A
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30-35,
*aydating
writes:Ok, So Here I come again for some advice. Ok, So I'm 19 yrs old, a gay guy:I'm going to be attending college this fall. And well, I may be living on campus. But I dont know what to expect from all of this, since this is going to be the 1st time I'm going to be living in a place which is not my home. Ok, so how do I deal with all of this? I'm afraid of having a homophobic as my roommate. I haven't checked the dorms where I'll be going, but hopefully they have a 2 bed dorm because I don't feel very comfortable with a lot of people in the same bed room. Anyway, if I get to live on campus, should I be up front and tell my roommate(s) that I'm gay? Also, I get turned on like pretty easily when I'm around cute guys. I'm planning to start working out, since they have a gym there. But I'm afraid that I will get hard in the gym, or with my roommates, or in the shower. how do I deal with all of this? I would like some input from gay guys who went through this. But if you are straight/bi you are welcome to give me some advice....
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reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (10 June 2011):
 It might be worth checking with the housing office to find out if they have one or more of these 'apartment' areas for gay/bi students. Although that in and of itself presents a whole lot of problems as well.
If it was me, I wouldn't say anything until you get to know your roommates - quite well... and since you have your own room... you can take care of any personal business (e.g. j/o) before you go out into the 'common' area which should save you from any hard-on embarrassment.
Welcome to college. Enjoy. Oh, and you might look into joining the LGBT group on campus too. A good way to meet others.
A
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reader, gaydating +, writes (9 June 2011):
gaydating is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, Thanks for your reply, I just learned that The dorms are like apartments, because you will be having your own room, the only things that will be shared with your roommates, are the bathroom and the kitchen, oh and living room. yeah, I know I need to learn to control my self, well I can but there are sometimes that I just can't. But yeah, I will keep trying to control myself. and yeah, I think I'm worrying too much. I'll just wait til I get into college.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Well I'm not gay or bi, but I hope I can be of some help!
Question 1 - should you tell your roomate(s) that you are gay upfront?
Answer - No. Well not right away, if within the first couple of hours of meeting them you start talking about your sexuality it may seem to them that you are being over the top about it or throwing your sexuality into their faces. They wont tell you they are straight will they? So there is no reason to tell them right away you are gay, you are still a person - there is more to you than being gay, so let them get to know you before you open up about your sexuality.
It would help to get to know them a bit first, you might find they are really nice easy going guys and telling them fairly soon after meeting is fine. Or they might be arrogant, homophobic types in which case it is best for them to get to know you and you to know them a bit better before you let them know.
Critical here though, is DONT let yourself get a crush on your roomate(s). I know it is hard to stop yourself developing feelings for someone, but it would open up a whole can of worms if you did and would make things awkward. So try and show whoever it is you live with that you can just be a normal guy who they can be friends with, without worrying that you are attracted to them.
And if worst comes to worst and you end up in a room with homophobic guys who are horrible to you - tell the accomodations manager/officer and explain your situation, there will be options for you to be able to move I'm sure.
As for getting turned on, well you are just going to have to learn to control yourself arent you?! Straight guys dont walk around with hard ons each time they see a pretty girl, so there is no reason for it to be ok for you to walk about with a hard on when you see a cute guy.
What turns you off? What are the worst things you can think of that would turn you off right away? Learn what can turn you off in an instant, so if you ever get in a situation where you feel yourself getting a bit turned on, think of that thing that turns you off, and the hard on should be gone pretty quick!
And if you get turned on in the gym - well you are too busy checking out the guys and not working out hard enough! If you really put all your energy and effort into your work out, you wont have time to get turned on. So make sure you are working hard in the gym and you wont have any time to get hard. If its still a problem, try going jogging on your own, that way you get a work out without lots of guys in little vests and shorts around.
But most of all - try not to worry too much and just wait and see what happens when you get there. It is best to not try and think about what might happen at college because it is a new experience so you simply dont know what will happen, hence there is no point in worrying about it now. Wait until you are there, make a judgement on the situation once you have gotten to know your roomate(s) and use your own intuition to judge when is the right time to tell them. And try and learn a little bit of self control for your other problem, and by the time it comes to college all will be good!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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