A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I have been going out with a guy for over 2 years now. We both went to the same college, in fact we met here. I have less than 1 one year left but he graduated this past August. It has been 7 months and he hasn't gotten a job yet. At first he refused to take just any old job, he wanted to use his degree. He had been living with me (in my dorm) until a few weeks ago. He decided to move home to focus on his health. He has been sick: he can't keep a normal sleep/ waking cycle and is tired all the time. He has gone to many doctors (therapist, allergy doctor, sleep doctor) but nothing helps. In the past he has struggled with mental health issues but he and his doctor are sure it's not depression. All he does is sleep most of the day and play video games; he won't even look at grad schools online! He only just applied for some jobs a week after he moved out. I am very frustrated. At one point I was giving him gas money for him to come visit me at school and paying for groceries, and if we went out to eat I'd pay, etc.Am I being selfish if he is not feeling well? He says he feels pathetic and miserable but I don't see him making much of an effort. He loves me terribily and I do him but the health excuses are getting old.
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female
reader, Jade87  +, writes (10 March 2010):
Hi in my opinion he needs to stop using his health as a escuse. Sure it hard to find work, i have been in same situation but just sleepin and siting playing games isnt gonna help. You need to be hard on him and tell him he needs to get work even if for time being it part-time work.If you dont he will never find work and years down the line you will still be looking after him.
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (10 March 2010):
 No your not being selfish, he has to want help to get help, you cant fix this for him. Just support and encourage him without nagging.
Do some research yourself into his illness and see what you can find out, it may give you a better understanding.
Theres only so much you can do for him, he has to do the rest.
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