A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupidi am in big problem with my marraige, very unhappy and uncomfortable. I have been married for 11 years and have 2 little boys aged 28 months and 14 months old. we have always had our differences and rarely we could agree to a disagree but i think it was only love that kept us together. we had a lot of bad horrible fights but we always found a way to eachother. sometimes I still wonder what made us continue. however after my first child everything changed. i felt we were growing apart and then i became pregnant with my second one. after the second child came along things went worse than ever. we went to a family therapist but after 2 sessions he said he would nt go anymore and found it useless. we are fighting all the time. there is absolutely no respect and our mothers have involved themselves and it is even worse now. he hates my family and i really honestly hate his family. both families have disrespected eachother in the worst possibe way. there has been times when he was physically abusive but most of the times he abuses me verbally and that's why i hate him and the one and only thing that has kept me in this relationship is the kids. once he said horrible stuff to me and wouldn't stop and it went to a point that i attempted suicide and ended up in hospital. after i was assessed by a psychologist, i was told that i have situational depression due to a bad marraige. since then he always makes threats that he will use this against me to get the kids if i decide to leave with kids. we even tried to get divored a few months ago but then we both agreed to give another try just and just for the sake of kids since they are so little. every day i feel i hate him more and i havent been able to sleep with him and i sleep in separate room. when he wants to be intimate i keep making excuses like i m tired or i have my priod or etc. i don't know what to do but i know for sure that this is affecting my motherhood. i feel like if he wasnt around i would be really happy and then i think waht about my kids they love their dad. please help me what should i do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 My parents stayed for the "sake of the kids" while abusing verbally/physically/mentally each other.I wish they had just gone separate ways. I have dealt with a great deal of depression and ended up in an abusive relationship myself (for 8 years) because I thought thats what love is - love means fighting with the other person because you care. I went to a therapist for years to get over how my parents treated each other and us kids. My brother ended up suicidal, he has anxiety and depression himself. The only kid that turned out normal is my 19 year old brother as by the time he was 7 my parents worked and lived in different countries. They visited each other 3/4 times per year (which included huge fights/abuse), but the rest of the time it was calm. My 19 year old brother turned out the most adjusted of us three. It was because he didn't have to deal with the daily anxiety/torment of people fighting and abusing each other.Hope this helps with your decision to stay or leave.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 July 2010):
Your kids will be far more damaged by you staying and living life like this, than by leaving. Your children need you to be happy and well for their sake. They don't need an abusive man in their life. He may well start to abuse them as well. You need to leave him, no matter how hard. Because, ultimately, your kids will either be scarred by him, or they'll turn out like him.
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A
female
reader, RAVEMORE  +, writes (15 July 2010):
The title of your post says it all: you are stuck in an abusive relationship for the sake of your kids.For the sake of your kids, wouldn't it make sense you got out of an abusive relationship?Is your husband abusive to your kids. I hope to God he is not.It seems that you live in a climate of violence and threats and that there are way too many people involved in your private life.What are your options if you want to leave? Do you have support for your family? Is there a safe place for you and your children? Is there a safe place for YOU, so that you can sort out your life without being subjected to violence and drama.Is there a way you can remove yourself and your children from that environment why letting the option for your husband to show how much he loves and cares about all of you. For example, is there a way you can live somewhere else and he can visit every day, share time with you and the kids and be rewarded for good behavior ( staying longer).You are talking about not wanting sex with him. If he is violent, that is perfectly understanding you withdraw sex from him. Is there any way you can share physical affection? Do you kiss and hug? It seems that you have a lot of resentment towards him and his family. Maybe you need time to process all those negative feelings.Your age range is 30/35 so I assume you have the necessary maturity to go beyond the abuse and into the self- preservation.There is help available for people in your situation. I do hope you seek it. No doubt the well-being of your children is a priority and that will give you a reason to act towards putting yourself in a healthier environment.
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