| A
female
,
*amelionchic
writes: Ok, I am a 22 year old single mother of a beautiful 19 month old girl. I am currently with a man who is 10 years older than me, emotionally incompetent and verbally and emotionally abusive. He used to drink alot and spend 98% of his time playing "Call of Duty" on his PC. We lived together for a year until one night when he was drunk I tried to leave and he pulled my hair while I was holding my daughter and she and I fell to the floor. Of course I left and I filed a report but nothing came of it. I didn't get a restraining order and he has managed to weasel his way back into our lives. Now he doesn't have a job and acts the way he did before although he CLAIMS he has changed and is seeking professional help. He is not my daughter's biological father, but has been there since I was pregnant. My question is, what should I do? I don't want to put us in danger, but I feel like I should try to make things work to have a family. And he does seem like he's trying. Or am I just making excuses? Please HELP!
View related questions:
drunk, emotionally abusive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Your big sis +, writes (22 January 2006):
 Oh sweetie, you are in danger just being with him now. I was a single mother too and had my own ups and downs when I was in relationships. He didn't "weasel" his way back into your lives, YOU allowed him to come back. Don't let him use that tired-ass line of "I was there when you didn't have anybody and supported another man's child." You know this is the crutch you've allowed yourself to lean on. I say this with love and respect for you as a single mother as I once was: You already know what he is and stands for. You are intelligent to see him for what he is. Now is the time to do something about it for your sake...for your daughter's sake. It is said that children imitate their parent(s). Is this the example of "family" you want to instill in your daughter? When it's her turn to find a man, will she seek one like yours? Will she seek out her current "father-figure?" To answer your question, Yes, you are making excuses. He is the exact opposite of everything you desire to make a stable happy home for your daughter. Let this one go baby. This life is too short to waste it on time with this bum. Love yourself, your daughter loves you...isn't your baby girl worth the option of a better life without this guy? Best of Luck to you.
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (22 January 2006):
 Honey, you are NEVER & I repeat, Never!!! going to have a family life with this kind of guy... so don't even go there! aint gonna happen, run like hell ... now, before your daughter realises what is going on around her... in 20 years from now, you will look back and be so grateful you did!
I am speaking from experience on this one... Make the right decision, your child will thank you later.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel +, writes (22 January 2006):
Honey, you are NEVER & I repeat, Never!!! going to have a family life with this kind of guy... so don't even go there! aint gonna happen, run like hell ... now, before your daughter realises what is going on around her... in 20 years from now, you will look back and be so grateful you did!
I am speaking from experience on this one... Make the right decision, your child will thank you later.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel +, writes (22 January 2006):
Honey, you are NEVER & I repeat, Never!!! going to have a family life with this kind of guy... so don't even go there! aint gonna happen, run like hell ... now, before your daughter realises what is going on around her... in 20 years from now, you will look back and be so grateful you did!
I am speaking from experience on this one... Make the right decision, your child will thank you later.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel +, writes (22 January 2006):
Honey, you are NEVER & I repeat, Never!!! going to have a family life with this kind of guy... so don't even go there! aint gonna happen, run like hell ... now, before your daughter realises what is going on around her... in 20 years from now, you will look back and be so grateful you did!
I am speaking from experience on this one... Make the right decision, your child will thank you later.
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel +, writes (22 January 2006):
Honey, you are NEVER & I repeat, Never!!! going to have a family life with this kind of guy... so don't even go there! aint gonna happen, run like hell ... now, before your daughter realises what is going on around her... in 20 years from now, you will look back and be so grateful you did!
I am speaking from experience on this one... Make the right decision, your child will thank you later.
...............................
A
female
reader, sophie +, writes (13 January 2006):
i stayed with my x for the kids 22years he never changed my daughter now 23 has no hair on her head because of all the stress she went through seeing her dad hit me and my children my son who is 20 will not talk to me i am a bad mum my youngest 20 will not settle down he is a jack the lad seeing has many girls he can and not bothering who he hurts in the process no do not stay with him because of your children give your children chance to grow up in the normal world not his violent world they are your children which you cannot replace but he can be replaced with someone who respects you and gives you what you deserve love not voilence
...............................
A
female
reader, Celeste  +, writes (12 January 2006):
 For the sake of your daughter, don't go back to this man. You can do it by yourself, there is a lot of support out there for single mothers. If you stay with him, your daughter will be negatively affected by it. My father was everything that you described.. I grew up in a very unhappy home, where I was emotionally abused from a very young age. DON'T let that happen to your daughter.
Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, msxcarlett +, writes (10 January 2006):
N-O!
I dont understand why you would even contemplate the idea of it. The words you chose to desbribe him,should have given you your answer before you even pressed "send"!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Goodness gracious, dear-there is no issue here. You would be nuts to put your daughter at risk and force her to remain with you in this horridly dysfunctional environment, with this man. What are you thinking? This man has a chaotic life, he's verbally and emotionally abusive, he has no job-so much crap all swirling about him and you want to put your daughter through that?? He has too much on his plate as is. You are having an realistic, painful preview of your future with this man which is: absolute heartache, hurt and chaos. Discern good and healthy relationships and get into counseling..you need to find out why you permit people to treat you so poorly. It's just not your well-being at stake, but that of your little daughter's as well. You need to protect her, keep her safe and guide her through life. Get strong and do that! Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (10 January 2006):
 I dont care if this guy is Brad pitt! This man is low life,he has no respect for you or your daughter.Do you want her to be brought up with a man who is violent,who hits you and gets drunk when the slightest pressure comes up? Do yourself a favour and run as fast as your legs can carry you.The fact that he is her biological father does not give him the right to bully you or ruin your little girls life,there is plenty of decent men out there that would treat you with the repect that you deserve.If you go back to him,you will regret it for the rest of your life.He wont change,he is just saying that to get you back then he will be back to his old ways again,put your daughter 1st and walk away.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): The only thing you need to worry about is your daughter and if you do a good job you are the only family she will ever need!Your one and only priority is to protect your daughter to bring her up in a home where she is safe and secure and she has positive role models.Your little girl is like a sponge absorbing all of the negative energies in your home you need to get rid of this man. You will have a little girl who is happy and healthy and in time you will meet a man who will accept you as a package deal, a really good man who will treat you with love and respect and not emotionally and physically abuse you.I think you need to move on you both deserve better than this man can ever offer you, GOOD LUCK you truly deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Everyone that loves someone and wants a family will try to make things work with the person they love but, if that person is one who is abusive etc.. You need to be away from him until he has had alot of help and has proven himself over and over again I know it's hard but would you want your daughter getting in a relationship with a guy who treats her that way? Cause the more she see's the worst it will be for her growing up Not Cool! You are making excuses cause you do want it to work but your still young there are lots of guys out there that won't do that and will be good to your daughter my ex was the same way and I got pregnant at 18 but, I'm with someone now you even when he gets mad wont call me names Yah know there out there you just need to think you deserve better than that and your daughter is young enuff she won't remember now is the best time to get out. This guy needs to grow up and if you stay with him I wouldn't put up with the drinking put you and your daughter first Hang in there believe me you guys are better off on your own!
...............................
|
