A
female
age
36-40,
*eb1018
writes:I have so much to say to my ex... nothing bad. He was a gentleman til the very end and I wanted to thank him and tell him how sorry I am for not putting my all into the relationship. It will be a kind letter and let him know that maybe our paths will cross again one day and we can come to be friends again. I really think this is a good idea. But my friend thinks i am better off keeping my feelings to myself. But I think i really need to say this... any thoughts??
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (12 August 2012):
 If it helps you have closure, what's the harm? Just don't expect him to fall back in love with you or you'll be sorely disappointed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): I happen to believe in apologies, I just think you have to be very clear and aware of what you're apologizing for.
If you two fell out for not simply not being compatible or even if he decided he didn't feel strongly, there's nothing to apologize for. If you did something hurtful to him like cheat, then I do think an apology is due.
I don't know your history, but from the few brief things you've said, it sounds like you're coming off like a bit of a martyr.
Firstly, there is no need to thank an ex. No one who attempts to love another person truly wants gratitude...they want reciprocated feelings and intimacy. In that context, gratitude can be insulting or tacky.
Apologizing for not "putting your all in" to the relationship also sounds incredibly vague. No one wants to be treated like a competitive sport.
Also, if you do apologize have the tact not to ask for anything in return...don't even dance around it with suggestions. I would definitely leave this part out: "maybe our paths will cross again one day and we can come to be friends again"
Lastly, if you do indeed have something to apologize for, call him up or talk to him personally, don't write a letter.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Just "stay" broken up and don't bother revealing this part of you to him....
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (11 August 2012):
Your friend has given you good advice. Whilst you might want to let him know about your own regrets, what about him? It might make you feel better, but if he is trying to move on with his life it might have exactly the opposite effect on him. Don’t keep your feelings to yourself, talk to friends and family in your life who can support you, but sending the letter is probably not a good idea. Leaving him alone to move on is the kinder thing to do, even if it’s the harder thing for you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 I don't think its a good idea to contact ex'es. What's done is done, you broke up and that was the end of the relationship. Don't dig into the past and don't make things any more difficult for him by getting into the break-up. You respect him and think highly of him but that didn't keep you from breaking up with him, did it? You can consider being friends if and when your paths cross in the future and if he thinks he wants to be friends but till then don't rake up the past and leave him alone. Trying to be nice to him and apologizing wont help in any way, ultimately you did break up with him and no matter what you say, its going to hurt him. Let it be.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Do whatever feels right. In my experience leaving loose ends only allows your mind to become clouded and your emotions to get the best of you. Your friends do have a point, but from what I can tell zi see no harm in it. Just make it polite, short, sweet and to the point.
Best of luck!
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