A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife is very friendly and open to male friends than women friends. She says she is more confortable with men than women. She almost talk about anything(culture, love eperiance, sexual things, men vs women behaviour etc) with her male friends may be except her marriage. I don't like her too much openeness and closeness to male friends. She say it meant nothing but friendship. She don't mind to go to sauna, massage, shopping, clubs...with them had it not been for my objection. She blame me not trusting her. I really trust her but I felt it is too much and might lead her to get herself in something that will affect our relation. We love each other, we communicate well, have sex almost everyday.....no lack of attention for each other. If there is one it is her absence sometimes. I'm always there for her. Is this behaviour something normal or is she doing something wrong unkowingly? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I am a male who has had married women friends like this one. Short answer is, those close friendships several times resulted in sexual relationships. It just seemed to come natural as a normal extension (or expansion?) of other activities together. Not only activities but conversations. "She" talked about "him" and the talk turned erotic. No surprise there, so always the results should not be surprising. But at the same time, I submit that probably the same percentage of all married women have sex other than husband.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Everyone here is seems to be either saying don't worry about this, the men are probably gay, therefore like female friends. Or some females get on better with guys, more common ground etc. I concur with the latter, but NO one has yet raised the possibility apart from myself, IF this situation has just started all of a sudden, or something she had done all her life.
If for example it was the former, she had just started going to clubs, saunas, massage parlours with guys, and not so available, as he says in his posting, then yes, I too would question this. If his wife has had these types of friendships all her life, then it would be 'normal' behaviour, so why is he so worried now, and why did he go ahead and marry her with these issues hanging in the balance.
No on can presume that this is 'normal' as NONE of us know how long this has been going on, lifelong or recently. Facts are needed for that. If recently, it may explain 'insecure feelings' on the husbands behalf - and as for presuming these men are gay, is taking presuming one step too far, as I feel he would have mentioned this, but hopefully the OP may enlighten us, and give some more background history.
And because a couple have sex, does not mean there is little or no chance of outside sexual activity, once more this has been presumed. Far more detail about this situation needs to be known before any one can make any of those judgements.
I think there is a lot more going on here than has been divulged.
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A
female
reader, viccra78  +, writes (24 January 2011):
I wouldn't be threatened by her friendships with men. Some women truely do get along better with them versus women. Being a woman I feel I CAN say this but we tend to be rather bitchy and personally, I would rather hang out with a man anyday.I have several male friends and thats where it ends, friends. It IS possible for men and women to be just friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): If they go shopping together, sauna, massages, dancing and talking about intimate things and while she's having sex with you, it's most likely that her friends are gay. There's a lot of gay man/straight girl friendships and this shouldn't worry you. My best friend is a gay man.
You say you two have an active sex life, so there's little to no chance she's looking for sex with other men. It sounds like they're her "girlfriends".
If you are still insecure about her, find out if some of her friends are gay or act gay but could be still in the closet. It might answer some questions and put your mind at ease.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (24 January 2011):
your gf behaviour is strange indeed
i believe you should ask an older and experienced women that you trust about your gf behaviour
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 haha yeah Cerberus I had similar thoughts if these male friends are going shopping with her massage parlours etc any chance these friends of hers are gay? If so mate you have nothing to worry about again if their hetero as well you have nothing to worry about unless there is signs there you've seen that are warning of wrong doings but I highly doubt any hetero male is going to bother going shopping with a lass who isn't theirs.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I have always had more male friends then female. I jsut clicked better with males. And I have NEVER dated or slept with a friend. Ever. So I think you need to look at WHY you feel this way, why you don't trust her, because it does come down to trust.
The whole idea that a spouse (husband or wife) will/can demand WHO the other one befriend I find ridiculous, specially if not inappropriate is going on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): There's nothing to worry about, I know I might get riled and cast down for this assumption but shopping, massage, sauna etc. are her male friends gay by any chance? If so then they might aswell be female friends for the threat they pose to your relationship.
Even if they're not it's not too much to worry about as long as your wife knows her boundaries and never crosses any of those boundaries. I know plenty of women that have pretty much all male friends and it just means they relate better to guys. One such girl told me she feels more comfortable around guys because they don't gossip as much, there's no competition to look better, no competition for boyfriends, they're less judgmental, more fun, more relaxed. These are all her words not mine. She's basically not into talking about shoes, hair, makeup, soap operas or celebrities so she finds very little to talk about with other women.
Besides she's your wife, this is hardly a new development so why is it a problem for you all of a sudden? Or were you uncomfortable with it all along but let it slide?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): Well, although I agree in essence to the reply from CJH, I would ask if this behaviour was the same before you married her, did she have this type of connection with males, going to saunas, massage, clubs etc, with open discussion of love experiences or sexual things???As I think that will indicate if this is ' Normal' for your wife or whether it is something that has just occured in your marriage.I personally have more male friends than females, but this has part of my entire life, so very accustomed to having platonic male friends, however I would not go to a sauna or massages with them, whereas I would with my female friends. But that is me, only you can decide if your wife is behaving differently to how she has behaved before.I wonder, if this question was from a female about her husband going to massage, saunas or clubs with women, talking openly on sexual topics, whether the answer would be different. I somehow think it would be. There is no problem whatsoever in men or women having platonic friends, it is healthy, but perhaps not to the extent where boundaries may be crossed. Even thought 'TRUST' is vital, not to the point where one disregards the fact people are human, and push the trust test just a fraction too much.I hope you can resolve this in a manner where you both feel happy, as you're clearly not, and marriage is about compromise as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): *We love each other, we communicate well, have sex almost everyday*
Sounds like you have a great marriage. Think of it this way, you know that she has more male friends, you know what she is talking about to them she is open with you, it's when she is keeping secrets, you need to worry.
You said that sometimes she is busy, two things on that front 1, does she make time for you? Are you spending time together? and 2, You need to find things to do for yourself some sort of hobby or interest.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I think you need to allow your wife her freedom and respect what she wants.
From what you say, its clear the realtionship is perfect for both of you so dont try to change her.
It is entirely possible for women to have male friends and vice versa without any funny business going on. Try not to let your insecurities or jealousy get in the way - for both of your sakes.
I`m the opposite - cant stand male company but get on with women amazingly well. I would never look at my female friends as girlfriend material, I just prefer their company and their views.
Stop worrying and carry on enjoying what seems to be a great marriage.
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