A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,Please help...I feel really bad. This guy I was dating went awol. This left me feelings hurt and upset. But the worse was after I tried to call him several times to no avail without a response. I sent him an insulting text. The point is this is not in my nature but when I treated him really well he dumped me... I figured all he really wanted was someone who'd treat him badly...as crazy as this sound. He use to ask as if complaining why I treat him so well, not to mention the first time he dissappeared before comining back months after and asking me 'what happened', He always complained that he was an 'idiot'. This totally threw me as confidence wins right?.But after he left again...i FEEL SO BAD THAT this 'idiot' left me and when I sent a heartfelt msg to him on how betrayed I felt, he completely ignored me. Now I'm hurt, angry, and annoyed with myself for spoiiling him.They say be yourself, but when I am. I get taken forgranted. So now I'm wondering if the only way to secure a man is to pretend I don't actually like him (which I hate to do), and get on with my schedule (which defeats the purpose of getting a man, might as well stay single without the hassle of an relationship. Now I'm on the brink of cutting off men completely or going on man rampage. (which i would hate but just do it in frustration and use them they way they have done me.Pls help. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, Thank you...You are so right. You seem really intelligent and I have a strong feeling you'll get there and find that one for you!!
I have found myself eating a lot more and I've always been a person really into working out and keeping healthy.
I'm still trying to keep this in check because I don't want to fall back into depression and gain weight that's hard to get rid of. Still I can't help but think what's the point of spending all this time and energy on my appearance and abs for nothing. Evn though looking good should make me feel glad, now it just upsets me as I can't figure out why I meet all these users and women abusers.
I am trying everything I know how to keep my spirit up and motivate others...That's always a good way. I feel extremely lonely but being a single mum, uni and ruuning a small business has me really busy.
That's the pain aswell it seems that with all this activity I should be so busy and excited but instead I feel exhausted and overwhelmed, It's a lot of work, and I love myself and others around me so I know hanging in there is worth it, still it's an uncomfortable and hurtful journey with no garauntee's of actually finding love (I don't want to sound negative but I'm being honest about how I feel) ...You know.
Good on you for having the strength, courage and wisdom to finally leave him...Way to go!
Take care of you Chica.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): I know exactly how you feel I have been in love with the same jerk since my junior year in high school, I am 21 now. He was my first everything. We were on again off again and now we are completely over and although I know he is a jerk I still love him. It is so bad that I can't picture being with anyone else but him. Right now I am trying to get back to the person that I was before I met him. Before I met him I had confidence and high self esteem now I stay locked up in my room everyday. My advice to you would be not to be like me. I gave my ex so much power and now I am trying to figure out how to get it back. Don't sell yourself short just because he hurt you. Hooking up with alot of guys or treating them like they treated you is not the answer, you are just going to kill the respect that you have for yourself. I am trying to focus on something else to take my mind off of dating and relationships right now. I am currently attending college and I have decided to put my focus towards school and the goals that I have set for myself. Since I have spent months locked up in my apartment I have gained alot of weight so I have decided to spend some time at the gym. Exercising relieves stress and who knows I may meet some really cute guy working out at the gym. But whatever you decide to do, Find yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and be yourself first. We all want to find that special someone but the really good ones always come along when you least expect it. Be by yourself for now because you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you. Never let a good man pay for the mistakes that a bad man did to you.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (10 August 2008):
 'Absent without leave' Saleem.
: )
x
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A
male
reader, Saleem  +, writes (10 August 2008):
Firstly i am new to this site and have absolutely no idea what AWOL means.
Secondly, my gf had a really rough past. after men repeatedly treated her like crap she started partying every weekend and stopped caring about people. She then began sleeping with men just for sleeping with them sake.
Now that she met me she regrets alot of things.
Dont make mistakes that you will have to regret later on.
Anywayz what she did was stayed away from men in that way and just had them as friends and it helped her alot. it made her stronger and made her a great person. All you need to do is spend some time alone and focus on your job or achool or whatever and your life will get back on track. Just stop focusing on finding someone and the right guy will come along.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (10 August 2008):
 Forget him and move on..... You deserve better!!!
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A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon +, writes (10 August 2008):
 o.k. the way i see it is that u have been treated like dirt and u want to get closure. i did the same thing a few yrs ago and did the rampage thing then decided that if the next bloke i went out with messed me around then i would turn gay. but luckilly for me the next man i was with is now the father of my 2 kids and we are married. my advice to u is to just take a break from men completly and find out who u are. sure be mates with them but dont let it go any further. not whilst u feel like this. if possible find out where he is staying and write him a letter describing how u feel and why. dont expect a reply tho. this bloke sounds like a right piece of work. dont treat the next man like dirt just because it has happened to u as he may well be the one.
good luck in finding mr right and dont settle for mr right now
luv bluntasaspoon x
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