A
female
age
51-59,
*ukie
writes:Hi...so, my 14 year old "little" girl has just experienced her first love and now it seems like her first breakup!..She is not allowed to go on dates yet, but the young boy often came to our house over weekends..and every now and then a group of teens would go out with my eldest daughter...It was always so easy to talk to my eldest(20)in her difficult teen years, but this one is different...she doesnt open up easily and i dont want to force....What can i do or say to make her heartache better and let her know its part of growing up...its not affecting her schoolwork or anything but i dont like the fact that she sometimes just lay in her room till she fall asleep.I do let her know that im there if she wants to talk to me about anything. Any moms with teens going through this now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kukie +, writes (19 October 2011):
kukie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, she is a shy and very private child...I,ll just do as you suggest and let her overcome this in her own time, but at the same time remind her that im there should she wish to talk.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 Maybe she wants to keep this to herself?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): hii...
well, i'm not yet a mother, but i do think that i can contribute at least a little bit of help to you. my first love broke up with me when i was seventeen after seven months. i was absolutely CRUSHED...and like you, my mom struggled to get me to talk about my feelings. i know that this might sound mean, but it's the truth: the more she struggled, the more i resisted talking to her about it. i would talk to my friends pretty much twenty-four seven, but i never told my mom anything. and it wasn't just with that particular situation--it was with a lot of other things, too.
then, one day when i was nineteen, i decided to try talking to my mom about a difficult situation that i was going through. a big part of this decision was actually that she didn't pressure me to tell her anything. she had been noticing the signs that something was wrong, but she hadn't constantly, like, followed me around wanting to know what was up or anything like that. basically, for some reason, that made me WANT to tell her what was going on. since then, i've been a whole lot more open with her about stuff; there are even things that happened years ago that she's just now finding out about. of course, like pretty much every other young girl, i do still have SOME secrets that she may not know about for a little while longer...if she ever finds out at all.
the point that i'm trying to make is that maybe your daughter is like me. maybe once she grows up a little bit, she'll decide to confide in you. i'm not accusing you of trying too hard or anything, but if you ARE trying too hard, give her some space. don't constantly ask her what she's feeling; let her come to you if and when she wants to. really, just continue to let her know that you're there if she needs you. i'm sure that she already knows that, but heyy, a little reassurance every now and again never hurt anybody.
it might take months, and it might take years. but i have a feeling that someday, she'll decide to start telling you more stuff. and when she does, it'll be wonderful; it will bring the two of you soo much closer. at least, that's what happened with my mom and me. and if you guys are anything like us, then trust me...it's worth the wait. ")
good luck, and God bless,
~sarsar~
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 I promise that it's impossible for her to even think about the fact that you've "been there done that". Our kids cannot grasp that we were once their age and had all those heartaches..
I'd just let her know that you understand and that you are available to talk without judgement or questioning.. maybe she just needs to talk...
OTOH, if she does not want to talk, but she's eating, doing ok in school and getting out a bit with friends.. she may just want to mourn in private... we have to respect that in our children as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Been there got the Tshirt, lads take it alot harder in my experience
My daughter had her first brush with break-up at 16, even though I knew what had happened it was her friends she unloaded too.They were in her corner till she got over wanting to kill him.
Her 2nd was recent, shes in her 20's, alot harder alot deeper cut, she opened up a little to me once she got her head round it, but again, more to her friends.We are close and believe me I wanted to make it all better for her, I was there if and when she needed.
I think thats all you can do,watch and wait.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 I am 14 years old, and like your daughter with my mum i really do not like talking about love and romance and boys.
When i had my first (you could say crush) love and i stoped to talking to them and we just drifted apart i just wanted to keep in to myself and i think personally talking to my mum about it would of really embarassed me and made me feel even worse about the whole situation.
I suppose its all to do with what sort of person your daughter is, if she is maybe quite shy and has abit of trouble talking openly about things i do think it is best just to let her come to you if she wants to. Maybe she really just wants to forget about it all and move on in her own time.
You have let her know your there for her and thats the best you can do, i wouldn't pressure her and if she does want to talk about then she will come to you and if she doesn't then its best just to let this issue go out of your mind and just carry on.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 There is nothing more that you can do than tell her that you are there for her if she needs help and/or moral support.
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