A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need your opinions.So last night my fiancé was giving me head. As I was about to finish, I pulled it out of her mouth and finished on a towel. She seemed surprised and asked why I didn't finish in her mouth. I said I didn't know, I didn't think she would be ok with that.She said she would have been ok with it. Next time I did finish in her mouth. I had never done that before. It was AMAZING! I loved it. It actually even made me feel closer to her knowing she loves me enough to let me do that. She could tell I loved it and asked why it was so good for me.I told her I had never done that with anyone before...but then I got to thinking.If she was ok with doing that with me, she might have done it with her ex boyfriends. So I asked her. She said no. That she wouldn't do that with just anyone. She didn't come out and say it but from her few words I got the understanding she did give them head but she said they never finished in her mouth. I'm pretty sure that with all of them but one that is true. But her latest ex, idk. She was really in love with him. She thought she was going to marry him and it took her a long long time to get over him. It took her meeting me. Even then at the beginning of our relationship she wasn't over him. We had some fights about her in contact with him but that's another story. We are ok now and I'm 100% sure she is over him. I can tell she's completely devoted to me as I am to her now. The thought of some other guys stuff in my fiances mouth kind of disgusts me. Is it wrong of me to think like that? I guess in a sense they have finished in her vagina before as I know she was on birth control when she dated them. But I guess I can't be upset about that because I have finished in other girls myself.Do you think she had done that with her exes? And why? Thanks for your opinion. Any questions to clarify are welcome and I will try my best to answer.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): I hear you. Once you start thinking about those things, you basically are going to go crazy. I was basically a virgin when I got together with this guy, and he was the opposite. He has a wild sexual past. The more I think about, the crazier I get.
It is absolutely ruining our relationship. And it is a shame. This man is exceptional in every other way. A true force of nature.
But I can't get over his sexual past.
Of course, the problem is not in him, but in me. I feel like what he is giving me is not special because he gave it to others. It drives me crazy to give up so much for someone who is cheap in that way. It is like exchanging something expensive for something that anyone can have.
So, I am basically ending the relationship over it.
Best of luck to you.
A
female
reader, heather016  +, writes (12 February 2010):
of course you'd feel uneasy about it 'cause you really love her.
"Do you think she had done that with her exes? And why?"
why are you asking this when...
"But I guess I can't be upset about that because I have finished in other girls myself."
it doesnt matter whether she'd done with them. it shouldnt bother you 'cause you finished in other girls. as disturbed you are right now, it'd probably be the same for her if she finds out that you have had finished in other girls.
hope i helped.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye  +, writes (12 February 2010):
Grimms advice reads quite true. I almost messed my relationship up and it's only still alive due to her high tolerance.Best to ask no morecquestions and in time thongs will be easier for you to deal with.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Well thank you. And yes I don't sugarcoat anything. Many people don't like it but the truth is never a pretty thing.You needed to hear it straight.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Grimm,
You are right. I did open up a can of worms. I was going to suggest adding a bit of sensitivity to your answers but then I realized that's why your screen name is what it is.
Thanks to the others for encouraging me to find a way to get over her past. I know if i don't, like Grimm said I am setting myself up for failure. And yes I have wondered at times if her ex lover was better than me. But i think it is a natural curiousity.
I will not however ask her to divulge any further information concerning her past lovers as I know it will only lead to more questions and bad thoughts.
Plus, I'm sure it's unattractive to have your significant other constantly ask you questions like that. Thanks for the help.
And Grimm, I do appreciate your candor. Sometimes, people need to hear it like it is; no sugar coating.
But I also like to know there is hope and it can be done to just move on and focus on the now. Thanks everyone
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 February 2010):
You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. But you have to remember this is all something that happened in the past, and she is now with you. I know my girlfriend has been with other guys but I just don't ask about what happened in her past, because it is her past. We've been together for a year, and I'm still very happy, and I am still not worried about her past. Your girlfriend, like you, has a past. It's something you have to accept and move on from, which is easier said that done I know. But it can be done. Just focus on all that matters here now. Which is that she loves you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): It's understandable that you would feel disgusted, but do not let it get in the way of your relationship. The past is the past, and she's used a lot of soap (downstairs), toothpaste, and hopefully mouthwash since then :)
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (9 February 2010):
Lesson one...when you ask someone about the acts they performed with other lover you are setting yourself up to fail in this relationship. You are going to now set yourself up for every future round of sex having something else creep in the back of your mind because you crossed this bridge...
So be prepared for your relationship to go downhill from here...because since you posted on this subject its a given that this will permeate what is left of your relationship. Now you will be wondering if she took a facial or if she let him do anal on her and finished there. Or if the other guy was better than you. You have opened up a can of worms now and you will never look at your fiance in the same way again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010):
I hate the insecurity excuse. It's just a way to blame the painful feelings on the person feeling them.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Samantha x:
you are right. Looking at it honestly, there is some insecurity behind this all.
I know she cared very deeply for her latest ex. She admitted to me that she thought he was the man she would marry. One day, with her permission, I read some of her emails. A year after they had broken up she would still send him emails telling him she missed him and still loved him. Even up to a month before she met me.
He broke up with her. According to her for no reason. Just his feelings weren't there for her anymore. So i know it was killing her in her head about what she did wrong.
They would still talk on the phone when we started dating which added to my feelings of insecurity. I am a very devoted loving man. And would never entertain the thought of keeping lines open between an ex lover of mine while I was in a realtionship with her. She eventually stopped after a lot of arguments and one instance where she met him for lunch and didn't tell me.
We broke up for a few days until she convinced me she was over him. Since that day she is amazing and seems like a different women as far as her commitment level to me. I know she loved me the whole time but it was like she was holding a piece of herself back that he still had. If that makes any sense...
But I know I have her whole heart now, I just do. Yet still, those thoughts of her past actions make me feel badly. I guess I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, I just feel like she settled for me because her ex broke up with her. Even though she tells me constantly she loves me more than she ever did him and that I'm better than him in every way. In fact, she seems hurt when I would tell her I think she settled for me; but I couldn't help having those feelings. I know she loves me with her whole heart but can't stop wondering what would happen if her ex tried to get her back one day...
I'm messed up
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): well since in our culture is acceptable that males and females go into sexual relationships before marriage we have to accept what our parteners have done b4 meeting us. otherwise they shouldn't be doing it with us either. is that acceptable to you.if yes then you shouldn't question her past.but if not then you should be looking for a virgin as a partener.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): I think it is completely normal to feel disgusted at the thought of another guy finishing in your fiance's mouth. The thought of another girl doing stuff to a guy I have feelings for would disgust me, so I think it is natural.
But I do think there is more to this. I think it may be more than just the thought of what your fiance may have done with her ex partners. I am wondering if this is more about insecurity? The fact that you finished in her mouth was a big thing to you, as you had never done that with a girl before. And the fact that she let you means a lot to you as well. It seems to be a representation of how she feels about you, how much she cares. So the thought that she MIGHT have done that with her latest ex bothers you, because it would indicate how much she cared about him, right?
I may be getting this all wrong, and I apologise if that is the case! But I think there is a sense of insecurity in your question, even though you say you know she is over her ex and is devoted to you 100 percent. Maybe she did have deep feelings for her ex, enough to share things with him. But it is the past, ans she loves YOU now. What she did before is history.
I know it isn't as simple or as easy as that though. But I think you have to trust that she loves you, and that you are very special to her! You question whether she may have let her ex finish in her mouth, even though she said she has never done that with anyone else. So there is already some doubt there.
Even if she did do this before, it may not have meant much to her. You can do the same act with different people, and it can mean something completely different depending on the person you are with and how you feel about them. But I think you should trust what she says to you on this, and try not to dwell on these thoughts of her doing things with her ex partners too much. The past is the past, you can only move forward. Dwelling on it will only fill you with insecurities.
I hope something here helps! x
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