A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've just moved in with my boyfriend of many years. We're renting an apartment together.It seems since we've gotten our own place, all our time is taken up with housework! We both work fulltime (and he works TWO jobs, so starts his second one a few nights a week, working from home). It's nice living together, knowing I'll see him everyday, but there's a lot of things I miss about living alone.The time we USED to spend together, we had fun.. went out and did things. Now, we go to the supermarket together or we're cleaning and cooking! Once we've cooked tea and cleaned up during the week, we pretty much do our own thing and then meet up in bed and both fall asleep. I want to know whether anyone else lives like this? I'm in my late twenties and he's 30. Shouldn't we be going at it like rabbits? I love him more than anything, he's my soulmate. But I don't want to be his flatmate. I want us to get the life back in our relationship, like it was during the first two years. And I want us to start going out and having fun.. doing those simple, joyful things we used to love doing.. the hobbies that we both love, that brought us together.I think I've got the best guy there is and I have no doubt he's the ONE for me, but at the moment, we just seem to be EXISTING. He feels the same. We talk about it all the time. Just don't know how to change it! I also miss my own bed! Sure, we'd spend nights together before moving in together.. but now it's every night.. I'm really missing my space!! I miss spreading out in a double bed and not coming up against giant feet on the other side!Small, petty problems I know. Just felt like venting. Does anyone else feel like this at times and what did you do to change it?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Hire a cleaning woman.
And before screaming : it's a dangerous extravaganza, we can't afford it !- think. You probably can , with 2 full time salaries ( and a half ) , it's just a matter of reorganizing your financial priorities in view of what's important and it's a total lifesaver.
If you are two reasonably tidy people ( clean up after you shower, don't leave a trail of crumbs every time you make a sandwich, etc. ) all you need is 3-4 hours a WEEK to keep your apartment , if not convent clean, at least neat , hygienic and organized and to free up your time and emotional energies for each other.
There's still the shopping for food/cooking part and there the trick is making it fun, something to enjoy , not to dread. Vary your routine, change shopping places all the time , cook together only once a week and then freeze all what you did for the rest of the week. You can do an Italian food week, then a Mexican week, a vegetarian week etc.
Simplify- buy only no iron garments for instance. Buy a dishwasher if you don't have one .
Make a list of inescapable chores ( loading the washing machine, taking the thrash out,etc. ) agree on turns, then just do your stuff and DON'T talk about it. Ever. When couples start dissecting what 's the best brand of dishwashing detergent or furniture polish...it's a death toll for romance.
Make a point to make a precise after- work appointment, if not daily ( it's also SO good to have some time to do each his/her own thing ! )two or three times a week, committing to spend an hour or two together before bed time. Maybe you are tired after work or you don't have money to go out all the time, - just stay home and play cards. Or board games. Or study a language or an instrument together. Or give each other massages , shampoos and manicures. Be creative- if you decide to make time for you two as a couple, you'll come up with something.
Least but not last, if you are really overwhelmed,- screw the chores and the cooking. Order pizza and eat it out of the carton :). I am a tidy person myself, and yet, what I remember vividly from my past, it's the special nights of passion , intimacy and sensuality I lived, not the neatly stacked piles of clean sheets I folded !
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 Check if you are trying to keep the home immaculate, TOO immaculate. Streamline things and don't let clutter build up.
But at least two days of every week make extra when you make a meal. Freeze the extra in meal size proportions and that will lessen cooking time, leaving more for your "together" time. Then once a week make sure you schedule a romantic date. if your schedules are frantic then a date can be lunch at a cafe on Saturday or Brunch at a nice place on a Sunday.
Make sure you do make times for each other. It is far more important than an immaculate home.
All work and no play does not make for fun in a relationship. Try to schedule the same day off work and plan ahead to have a lovely day together.
If you have the room for a guest room then decorate an alternative bedroom that is sensual and delightful where you can retreat to as an alternative bedroom for the two of you, so that you do not gravitate to the same bedroom always
And occasionally book an overnight stay at a classy Bed and Breakfast romantic private place and enjoy the fact that you can walk out and not need to make the bed. Just enjoy a romantic drive home together.
Or visit a Day spa, together, and enjoy a sensual few hours being pampered side by side.
A Day spa does wonders for me. I can recommend it.
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