A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes I wake up and for a while my world feels like it's tumbling into Hell. I cannot explain this because I can find happiness in friends, the arts, nature...but for some reason I have mornings where I wake up and feel "Oh God this life is miserable!" and cry and cry. Generally a Mountain Dew will settle my feeling, or being around people I feel safe and close with, and mostly this feeling never extends far beyond noontime.What is this? It's hurts me so much and I do not want it to conflict with my relationship with others and my studying habits, because I am afraid that if it lingers too long it will. It kind of feels like an internal attack on all of my ambitions and a belittlement of all I feel I've accomplished in my 21 years of living.Let me tell you some about myself so that you can get an idea of what state I'm at in my life:I have been seeing a most wonderful guy for near 11 months. We had a kind of fall out for the past few months, no arguing or anything, just dealing with a lot of juggling in regards to school, distance, adjusting to a move, etc, but things look like they're circling around for the better lately since we've seen each other a little more. I do not find direct grief in any of that, and haven't for about a month and a half.I was a victim of sexual assult last September and was out of intensive couseling for a good four months until I picked it up again about a month ago. I hardly have any symptoms of PTSD any more, and mostly I identify myself as a thiver/surviver. In December, after going abroad for sometime, I moved two states away to live back East where I'm originally from and have an apartment with my brother. He doesn't do his dishes sometiems which pisses me off, but other than that I am satisfied and even pleased with our home and the city we live in. We moved here not knowing what to expect so I'm glad I like it so. We do not have any family nearby to speak of, but I feel supported by my scholarship base close at hand and from friends. The hardest thing I'm dealing with right now is working two jobs and trying to get back into school for fall semester.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hey sweetheart I think that the trauma's in your life have certainly taken their toll on you and I glad you are seeing a counsellor again.
Have you told your counsellor about these feelings in the morning that you get?
It could be to do with your diet and whether you are getting the right nutrients into your body or maybe you could be lacking in vital vitamins as well.
I suffered very bad postnatal depression after my daughter was born but it was not diagnosed for over 2 years and I used to go to bed for about 8+ hours and wake up absolutely exhausted. I cried all the time for no particular reason and I felt like I did not want to go on but every time I thought that way I reminded myself that my little girl needed me.
Are you on any form of antidepressants at all at the moment?
Sounds like your bf is very supportive and you have had a lot of changes going on for you both which could have upset the way you view things at the moment.
Working 2 jobs could be too much for you at the moment and I know when we need cash we do what we have to but you also have to do the things in life that make you happy and perhaps you have been forgetting these.
Start to think about you for a change and let your brother know that he is a slob and you are not his mother or babysitter as stress from something simple like that can push us too far from time to time.
Even though you don't have family nearby if you are close to someone in particular then make regular contact any way you can, distance is not the object her but support for you is so even if it is by writing a letter or email make sure you keep those closest to you that give you strength OK.
Let us know how you are doing OK.
Take care and keep smiling eh! I think everything will settle down but just keep talking and plan something positive in your life even if it is a visit home in the future sometime or seeing old friends, something you can look forward to.
Take care and stay strong and positive.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, CupidsLilSis +, writes (31 May 2007):
Hey sweetie, you sound like you've had it pretty tough over the past year. Let me just tell you a bit about myself. My Daddy died when I was a little girl. I moved out of my Ma's house 3 yrs ago because her and her boyfriend actually hit me and my brother. I was so low, I started smoking weed everyday for about a year. I then started taking ecstasy and ended up making myself more depressed than ever. I went to the doctors and they put me on Antidepressants. After about a year I was much better.
I've never been a religious person and actually used to refer to people as 'Bible Bashers' (goes to show how ignorant I was.) Anyway, I've strayed from the point. It all started when I read the story of Joseph in the Bible. It is such a great book and shows a good guideline of how to live your life and also teaches that you can lean on God and tell him your troubles and fears through prayer, and I promise you, he will come through and help you through times of need. I never thought it would happen to me but I have found salvation, and I hope you do too xx take care and chin up xx
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A
male
reader, Big boy +, writes (31 May 2007):
 You sound stressed out, all I can say is just to relax your self and do things one at a time to suite you, in it terms of your most important needs first. Life is to be lived with fun, although everyone has ups and downs... you need to derive happiness in your life. Try to just relax your mind and think of your future plans and steps needed to be accomplished to get there. You’re just going through a phase.
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A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (31 May 2007):
 i think we all feel like this sometimes honey.- usually its for a reason though.
it could possibly be a hormonal thing- or maybe your just not a morning person.
you have suffered trauma which could be a factor. if your worried about this i think it might help you to get a proffesional opinion
hth x
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