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Should we think about moving in his sisters house? She's bossy and controlling

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 September 2020) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2020)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

Should we think about moving in his sisters house my husbands oldest sister husband passed March of this year she is now saying she wont s to move out her house.

I cannot stand her she controlling bossy and sure a pain in our marriage she stood in our way last year for a house my oldest neice had mentioned hubby is scared of her we have Section 8 I did let her know how I felt she goes I was mad at the wrong person speak to him.

He s disabled and I have an adult special needs daughter she lives way out and either one of us can drive I have researched in regards to close places to take a Lyte ride I don t know the thought of her being our landlord makes my skin crawl.

I have not had it that good the last 6 years we have been married due to her I still thinking about moving out its not him but her I m trying if I do take her offer up not to make a bad decision.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2020):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hello l would like to thank all those responded to my question thank you boy I see and hear no she is a pain.

Hubby godmother said to not give up on moving just seems do it not say anythi

anything to hubby I'm saying how do n the world which due to his disability some things he does know I just wish he stop being scared of her learn to speak up.

If there s ways to move how do you when you are dealing with ms controlling won't you to me move where she won't s not pay so much I guess maybe just have to maybe cuss her out.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (22 September 2020):

Honeypie agony auntWhat would be the benefit of living in the same house or as her tenant? For you and your husband?

If the bad outweigh the good, then what is the point?

Seems like you have enough on your plate as it is, why add this sister to the drama and hardship?

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A female reader, linmuir United Kingdom +, writes (19 September 2020):

I am not sure I understood the situation.

Your sister in law wants to move out of her house to let you, your husband and your daughter move into it, meaning she will become your landlord?

Is that the situation?

If so, and your gut instinct is that you don't like her and find her controlling, then it seems straightforward not to accept her offer. Your husband and daughter are both very vulnerable; one is disabled, the other has adult learning difficulties - so, if she really is very controlling, she could easily find ways to manipulate them (or you through them), especially if she has ultimate control over your living situation / your home.

What would be any attraction at all in the option to move into her property? Is it because you need help? Can you get the help from elsewhere?

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A female reader, mystiquek United States +, writes (18 September 2020):

mystiquek agony auntGo with your gut instinct, OP. You sense that it would be a bad idea and it would be. Why move in with someone that you don't care for and then to have them be your landlord? You think she's controlling now? What would she be like with you living in her home? This is a hard pass, don't even consider it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2020):

If you and your sister-in-law are not on good-terms; I don't see any sense in moving into her property. You believe she'd be a controlling landlord. Any landlord would be controlling when it comes to how you treat their property. That's why you sign a lease agreement, and agree to live in their property in accordance to their rules and guidelines.

You have personal-issues between you; and that's reason enough to take a pass on moving into the house.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (18 September 2020):

kenny agony auntI agree with CindyCares, i too did not understand the whole story very well either.

Did you say she won't move out of her house, or she wants to move out of her house?.

Either way moving in with her, or her becoming your landlady, i think that neither of these options are a good idea taking into consideration the past events and relationship history.

Look for somewhere else to live.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (18 September 2020):

CindyCares agony aunt I admit that I did not understand very well the whole story, like, if you'd go to live together with this sister, or if she'd just be your landlady but would live elsewhere....regardless, I'd say the decisison sounds relatively easy to take, and it's clearly a no.

If you can't stomach the lady, and the idea of having her closer makes you skin crawl, and if she caused trouble in your marriage for the last 6 years...obviously it is more prudent if you give her a wide berth and look for some other place to live.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2020):

I'm not sure I understood all the details of your situation.

What I did gather is that your family and your sister is not a good combo.

You would be on her turf, meaning her house her rules. She won't be necessarily right, but she will have the right to ask you to behave the way it suits her.

If you have the means, do not move in with her.

If you don't, well then you do not have much choice.

If it's the latter you will need to take your ego a few notches down and do whatever you can to improve your situation and move out of her house.

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