A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there Aunts and Uncles. This is is something that has been playing on my mind for a long time. I'm remaining anonymous due to the topic.I was molested by my cousin as a child. The earliest incident I remember was when I was 4. My cousin was 25. It continued until I was about 10-11. I was so scared of him throughout my childhood, and my mother never saw that. I tried to tell her a few times but I couldn't. I didn't realise what had actually happened to me until I was about 14, which was when I decided to forgive him and move on. One of the best things I had ever done, it felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders.When I was about 7, my cousin started dating this woman and she had a son who was the same age as me. His name was Jay*. We quickly became best friends. I was a tomboy at that age. It was cool for a while, then my cousin and his girlfriend broke up, so she took Jay and moved to a different city and I never saw him again.In the beginning of 2009, I found out from my own mother that my cousin was being put on trial. "what for?" I asked. "Do you remember Jay? His mother is taking your cousin to court because Jay is claiming he molested him while they were still together." Yeah.. you can imagine how I was feeling. It just brought back everything that I had put behind me. No one believes Jay. My family thinks that his mother just wants money, but my cousin has nothing to his name. The court case was adjourned many times, and just the other week was dismissed due to lack of evidence. Throughout the whole of last year I was tossing up on whether I should tell my mother that my cousin is in fact guilty and Jay is not making it up, because he did it to me too. I could have testified.It would tear my family apart if I told. But my cousin is getting away scott-free. I don't know what to do. I want justice but I don't want to ruin another persons life. Should I tell my mother and risk my whole family finding out what happened? Or do I put it behind me and let it go?
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best friend, broke up, cousin, money, move on Reply to this Question
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I quite agree with the suggestion that you contact a rape crisis counsellor. As to what, if anything, you do beyond that, well that should depend solely upon what's best for YOU.
It would be a good idea for your family to understand that there's a serious viper in the nest. It's awful that you don't think you would be believed, but speaking to your mother would help to keep other young cousins safe.
But as to going to the police? Since the complaint Jay brought has been dismissed, that ship has sailed. Your registering another complaint would likely have the same outcome as Jay's. So there's no point in putting yourself through the anguish.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): You have to speak the truth. Im not trying to make you feel badly but if you dont speak up another child or children will be abused. This man wont be able to stop himself. Its an illness and hes been getting away with it for a long time.
I feel very sorry for Jay. It couldnt have been easy for him to speak up but he did. And got nowhere because people wouldnt believe him. Dont you think this has already ruined his life? Your family might be upset when you speak out but thats nothing compared to keeping quiet and allowing more childrens lives to be ruined.
I know someone who didnt want to speak out against his stepfather, who abused him when he was small. The stepfather went on to abuse 2 other members of my friends family.
Sometimes its easy to sit back and say nothing but remember he might even now being doing the same sort of thing to a little girl, as you were once. A little girl whos too frightened to speak up. You are an adult now. We protect children. So please do your duty and put an end to this monsters actions by speaking out. Please x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): You stand strong, speak out and expose the truth
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 You may have forgiven, but you'll never be able to rest and feel peaceful if you don't speak up. Molesting you, that's bad enough, molesting others who are then called liars and disbelieved. The guilt of not speaking will ruin your life, and you will forever wonder who your cousin is abusing now. If you don't tell, what will you do when he moves on to abusing other young children around you. How will you explain to your family why you don't think he should have any contact with your kids when you have them.
Speak up, the truth shall let your soul fly free, guilt will remain forever and destroy what you think about yourself. Help get this monster locked up so other children can walk safe.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Sweetheart, please listen closely to what Angzw has said, very wise advice.
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A
female
reader, Weramazing +, writes (10 March 2010):
 You need to tell your mum and speak to your cousin. He could do this to other children if you do not speak against him next time he could even
kill. If that happened you would regret not having spoken out. Your family will get over it but you will not if you don't speak out.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 March 2010):
Darling, do the right thing and come clean with this. It will be a long journey but it will be worth it in the end. YOU have the power of your testimony right now to see to it that this guy goes to jail and gets punished for what he did in this life and the next. You can't let a child molester go free to go on and rape another innocent child because you are waiting for God to deal with him. Imagine how Jay is feeling right now, how tormented he was for years then finally getting the courage to step forward only for his case to be thrown out. It is like being raped all over again. Your abuser put this fear in you that you can never tell. You keeping quiet is giving him all this power over you to keep destroying your life, Jay and others. I'd advise you to contact the Rape Crisis centre near you and explain to them what the situation is. They will also help you break it to your family with a counselor who will be with you during your reveal then they too will receive counseling on how to deal with the news. Once its done and with Jay's testimony backing up your story, your family will support you 100%. Imagine this man having access to another 4 year old little frightened girl because you don't have the courage to step forward? Right now he feels empowered by the lack of prosecution; he is feeling like a god right now. There is no shame in what you suffered. You survived it. The shame is on his despicable behaviour but it will remain with you if you choose to remain silent. All the best with your decision.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I think since you have already forgiven him and got over his abuse, it would not do you any good to relive all those horrid moments of your life.
Those defense lawyers would gruel you mercilessly and cast aspersions on your character.
You would get plenty of unwanted negative publicity and spotlight and it may affect your future .
If you go to your mother , she may not believe you or she may not do anything about it.
Going to the police would be like a rerun of Jay's case because you do not have any hard evidence or witness who can collaborate your abuse. The police will file them until someone reports him with strong evidence.
Let God metes out his punishment. He will not escape from God's punishment.
You can also believe in Karma. He who sows , so shall he reap.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 March 2010):
I'm afraid for the greater good, you need to tell someone this happened. You will feel even worse if you know he gets off and then moves on to another child. Which we all know he will do. I would suggest telling someone that it happened, and also speaking to a counsellor about it so you can move on. It may be worth bypassing your mother for the moment and going to the police directly and seeing what they will say. I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (10 March 2010):
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's a big decision to make and only you can't make it, but justice should be made and that sick bastard should go to jail. He ruined your life and Jays life and who knows how many other kids he touched. People like that need to be locked away and never let out. Your family cannot hate you for what you were put through, I think you should tell you mother what happened, it won't be easy but you can't go through life keeping this secret and not dealing with it. You need to get professional help because you may have chosen to forget what happened but honey later on in life it may become a real problem for you. You are a very strong person n he took away your childhood... Tell your mum, do this for the childhood he stole from you and from jay.
Good luck xx
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