A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently connected with an old male school friend on Facebook. I saw no harm in it. Other female classmates have befriended him on Facebook.In addition, I have befriended other male schoolmates on facebook. When I chat with male classmates, we send messages mostly about issues, life situations, laugh about old school days and discuss our children and families (Strictly Platonic, no flirting)Occasionally, we exchange telephone numbers, but nobody ever calls anybody, we just send messages through Facebook. This recent connection with my male classmate was different. At first, he sent messages on Facebook, exchanged numbers, but unlike everyone else, he called. He called twice so far, and we spoke for at least an hour each time. He asked me a lot of personal questions such as am I married or seeing anyone. We live in different states. He himself is in a relationship. He started to become friendly and even stated that if we lived in the same state, he would call and ask to come and visit me. He also talked about his gf, and how she recently moved in with him and it cramps his style. I firmly reminded him that he is in a relationship and his gf would be hurt and offended to know he talks about her with a woman she doesn't know. Also, I requested we just stick to occasional Facebook messages, no more telephone calls. He hasn't broke off contact, but he is not calling me anymore. He is an old school friend, I do not want to offend him. Perhaps, he just needs someone to talk with? He is not a bad person. I believe that by establishing contact boundaries with him this will resolve the situation. Yet, I think there's something more behind all this. Now, he sends me messages almost everyday. Could I be paranoid? I sense there is something more behind this....maybe he's emotionally cheating on his gf? What's this guy up too?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): "He is an old school friend, I do not want to offend him. Perhaps, he just needs someone to talk with? He is not a bad person." That's a load of crap OP you knew from the moment he started asking about your relationship status that he was interested in more from you. He jumped at that chance and you know exactly what he's doing too.
He hasn't yet emotionally cheated on his girlfriend with you but he's not far off it. You know what you're not far from doing the same to your partner. Now you know exactly what this guys is up to, it has been obvious from the start he is far too keen on contacting you, he talks about relationships, he talks about how his girlfriend is just not that cool. Gimme a break OP, you're old enough and wise enough to know his intentions. Is keeping "limited" contact with him okay? It's okay as long as your partner doesn't mind you contacting a guy who is interested in you. It is okay as long your partner doesn't mind you forming a relationship with a guy who is so obviously pursuing you. It's okay as long as your partner doesn't mind that this might develop further because as much you like to think that "limiting" contact will work or is even acceptable in these circumstances it's not and what you're proposing is not stopping his interest but controlling it. OP you're not a teenager, you know through experience that you can't control things like this, that the potential for error is so great that it's best of you just distance yourself completely from it. You see it only takes one moment, one slight slip up and things can get very messy.
I just want to remind you OP that it takes two to tango so if he is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend then you are too by allowing it, you are emotionally cheating your guy too if you let this continue. Because even limited contact is an open door OP and you might wake up one of these thinking "I've gone too far" His intentions are clear so your choice is simple, keep feeding his desires by staying in contact thus being a participant in hurting his partner and also risking your own relationship or you can put a stop to all of this now before things get out of hand.
Don't for one second think that won't happen OP or that you can control this, you know how easy it is for things like this to snowball, don't take that risk and don't be that "other woman" if he's going to hurt his partner then don't be the woman who helped him do that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): I think he is at that stage of betting bored with his life and he probably wants change. Internet is a great place to begin fresh undiscovered parts of life without having to put too much effort. He could be cheating on his girlfriend with you. Or at least, this is the early stages.
If you are worried then stop replying him too often. Make it once in a couple of days and then gradually start to add more days until you two exchange messages once a month.
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