A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend have been together for about 4 years now, first 2 years were fine but the last 2 are getting worse, always trying to look through my phone on who I talk to and what about, everytime I plan something with friends she pulls the oh we never spend any time together and you dont care about "our" time. Sometimes I just need to get some space and hang out with friends, is that a bad thing? She gets to spend time with her friends while I stay at home or at work, but I cant? What should I do? We broke it off once because of this and got back together a couple weeks later with her promising she wouldnt do this again but its back to the same thing over.
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male
reader, Luckshot  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Dirtball pretty much summed it up for you there. It's a double standered and thats not what a relationship should be.
You broke it off for a reason and got back when you thought the problem was fixed. The problem has not been fixed so dont stay. Being told "we never spend time together" or "You dont care about or time" is emotional blackmail mate.
Move on theres plenty of nice women out there who want to psend time with you, and give you your space as long as it's a two way street.
Good Luck :-)
A
male
reader, lawyerbait +, writes (28 December 2010):
 Sounds like your girlfriend has trust issues. If you really care about her, and yourself, then she has no need to worry about you spending a little bit of time by yourself and with friends. Have you been to couple's therapy? Is she taking medication for depression? When your partner wants to be with you 24x7, it can feel overwhelming and really sour the relationship fast.I've been through periods of time like you describe with some very needy women and have learned that their lack of self-confidence is unnerving. It's HEALTHY to have a guys' night / girls' night, because then you can focus on doing things together that you both enjoy when you're together. In fact, now that I'm in my 40's, I only seek out well-adjusted women (I know, they're rare) who are capable of standing on their own 2 feet. That way when they choose to be with me, I know that we're equal partners in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 December 2010):
 It's not a bad thing to want some space or to hang out with your friends. That's healthy in a relationship. To me, the most telling thing you wrote was this:
"We broke it off once because of this and got back together a couple weeks later with her promising she wouldnt do this again but its back to the same thing over."
She changed for you, not for herself. That's why the change was temporary. That's also why you should leave for good this time. She will not change this behavior, and it is not healthy for you to be with her anymore. You deserve someone better, who doesn't have double standards, and most of all someone who trusts you. She doesn't trust you, that's why she snoops through your phone, doesn't want you going out, etc. It's all about trust.
Leave her. You'll be happier in the long run.
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