A
female
age
30-35,
*ulie86
writes:My Boyfriend got me a dildo and lube for valentine's day and I'm really upset because that is not at all what I wanted. What should I do?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 Be Kind. I KNOW!!!! My husband bought me a BowFlex for my birthday (he had remembered that I wanted to get into better shape... Seriously? Not a good idea). I get it. You are not happy with his ineptitude.
Firstly, Don't Be Shy!!! TELL him DAYS in advance What It Is That You Want. "Oh - Wouldn't it be romantic if he read my mind?!!!!" Not going to happen.
Here's a better way. Talk about other people and the lovely things they got last year instead of hanging him out to dry when he doesn't have a clue what it is that you want. They are guys. They're not girls - don't expect him to read your mind.
I can tell you for a fact - he does NOT Understand that you wanted a "Pen & Ink" letter professing his UNDYING LOVE and some flowers or chocolates....
He is a guy. To him, Saying I Love You "IS" Sex - His most intimate act of being WITH You. He thinks that SEX + YOU = Love!!! AND ---- Honestly? - Hun - that's not such a bad thing. All he was thinking when he gave you that gift was - that MORE sex would be sexier!
So don't crucify him - just lead him in the right direction the next special occasion instead of shooting yourselves in the foot. Guys are guys, they don't think like guys in romance novels, who are fictional - or guys in soap opera, who are all mostly gay actors.
If you don't wish to be disappointed on birthdays, Valentine's Day or Christmas - just keep the lines of communication open and tell them what you would like for your birthday. Expecting you man to be a mind-reader and setting yourself up for a let-down is a surefire recipe for disappointment.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 hi
i had a boyfriend once that got me a hideous looking vibrator with weird and wonderful prongs hanging off it. i thanked him at the time but then later asked him if he would mind if i tried to exchange it for something else (the sex shop agreed to give a refund as long as they could see it had not been removed from its packaging) boyfriend was cool with me getting a refund.
if you don't say something he might get you something else you don't want for your birthday / Christmas / anniversary!
while it ok to buy stuff like this for each other i think something like this is really a present for himself coz he can either get a 'dildo show' by you or it can give him an easier life if he wants to have less sex with you. i think birthdays and holidays should be a time for special gifts that you actually WANT. like i said to my EX when he got me the mad vibrator 'what am i gonna tell my mother when she asks me what you gave me for Christmas??!'
xx
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A
male
reader, GreatFelix +, writes (14 February 2011):
Well there's a number of things you could possibly get out of this. The thing is it depends on his/your personality.
He could have seen it as a joke and thought you'd laugh and accept it as a comedy present. This shows he's a joker of a guy and means no harm, but he would only do this if he was openly jokey
Then again it could mean that he was unsure what to get you. You're both young and at the age where sex is a big thing and to buy a sex toy and lube may be him saying "lets try some new things". (Lets not deny the countless new possibilities with lube and a dildo!!!)
While this isn't very romantic whatsoever don't discard it immediatley. It's a new idea for him that's thinking outside the box, perhaps he messed up sure, but don't take it the wrong way, tell him what you honestly think about it with a smile not a scorn.
Remember that at the end of the day, however old you both get that you were his valentine when he was 18, you only get 1 valentines day a year and it's not a time or age for screwing around. Mistakes happen, they always do, tell him and let it slide and leave it out of your mind.
Hope you had a happy valentines :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Do they not have chocolate in your part of the world? I got my wife chocolate, I sure hope she didn't want a dildo and some lube.
Now, not to make fun of the situation. He's sending a message here, not sure what it is, but he's clearly not thinking of you at this point or he is so clueless that he doesn't understand what most women want.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Well it IS the gift that keeps on giving....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Aww i'm sorry OP but your comment made me laugh. I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Sorry OP, when I read your question the first time I read "that's not all I wanted" not what you actually wrote.
He's not very romantic, is he? You could always give it back to him and tell him to have fun using it. Or thank him for the replacement since you want a man who can be romantic.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 February 2011):
 I would tell him it's a nice gesture but you were wanting something a little more romantic. He'll most likely go back out and correct his mistake. Or maybe he still has plans to make you dinner, or go out for dinner.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Use them for some really great rocking sex tonight.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (14 February 2011):
You should realize that expectations for gifts are only a way to set yourself up for a letdown, and that expecting nobody to ever give you anything is a much more realistic way to approach life. If you expect things, you'll either be satisfied or disappointed. If you expect nothing, you'll either be satisfied or pleasantly surprised.
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A
female
reader, julie86 +, writes (14 February 2011):
julie86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did not want this as a gift at all. I would rather have gotten nothing. just to be clear.
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A
female
reader, julie86 +, writes (14 February 2011):
julie86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had told him before that I wanted something cute like a stuffed animal or flowers, ect. I said nothing about a dildo. We're 18 and have been dating for over a year.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
Be grateful you got some of what you wanted. Maybe he has a surprise planned for later. Why not be grateful you have someone to spend the holiday with rather than be upset that you didn't get everything on your list? There are plenty of people out there that don't even have someone to spend this holiday with.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 February 2011):
You ask what did he REALLY get you for Valentine's Day. Or did you tell him you wanted those items and something else? It's not too late for him to run to Wal-mart, Target, to nab you a box of chocolates. Flowers and chocolate covered strawberrries on the other hand will be hard to come by.
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