WANT to binge until my skin hurt and then purge until I felt like passing out. Now, I can't understand it, either, but at the time, what I was doing felt completely normal.My husband was in an abusive relationship (on-and-off) for two years from age 18 to 20. They fought on a daily basis and she cheated on him numerous times and lied to him constantly about stupid shit. She belittled him and manipulated him and yet he still went back to her because it was what he was used to. Could I ever see myself accepting a relationship like that? Absolutely not. And now, he can't either, but it was all he knew.As you've seen on this site, people get into relationships with others that are married for many different reasons. True, some don't know that the object of their affection is married right off the bat, but some people don't have it that easy. Maybe they spend too much time together for work, and the married person confesses to being unhappy. Maybe they've been friends for a long time and the other person had feelings for their married friend all their life. Maybe they met at a bar one night and clicked in a way that neither had felt before. There are hundreds of reasons, and no one, without having experienced everything, will ever understand all of the reasons to be attracted to someone who's married. Nor will everyone understand some people's need to cheat. Such is the way of the world.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (15 October 2011):
 I love this question. Any person involved with someone who's married deserves no sympathy at all when things go wrong, in my opinion. They think things are going to last forever and that their lover is going to leave their spouse for them. It's so unrealistic and if that person's willing to cheat on their spouse, then they're not worth much in the first place and it says a lot about their character. Just because he/she's interested in you doesn't mean they want or are going to be with you. I wish people could see it like that, but even if they do, not all people will be able to resist the possible temptation. There are unhappy and insecure women out there, but they should realize that these married men out there are scum who will never be the person or have the qualities the woman wants/needs and that any fling they may have will almost always be temporary.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Human nature is NOT monogamous. Seriously. It's a social convention placed on us by society. Our nature is to go out and populate the world. Hence why we see so many divorces and serial monogamy.
This is why folks who are married or partnered still find others attractive. Those that do not act on their attraction are considered "GOOD" while those that act on it are "bad".
Truth is some people are just following societal arbitrary rules better than others.
Why did my boyfriend choose to have a relationship with a married woman?
1. He wanted no strings attached sex (which was freely offered by me with permission of my then husband)
2. he did NOT want to have a FULL relationship complete with budgeting, housekeeping, chores and the work necessary to make a relationship healthy... he wanted fun and games and sex... and he got that.... for a while
3. he did not want a committed relationship..... it was easy to have an affair... see her on the weekends (every other or once a month as we were/are long distance) have fun and go back to life...
that's what it was supposed to be... for both of us.
had my marriage stayed intact, that's what it would have stayed... fun companionship and games without all the effort...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): dearcupid.org/question/cheating-does-a-married-person-give-any-thought.html : please read my comments on this thread.
I am astounded when cheaters say they did not make the marriage vows, they did not make any commitment, they are not the one married.
It is comments like that that make me wonder what kind of person rationalises this? I am lost for words.
LoveGirl
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Fear.
More or less the same why some women go after players or abusers or drug addicts. It should be such a red flag, shouldn't it ?
Deep down they feel they can't get / don't deserve / are not enough for a true healthy committed love, all for themselves. They feel they have to make do, - and for some women half of a man, a man to share , is better than no man at all.
Also, what you KNOW rationally is not what you know emotionally. Brain and heart ( or hormons !) often say different things. The brain is a pessimist, but the heart is a big optimist. They know that 99% of married men just waste their lovers 's time and eventually stick to their wife and family- but everybody thinks, hey , this time it's different, WE are different, this time I'll be the one percent .
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): I think the reason to feel love in married men/women is they are the one who is experienced and/or know how to make them fall in their love where as inexperienced person can't and after falling for them they start thinking that 'he/she is married now how to handle'. so ultimately its a mistake from both side
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): Well, in all honesty, I am the 'other woman' for a married man. And CaringGuy is pretty acurate. I don't necessarily wish for his marriage to end, and I don't have any deep feelings for this man. But I am terribly insecure. He started flirting with me and I found it really nice. That someone looked at me in such away (after being disappointed and heartbroken so much.)I know that it's so wrong (in so many ways) But I ask that you don't judge me too harshly for this, it was never my intention for this to go this far, but now that it has it's not all I had thought it would be. But, for me, personally, I've hit a rock bottom and have nowhere else to turn. So I find solice in a meaningless relationship that helps me get through now (and I'm well aware I'll regret all of this in the future, I partially regret it now)
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 October 2011):
Well, you're right about it being their fault ultimately. But the human mind is far more complex that to just be able to say "They are taken".
Usually in life, all stupid/wrong decisions come down to unhappiness or insecurity. If you're unhappy or insecure, then chances are you aren't thinking straight and you'll make a bad decision.
I think for the most part, the 'other woman' (not so much 'other men') is either unhappy and enjoys the attention of a married man, such as the occasional gifts, all the right words etc. Or they are insecure and think that taking a married man from his wife and family means that he really must love her and she really must be special.
There are of course exceptions to the rule, but I'm 99% sure that if all the 'other women' were to come on here and respond honestly, you'd find that they aren't happy/secure people deep down. They're mostly unhappy and deeply insecure, which leads them to make mistakes.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): Lots of people just don't really want relationships that could work out.
Sometimes they do this on purpose. But other times it's a subconscious thing. They are sabotaging their chances of a good relationship because bad relationships are what they are used to. Bad relationships are the only ones that feel normal and the only ones they "trust" if that makes sense.
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