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male
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anonymous
writes: hi im a 19 yrs old well experienced indian guy with a typical indian family (you want me to marry a indian girl) but for the past three years i have been with the most wonderful woman ive ever met and shes black. we've both decided its time for us to move out together and start a new chapter but i dont no how to tell my family without losing them forever. i only say this as another member of family married a black guy and everyone she ever knew and grew up with disowned her and was never spoken to again please could help in anyway i extremely desperate for help. i have now become depressed and cant seem to sleep eat or even talk HELP ME PLEASE.
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male
reader, malaysianfeet +, writes (24 January 2006):
How experienced is a 19 yr old young man? Sorry having to be blunt here. I am an Indian myslf. Broad minded. No disrespect meant here. Just go along as friends for a little time more. You'll be surprised. You'll save everyone including her and yourself a big headache for having listened to this reply. Trust me on this one. Its a hormonal phase. Why should you take my word for it? Ask this question to an experienced relative - someone of my age of about 48. If not satisfied, then ask a few more. Sorry to hurt you. But I got to tell the truth. I care. I dont want your emotions to get the better of you and bring out the worse in you.Prem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): This is just my opinion, so take what you want from it. I think that you need to evaluate how much you are willing to lose over this relationship. Is the alienation of your family and parents worth this relationship? Many families and communities are less than thrilled when their children marry outside their race. You knew this very fact-when you undertook this relationship, in the first place, as to how your parents might feel about mixed raced unions. It may not be right in many of our minds, but this is a big reality in your family's traditional customs. Customs you have been raised with and are painfully aware of. You just have to weigh all the pros and cons of your relationship with this woman and the consequences of what could happen. Is it worth it? For some people it is worth it, for others it is not. It's a choice.
I am not trying to dissuade you from continuing your relationship with this young woman and I am not trying to be disrespectful to you. I am just trying to open this subject further...just give you some things to ponder over. I am reality-based and I have to say, love does not conquer all, dear..marriage and relationships are darn hard work. They don't always last..the divorce rates attest to that. While love is a good beginning, but in the end, commitment, values, family connections and friendships are what makes marriages work over the long haul. When marriage and children come into the picture, we need the love and support from our families. Your children will need grandparents, aunts, uncles and the love of extended family. Family is important. You will want the sense of place and belonging that your own family will provide to your own kids, someday. Because of your family's customs and rigid opinions on marriage outside their religion and race, you could be feeling a bit distant from your family. This is normal for young adults, but over time with maturity and more life experience, you will want to reconnect. I think you need to be honest with your family, but I think you also need to truthfully and honestly look at the world you are jumping into and the world you could be leaving behind. I am sorry you are going through this tough dilemma..a heartbreaking choice. Think long, and hard on this, before arriving at a decision. Good luck dear and take care
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A
female
reader, lu lu +, writes (10 January 2006):
hello, you are your own person and if your family love and care for you that much they would accept whoever you want to be with, you really love this woman very much and nothing should break that up, if you carnt face them write them a letter explaning that you have met someone and you love her very much and nothing they can do will break that up, they should come round in time, take care
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