A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My co-worker and I have known each other for a couple of years and been flirting since. He has a long term girlfriend but I didn't know this till a year later cause he never mentions her, so a long time after I developed strong feelings for him. He is always hot and cold with me and even avoids me from time to time so I wondered if he really liked me or it was just a game. We do have a lot in common and get along great. He always respects me and compliments about how smart I am, is never sleazy but he has asked me personal questions about my love life, why I am single cause I am such a great girl. Then one night recently we got really drunk and ended up in bed together. At first it was just foreplay but he wouldn't let me do much to him or go all the way which I thought was strange but then I guess it was guilt. Then after we woke up things heated up again, he lost control and we had sex. We spent the rest of the morning cuddling and since then he has warmed up to me even more. When we see each other in the office he is very happy and we smile like crazy at each other a lot.I feel really bad for what we did and there have times before it happened where we have gotten close but we have stopped it. I realise there are so many boundaries we crossed here which I suppose is the reason why we haven't talked about it yet. The fact we have both been fighting this for so long makes me think that there are a lot feelings from both sides. I want to talk him but I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I asked him after we slept together if he was ok and he said he was as long as I am too. I left it as I didn't want to put pressure on him. I am not sure if him not wanting to talk is cause it was just a one night thing for him or he is trying to get things straight in his head. If anyone can give me some advice, if they have been in a similar experience as to how I could handle this or what he could be thinking would be great. And please spare all the negative comments as I already feel bad enough as it is.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): Hi
Just came across your post and had to put in my 2 cents...
On reading your story, my immediate feeling is that this guy probably likes you...but only in the sexual way.
He's a player and in a relationship...if he betrayed his girlfriend who is to say he won't do the same to you?
Stop the smiling, stop the office flirting and stay well away from him.
The more emotionally involved you become by building an idea in your head of how this guy really is, the more it will cloud your thoughts and prevent you from seeing things as they really are...
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): He doesn't want you.He is still with his girlfriendHe didnt talk to you about the situationIt was just sexThe best advice I ever got was from someone who told me when a man really wants to be with you, as in you as an equal partner, he will make damn sure you know he wants you. No smirks, or looks or giggling. He will come and get you.But this guy, still with his gf, not talking to you about this, justgrinning like a schoolboy. Wake up and smell the coffee. You're on your way to either "one night stand" or if he fancies another go "bit on the side" territory. Hardly worth anything.Just forget about it, stop sitting there waiting and pining for him, write it off as a mistake and find a guy who wants you and you only! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): No judgement here... we're all human and everyone messes up sometimes :)
I'm guessing he feels pretty awkward about it too, especially considering you two work together. So every day you see each other is a reminder to him of the line you two crossed. If he's any kind of a decent guy he is probably dealing with a lot of guilt over having done something like this while in a committed relationship with another woman.
That said, I would not count on this having been anything more to him than a one-time mistake. I say "mistake" not because you're not pretty or not deserving or not a good person--I'm sure you are--but simply because he promised loyalty to another woman first and he did not keep that promise. Unless he initiates a conversation about wanting to break things off with his GF and make them official with you, you really should not chase this guy or throw yourself at him, because someone who gets comfortable cheating is probably not someone you want to be with in the long run. If the connection you have is worth it to him, he will take the necessary steps to be with you properly. Best wishes :)
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