A
female
age
30-35,
*Charliix
writes:I've been searching google and stuff, about the laws and reasons of teacher's not being able to date students. I was just wondering what people's views on the law was....Because, I understand that teacher's are in high authority position and in a position of professional trust, blah blah blah. Yet are they not just like ordinary people. They are as normal as a person working in a shop, or a bank, or a... i don't know. art gallery! They only doing a job... There isn't a law stopping two people working in a shop having a relationship is there?So why should they not be allowed to fall in love with who they want to. What if you fell in love with your maths teacher (for example) and your love was so strong, and passionate, and you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together? But.. the law was stopping you. There honestly cannot be a law against love...I just wanted to know what other people's opinions were on the subject.Personally, I feel that the law should be dropped... You can't help who you are attracted to, or who you fall in love with..Comment on your viewsCheersxCharliix
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): There is a drama teacher at my school and she has been having a relationship with a boy from a different school since he was 15. (her son also goes to the school!!) Anyway, she teaches my sister who the boy likes and has told the teacher he likes her and since then she has been really mean to my sister and making my 17 yr old sister cry! So i think that Teachers should NOT be allowed to have a relationship with students as they can start acting like an immature child!
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male
reader, RockMan92  +, writes (9 April 2010):
I met the greatest woman at a wedding a couple weeks ago. We started talking and i learned that she is 26 and is going to be a teacher in the fall. She started falling for me but unfortuneatly she said we couldnt date til i turned 18 which is in a couple months and during my senior year. But along with the 9 year age difference, the law also restricts our relationship from happening. This woman is not in my school district so my grades will still stay great. She is a single mother so she cant be a sexual deviant. I believe she is the most down to earth woman and i have true feelings for her. Ive been thru way more than any teenager and im way more mature than any normal teenager so i dont have the little schoolboy crush on her. Im saying that this law shuld pertain to the students that do NOT want that kind of relationship with a teacher. Its their choice in who they love
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reader, mysterious_blonde_lady +, writes (21 May 2009):
The law isn't there necessarily to maintain professional conduct, (although this is part of it) or to condemn relationships. Love is one thing, unfortunately if only life were that simple. The law is there to protect children. It can seem unfair when you think of 24-5 year old men or women who fall for 17-18 year olds who are essentially not that different in maturity than themselves. However, not everyone's motives are innocent infact many teachers who seek relationships with students are doing it for self-serving reasons. Any adult who is in love with someone vulnerable and is above them in authority will understand the implications it might have that persons life as well as their own and will not enter into a relationship. Also, if two people love eachother then surely they can wait the few years until they are not a student?
The law is there to protect - no adult man or woman falls in love with a 13-15 year old child, they become fascinated, obsessed or they are a sexual deviant. The law stops teachers from taking advantage of students and tries to eliminate such things as 'sex for grades' arrangements. If you look at the countries where teacher/student relations arent properly condemned you will be able to understand the possible implications of allowing relations. There will always be people who take advantage; e.g. in primary schools hugging a child who is crying seems reasonable but if you consider that potentially that teacher is a paedophile then you understand my meaning? Sometimes the rules do go too far, but they are only in place to protect not to opress. People fought long and hard, and went through all kinds of traumas to ensure these rules were put in place, they are there for a reason!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): i totally agree with you..you cant help who you fall in love with..i feel the same way..i dont think the law should be dropped though cause it does protect those student who dont want any kind of relationship with a teacher but if you and the teacher both agree to the relationship then i dont think the law should come into affect..the law should only come into affet if you want the relationship and you are old enough to make that decision on your own...
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reader, Justme... +, writes (26 April 2009):
 I can understand why the law is there. but in some cases, what if the student and teacher do love each other, they act as equals and they teuly cant imagine life without each other. the male teacher is not trying to perv on the student. he wants to live by her side and love her forever. and what if the student wants that too.
but i guess if they did love each other then they should wait untill the student is over 18. or the teacher should leave his job and loom for a differnt job in which he can still be with the student.
its so difficult. iv been there - on the student sied of it and its so painful and stupid.
but i now know why the law is there, it needs to protect the children. the ones who are so vunerabole and still dont know what tyey want or need from life.
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Yeah but the teacher doesn't love you, stop dreaming
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reader, xCharliix +, writes (22 February 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the question exactly.. or the law shouldn't be so harsh, it should be there i think- because it would be manic.. but not so in forced.. it should only be in forced if the circumstances are appropriate for the law; for example if the teacher or student unwillingly had a relationship with the other one. Yet, if the teacher and student do genuinely love each other.. no punishment should be taken :)
That's mi opinions anywayz
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): I am totally for it that is how i felt when I fancied a teacher that it was no different from liking someone workinng in a bank. the law should be dropped as love can not be avioded. sorry for the spelling
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reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 I hope the other responders do not confuse this topic. I am a college professor and I am not romantically involved in anyway with the students under my care.
Let me clarify this case,
This case is about a student who is falling in love with her teacher. Not the other way around.
If the case is about a teacher who is falling in love with a student. Then, "Houston, I think we got a problem."
Men and women of stature have been long admired, not only in your country but all over the world. This admiration is infantuation and sometimes falling in love with these reputable people. How many Americans fell in love with Barak Obama? How many Britons fell in love with Prince Charles? How many students fell in love with their teachers?
To the students who are felling love with their teachers, my advice and suggestions are the following:
1. Finish school and study hard
2. Do not in any manner romantically involve yourself with your mentor/s while you are a student where he works
3. After graduation and finished your schooling, you are free
4. Since you no longer belong to the educational institution where your teacher works, you are free to romantically involve yourself with him/her
5. The teacher then is free because of your alumnus status
In all aspects the five points mentioned above should be the decorum of both the student and the teacher.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): A teacher, much like a Doctor, agrees to take on the reponsibility of taking care of his/her students before becoming a teacher.
So while, yes, they are certainly only human, they know the rules and codes to which they have pledged themselves and one of this is to not become involved sexually with a student, no matter the temptation (and all teachers must face such temptations at least once in their careers or their just lucky).
Imagine if a Doctor betrayed the Hippocratic Oath (the one rule they swear by when becoming a Doctor that says they can do no harm to another being). Its the same thing.
While there is nothing wrong with falling in love with a teacher, or vice versa, there is a reason that such things are to remain inside of the people concerned.
THE GREATER GOOD.
A lot of the time such teachers are using the students for sex, not all of the time, but the majority. So the law exists for protective puposes. For the greater good.
Its not a law against love. Its a law againt the abuse of authority. A law against the abuse of people who cannot make their own decisions legally just yet, and therefore cannot legally agree to a sexual union whether they want to or not (most countries have this age as 16, the age of consent... in other words the age by which the law deems you old enough understand the ramifications and risks of sex and therefore old enough legally make the choice to have sex on your own).
Flynn 24
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reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (3 January 2009):
Exactly the point. My advice are:
1. For xCharliix to finish her studies and school
2. During the process, she must have any relationship with the teacher but as a student
3. After her studies and school, she is free as a bird to do whatever she likes
The mentor-student relationship must not be broken. What she is feeling is a normal admiration for now. When the student finished school, the mentor-student relationship ends and possibilities are open.
Misquoting another for the purposes of twisting ideas, now that is perversion.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 January 2009):
 *****Love has no boundaries. Age does not matter. If age does matter - well, Tom Cruise did it, Nicolas Cage did it, David Letterman did it, Harrison Ford did it - and I beg to disagree that these fine gentlemen are a bunch of pervs.********
The men mentioned here were not in a teacher/student situation when starting to date a younger woman. so in that sense it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the question asked or the situations mentioned.
I have no problem when adults date/marry what ever with a HUGE age gap, they are both adults.
It's the whole idea of a Lolita fantasy - teacher/student thing that is just so wrong. If a GROWN ass man wants that fantasy, he should find a GROWN ass woman to do it with - not a child/teen.
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reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (2 January 2009):
Love has no boundaries. Age does not matter. If age does matter - well, Tom Cruise did it, Nicolas Cage did it, David Letterman did it, Harrison Ford did it - and I beg to disagree that these fine gentlemen are a bunch of pervs.
Society however have established norms and ethics, though. This is where we live in. It is best to have these students finish their school and off the teacher's care. Then let see how it work out then.
Further, when they leave school be damn sure that they are classified as adults.
xCharliix you are 13-15, you are not an adult. What you are experiencing right now is admiration. I get lots of that from my students. Age in maturity let us say 21, then if that infantuation lingers on - its up to you.
Oh my, it reminded me of an old nostalgic song - "Too Young"
They try to tell us we're too young
Too young to really be in love
They say that love's a word
A word we've only heard
But can't begin to know the meaning of
And yet we're not too young to know
This love will last though years may go
And then some day they may recall
We were not too young at all
And yet we're not too young to know
This love will last though years may go
And then some day they may recall
We were not too young at all
Oh I am the male reader, anonymous who wrote a few hours ago. I am the Accountancy professor. =)
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reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (2 January 2009):
 Well the first point is that in most respects Teachers are adults and their pupils are children e.g. under age.
Pupils falling in love with a teacher and wanting to confess to the whole wide world isnt new news. Its just that 99% of the time the teacher does not feel the same way. Also, a teacher that is interested in a pupil is purely a lust thing even if they say "I love you". The "I love you" is used far to often as it is the easiest way to a young girls heart. Young people do not have the emotional integrity to stand up to an adult on their level and would just crumble into their hands.
Then there is the whole problem that if it were okay teachers would be sleeping with loads of pupils. It would also influence grades etc and start special treatment.
The law preventing teachers from getting involved with pupils encompasses anyone in a position of trust over those classed as vulnerable. It is there to protect more than just pupils.
Also the repercussions for a teacher being caught are huge. It in effect brings their life to a near end, sex offenders register, black marked and unable to work with children ever again or people in a vulnerable position & Prison time.
In the end Men & Women are different from Boys & Girls. Men date women, boys date girls and thats the way it is and always will be.
They say love conquers all, but im afraid that it will never conquer this. And I believe rightly so.
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reader, xCharliix +, writes (2 January 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOKay just to say! .. i'm not a teacher.. i'm a teenager..
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2009):
No I don't think a teacher should be allowed to date his students or her students.
A grown ass man (or woman) wanting to date a 13-16 year old is just not looking for love, he is looking to fulfill some perverted fantasy.
He might claim love, but that is just an easy way to lure a teenager in. Them having no real experience with actual love or real relationships it really isn't too hard for a grown up to convince them that it sure is "TRUE LOVE".
It's borderline child abuse - even if the teen is willing.
Now if we talk college with 17+ people, I still think a teacher dating students is a no-no. If it really is TRUE LOVE and not just lust, it will still be there when she graduates. Once the student has graduated I have no problem with them dating. But WHILE he is in the position as her teacher it's a no-no
Also a grown up in his or her 30's have nothing in common with a teen. Not really
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reader, Abrasive_Reality +, writes (2 January 2009):
It is unfortunate for there to be certain rules and regulations against whom you can love, however, it is known that one may not chose to control their feelings; they just happen.
It is not just school teachers that cannot date their students, in many businesses you are not able to date your superior, ie. a sales associate cannot date a general manager, same goes for the military, you are not supposed to date someone above your rank.
Think of it this way, if one were to date a teacher, what would the rest of his/her students be feeling. There is the idea of favoritism, which is not a fair thing for students.
Also, more than likely as a middle/high school teacher you are much older than they are and its probably against the law to date someone so young. One does not graduate high school until they are 18, which means as a teacher you are older than 18 and in most states the statutory law applies, so its probably just the schools way of making sure a teacher is not going to even consider dating a student, looking out for their best interest.
Besides, if two people were truly passionately in love then time should not matter and respect would be the most upfront concept between the two. Each should and would not have a problem waiting until it was okay for them to be together, and if you were THAT passionately in love for them, the love should not disappear.
Patience is a virtue, and love is not something to be rushed.
Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I am an accountancy professor too. I handle 2nd year to 4th year college students. I am 44 years of age, male, single and often I have observed my students ages 20-18 years young, having some "crushes" on me. They are attractive to say the least.
I have the same problems like you do but I take into consideration the mantle of responsibility of being a mentor than being a human. Even though I feel trapped with my own "stupid" feelings - self control and rationality must prevail over and above these feelings.
To make matters worst, I also have an unusual liking with my second cousin who is 39, single who has a hysterectomy many years back. We go out, have fun and sleep over at her place. But all of these are platonic. Even she is a beautiful woman, we are related and that I cannot express my deepest affection for her. There are morals and norms to be obeyed. Without these, I believe, nothing will separate us from the beast and from being a person.
Its the consequences that I fear than any law of the land.
My suggestion to your problem would be - wait for your student/s to finish school and when they are not part of the educational institution which you and they belong. All of you will be free as a bird.
For now, we are supposed to be role models and angels, like role models, fear thread these lines.
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reader, shexxlovesxxhim6 +, writes (2 January 2009):
I don't have really anything against it, but the grading system might change for that particular class, for that particular student because of that particular teacher. And that can affect the student's future.
I feel that two people should be together no matter what, but only as long as they understand the severity of their situation.
I heard about two college teachers who were threatening two students, that if they didn't agree to sexual intimacy with the instructors, then their grades would suffer. When the public found out, I think the teachers committed suicide or something.
There of course are also cases where teacher and student really do feel that they belong together, and they are equal in so many ways.
And then there are most cases where teachers are taking advantage of students, and even students are taking advantage of teachers. Because often the first is the popular, teachers dating students is mostly frowned upon like it should be.
You probably think I'm contradicting myself, but what I'm saying is, real love can wait, and that if a teacher and student really enjoy each other's company so much, then they can wait those extra couple or few years.
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reader, xCharliix +, writes (2 January 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it's happened before.. loads of times
students are now married with their old teachers...
age is irrelevant (unless the teacher is like 80- and that's just gross) but, love is love...
and I'm not a love struck teenager.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Only a love struck young teenager can think that. When your older, you will see school kids walking on streets and then your realize why kids need to be protected. You just will not understand why a grown adult would want a relationship with a 12-16 year old.
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