Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): My view is slightly different from the other posters because I have actually experienced a similar event first hand. My husband's mother died and my husband allowed his ex girlfriend and a woman who had caused a lot of trouble between us to come to the funeral because this lady and his mother were close and because this lady was his sister's best friend. I did not want to go because I did not want to be in the same space as this awful woman. I was forced into going to support my husband and boy was it an enormous mistake. The sister would not speak to me for being difficult about her friend, I was ignored and teased and it was bloody awful. I wish I had never ever gone. My husband felt I had made a scene about nothing and that in his words ' anyone who knew my mother' was welcome at the funeral. We have not got on at all since this event. Ok if you can bear to be in the same space as this woman and want to provide a unified front go together as this will piss the ex off or if you can't cope with it let him go on his own. The answer is if he wants to go let him. Personally I would stay away as I would get too annoyed about the whole thing and would be constantly watching her every move and be feeling cross but hopefully you are a lot more mature than me!
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 I do believe that he should go to the funeral, and I do believe that YOU should accompany him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 At the bare minimum he should go for his children and to pay respects to their grandfather.
I think it would be appropriate for you to too if you are close to your step children to support them and your husband.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): if he had a good or at least neutral relationship with the man, regardless of what his ex is like, then it's appropriate for him to go since it's his children's grandfather. You should attend as well since you are his wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): I think your right. With an ex like that its better to end all contact and if he does go then she probably would see this as as an opportunity to cause problemsall the best
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 Hi, I'm just going to say they should go purely due to the two grandchildren. But I do hear your concerns about her trying to break things up. However, try to dig deep at this time and let the day pass. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): that's completely up to him. if he had a relationship with this man, then yes, it would be the right thing to do to pay his last respects. if he never did, and she's just looking for him to console her in her time of need, then no, it's not appropriate. but based on the little amount of details, it's hard to really say one way or another.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 January 2013):
 Yes he should go because it sets the right example to his children. If you trusted him and believed in the strength of your marriage then it would not be a problem for you that he goes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Yes! It's his kids grandpa and a man he might have liked and respected. Quit being so insecure and self-centered!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): "Should he attend her father's funeral? I believe it will give her mixed signals and she'll start to try and cause problems again.."
No, he should attend his children's grandfather's funeral. It will give them clear signals and they'll know that their father loves them unconditionally and is always there for them. Given the attitudes of their mother and step-mother, they need to know they have at least one loving, responsible adult in their corner on whom they can always depend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Yes he should go as a mark of respect, and to be a support to his kids. Also be the better person here and say you dont mind him going as her father was part of his life for along time and you understand he will be grieving his ex father in law (only say this if he got on with him though)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Your husband should have enough sense to ask you to go to the funeral too and not him all by himself with children regardless of how his ex-girlfriend feels about you. You are his wife afterall and you should be his number one priority in life along with the children.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 January 2013):
 hi
Yes, the children have lost their Grandad, he only needs to go to the service and burial though. I think that shows support for his kids and respect for her Dad.
I don't think he will need to sit with his Ex and as there will probably be alot of family,no time for anything untoward.It's down to him to have the right approach to her.
If however he didn't like or get on with her Dad then he doesn't really need to, unless his children ask him.That would be hypocritical.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 I think he should, the deceased was still his children's grandfather .Regardless of how the children's mother behaved .
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male
reader, pschitzo n not +, writes (21 January 2013):
The whole house should go to show yer house knows how to contribute in a time of needing help plus the kids can play n not pay attention to the tears if hese considering going if he says no just me n the kids or just himself then well not a good sighn
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