A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Thanks to anyone who reads and replies to this. Ok me and my bf have been going out for about 3 years. Hes just recently asked me if we could move in together after my 1st year of uni. I am not ready for such a commitment like that. Ive just started to get on my own two feet and explore who I am and what I can do for my career. My independence was none existent before and im loving the freedom. (Ive been with hims since i was 15 and he was 18 and im 19 in a week and hes 21) Ive explained to him about my worries about finance, becuase i do a fulltime course, I wont be able to afford a place with just him and me. My flat mates are looking at houses now and i would honestly prefer to stay on my own two feet and live with a big group of people. He has now told me he is 'rethinking' the relationship. I dont personally see what he has to re think. Im very angry at the fact he hasnt respected my opinion and is now putting our relationship on the line becuase hes not getting what he wants.What do you think I should say to him? Thanks
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female
reader, doctorlove  +, writes (9 December 2009):
Well there's not much problem here. He don't respect you or your desision obviously so you should probably call it quits with him. The you'll find you have even more freedom.
A
female
reader, Katiekins86 +, writes (9 December 2009):
 Good for you. I was in the same position as you, he was stubborn so I moved in. We have since split up because of the financial pressure on him (I was at uni also), which baffled me completely as like you I was happy to be independent and leave it. I think you know deep down that you shouldn't just yet. Why is he in such a rush? I'm sorry I'm not approaching your question objectively what with my personal experience, but I think you're right to stand your ground. I'm still waiting for the money I put into the house, while he has the girl he cheated on me with staying. If you guys are meant to be, you will be whether you live together soon or not.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 December 2009):
If you're not ready, you're not ready and that's it. If he can't respect that, then there's no point in continuing. What happens in the future if you want to have a child and he doesn't or he wants to marry and you don't. Is he always going to go off in a huff? What use is he if he does that? A good man will respect your opinion and listen to you. I think you're right not to move in yet. I think you're still young and would benefit more from being with friends at uni, with no worries about being tied down to a house with your boyfriend a this time (let's face it, if it went wrong you'd be in a mess). I don't think there's anything you can say to him other than he needs to respect that you love him, but aren't ready to move in. If he doesn't like it, then you know he isn't listening to you, and you'd be better moving on.
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