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Should I be worried, or is it just curiosity?

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Question - (15 July 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 17 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my eleven year old daughter was looking up quite a bit of pornography and lesbian porn on my laptop. should i be worried or is it just curiosity at eleven? when i was eleven... i was far from thinking about that. kids mature too fast.

How should i handle this.. how should i talk to her? or do i? i have no idea what to do.

signed, lost

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A female reader, Sharly48625 United States +, writes (17 July 2010):

Sharly48625 agony auntCarefully though, talk to her about it. I am a girl and I do it a few times, though no one knows bout it except one of my BFFs. I'm 13.

She might be searching lesbian things because she isn't comfortable searching and looking at male parts. I'm still not. She probably isn't lesbian for searching this kind of porn. I'm not. ^-^

You might want to: Call her gently and show her the history. She might be really scared that you might get mad. Stay calm, and don't explode. It'll make situations worse. Act like its perfectly okay and you don't really care. Casually ask the questions, don't demand.

'When did you start watching this?'

'Do you do it alot?'

'Why didn't you tell me sweetie?'

don't make it sound like she did something wrong.

after she seems a little comfortable talking to you about it, then you can ask her more tough questions. Then you can show your Disapproval, if you are.

Accept the fact and make sure she doesn't get addicted.

Hope this was helpful.

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A female reader, Tasty United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2010):

i think u should sit down and talk to her about wat she done and ask why she was watching lesbian porn ..... it could be her mind askin or it could be herr way of saying shes a lebian but try talk to her it won't do any harm..... xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

Maybe you should consider putting child protection on your pc? Just, if she's curious about things she could surf onto much worse sites.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2010):

I think you need to talk to her about it. We had a question by a young girl on here who was only 13, and she and her friend had watched porn and were scared of it because they were worried that what they saw was what sex was. Of course, it's not. It's not like sex. You don't want your daughter to grow up worrying and thinking that porn is natural sex. I think you probably need to have the 'birds and the bees' talk.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

person12345 agony auntI think you should talk to her about it. Keeping it taboo will make it worse. 11 is young, yes, but at the same time what's done is done. Now she's going to have a lot of questions and if you don't answer them, porn will. Badly. I can't really tell you how to talk to your daughter, but you should be frank with her. Answer any questions honestly. And do not under any circumstances get angry about this. Be open, and try to educate her. Make sure she knows porn is fake and a very poor model for a healthy relationship. You might also bring up masturbation, so she knows it's a healthy private thing to do. I know I wish someone had taught me about healthy masturbation when I was younger. If more young girls were educated about it, the huge sexual chasm between men and women would probably close a lot more and more women would be sexually satisfied. Don't worry too much, 11 is actually the average age to first see porn. As long as you address it and don't sweep it under the carpet everything will be fine. Leave communication about this open for her so she knows it's safe to come to you with any questions.

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A female reader, gracereal United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

OKAY,

talk to her but be nice. it is natural for children to want to c that kind of stuff. tell her if she wants to know to talk to you and that if she wants to know what it is ......... show it to her or she'll just do it behind your back.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

You're 18-21 and you have an 11 yr old daughter? Would that mean you had her at 11?

That aside, there's nothing wrong with it. I was curious at 11 too and there's a lot more on tv and what not these days to peak a kids interest a bit more than it used to.

Have you had the birds and the bees talk with her yet? Now would be a good time to start.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

You're 18-21 and you have an 11 yr old daughter? Would that mean you had her at 11?

That aside, there's nothing wrong with it. I was curious at 11 too and there's a lot more on tv and what not these days to peak a kids interest a bit more than it used to.

Have you had the birds and the bees talk with her yet? Now would be a good time to start.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

She is probably just curious. Unless this becomes a regular thing, I wouldn't worry. I think that is young to be looking up pornography (gay or straight) for any other reason, but maybe not... just be more aware and if it does seem to be a habbit you might want to consider privacy settings... Up to your discretion. Most likely talking to her about it will just mortify her, so hold off on that.

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