A
male
age
30-35,
*at1trippy
writes:I am at the point where I really don't understand what's wrong with me. I am too young to be so depressed and too old to be desperate over such childish things. Being gay isn't easy but this is just ridiculous. I am going crazy over the fact that I'm single, have been for a year now. I've done everything people told me to do! I changed my appearance, my diet, I've lost weight, I smile a lot more, I exercise more, I'm trying my best in school, etc. I've waited for someone to come and I've gone and looked for someone and NOTHING! What am I doing wrong!? I may be depressed but I never show it with the hopes that maybe today will be different only to be disappointed again! I try my best to make myself happy but I always come back down. Now the pain of a shattered heart is becoming physical! I can literally feel the pain there now. I'm not a bad person I honestly ain't! I try to be the best person I can on a daily basis! I hold the door for people, I help a family move in to their place for no charge, I let an old lady walk in front of me, I bow in respect for an elder and I respect all life that's on this earth. I recycle and compost and do anything to help better the environment. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. I do community service to bring ecological and food justice to the world. I am not perfect and I make mistakes, big ones at times but I am human. I am not a christian by the way. In other words, I live a life of morals and principals, of striving to be a truly goodhearted person. Yet I find myself alone....am I not attractive? am I ugly? is what I'm doing wrong? I try to be as real as humanly possible. Why can't I find someone to hold me and tell me they love me and proud of me? I don't wanna seem selfish because all I do, I do it from the bottom of my heart, but I can't help but feel I give and give and get nothing in return. I can't even type that on here without feeling evil, but I have to say how I truly feel. Please someone help me! I need some serious advice because I don't know what to do anymore!
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male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 When I was around 24 I went through something similar. I was just coming out (to myself) and found it really hard to essentially attract people. All of my straight friends then started getting married and I started thinking... OMG! What's wrong with me.
What's wrong with you? Essentially... it boils down to NOTHING.
And I know it's hard to believe now... BUT that right one will come along... and it will most likely happen when you least expect it to. The more you look or want it to happen the more your start focusing on it and then developing negative attitudes.
Probably the BEST way to find someone... is by going to parties, being with friends and just meeting people (their friends). Eventually you'll either meet someone directly... or you'll get hooked up through friends.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (26 October 2010):
dont be so hard on urself. u have bettered urself in everyway possible now all u need 2 do is continue to live ur life. ur one tru partner is out there somewhere maybe they r struggling with their sexuality at the moment. you probably need to wait for ur future partner 2 feel ready in their own skin. dont worry or beat urself up. i know u have been waiting for a yr but u might have 2 wait another in the meantime get out there and have fun. go to clubs dance drink and get crazy. u never know ur soulmate could b a bartender or a dj.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (26 October 2010):
Hi there. It's clear you are doing everything right generally speaking, and helping others and the environment, with respect for all creatures on Earth.
The one thing you may not be doing, is although you say you have made some changes on the outside - lose weight, etc., it's probably change on the inside that you really need.
You see, no-one else in the world can love, respect and accept you unconditionally, unless you first feel that way about yourself. Love all begins with how we feel about ourselves. If we feel we are lacking in some way, as you kind of do, as you are asking - "What's wrong with me? Why can't I find someone to love me?"
It's like you have already reached a foregone conclusion that you automatically believe you must be missing something in your self-worth. Just because you haven't met someone who likes you as much as you like them. Perhaps you are sending out all the wrong messages, without realizing it.
When a person has doubts about their ability to attract the right partners into their lives, they start to identify with this and then begin to feel that they are not as good as others who seem to be having some success in the romance stakes. Without realizing this, they go on feeling that way inside and actually in their behaviour, begin to emotionally push other prospective partners away from them.
They probably do this, by not really allowing others to get close to them. In other words, not ever talking about your feelings, what you like and dislike, all the sorts of things people talk about on a regular basis, which helps others to get to know you more thoroughly. These things are what enables people to become closer, and it makes it easier to talk to someone who is an open book, so to speak. It builds a really good rapport, and a feeling of connection. All good relationships have this.
Hiding nothing from others about themselves. I don't mean telling people any sordid details about past failed relationships, running other people down, or that your parents divorced when you were little. I of course, just mean life generally. Staying positive and happy about life in a general sense.
People who were once open minded and could talk about themselves freely and their lives, then over the years close up, often do this because of the fear of getting hurt again. So they clam up and don't let people in, in the first place. This is more likely to be a reason for the way you feeling right now. You've been protecting yourself.
It comes down to trust, and knowing how much to let other people know, while things are new between you. Reserve some very personal details till much later down the track, or don't ever both (it's not necessary), but always use discretion. Again, the trust thing.
For instance, on a first date with a prospective new partner, you would never discuss past relationships or your last ex. In fact, this is never a topic for public discussion. It's no-one's business but yours. No-one ever needs to know this information. Even if someone were to ask, you just don't talk about it - ever. It serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. It would actually be very uncomfortable for both of you. Just don't go there.
The main thing is to believe in yourself. Know that you are worthy of the best in life, and will settle for nothing less. Don't allow yourself to be taken for granted or treated badly by anyone.
Believe in yourself completely, know that you are already perfect. Don't feel like you have to be making improvements to yourself constantly, just to make the grade and be equal to others who have successful relationships. We are all equal. No single person is any better than anyone else. Believe it - it's true.
When you do meet someone you'd like to go out with, just be yourself and be happy and live in the moment. Keep it light and friendly and just have fun. See how it goes.
Don't be thinking - "Did I say the right thing just then?" Just don't second guess yourself at all. Be confident and be proud and respect yourself, for the worthy human being that you already are, and know that you deserve to have the best in life you can have, always.
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A
female
reader, PLAYFUL +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Their is nothing wrong with u look at it as a good thing your single you could do so much with ur life u don't need a guy to make u happy have fun enjoy life and if u want a guy ask him out don't wait for them to ask u but look at it as time to enjoy life and be free...xox Good luck
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