A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy who I met early this year, we get along very well, had brilliant banter and quite a bit in common. He was the one guy who always texted back quickly and in fact everyday! Just seeing how things were and before I went to bed to say goodnight. We never ran out of things to say, he is the one and only guy I know who didn't do the 'two day rule' to a girl after meeting her, or take ages in between texts 'to appear busy'. There was no games! He just text me normally and quickly, it was actually a surprising, but really nice thing. Well we planned to meet up, but I was under pressure with uni work and I wasn't sure if anything was going to happen with the guy I was sort of seeing! So it was very bad timing... Basically before I met him, I met this other guy who I really liked a hell of a lot! We we're already going on dates, so I was oblivious to anything happening with the other guy and more so with this guy. And sure I liked him, but I didn't want to lead him on when I was unsure of everything at the time or what i wanted. That I so stupidly and heartlessly stopped texting him, at the time it seemed like the smart idea. But he texted several times after wondering what happened, he was persistent... but a few days later, the guy I was hopping things would work out with screwed me over and I was angry at guys altogether and just wanted nothing to do with them.So basically I treated a nice guy, who really liked me very badly purely because of another guy treating me badly. It was a selfish and cruel thing to do I know, I didn't realise what I was doing at the time!! It was only till yesterday when I saw his name on my phone it hit me how rude I was. I want to get back in contact with him, because he really was a sweet guy and different to any guy i've met in a long time! I know may not be interested, i don't doubt he'll not want anything to do with me. But I feel I should at least give it a chance and tell him the truth of why I did what I did because who knows, they do say it's never to late.... What do you think, is it a bad idea? Should i just move on and forget about him, I mean what do you think he'll say...
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I agree that no one likes to be the second best or the leftover. And he was nice to you and wanted something with you but you ended it abruptly. That was bad. So I agree that he probably would not like it if you told him why you acted the way you acted.
That said, I think the problem is not so much telling the guy, as doing the right thing. You don't love this second, nice guy. Don't give him hope. Maybe you could pay the price of being thought of as bad (because you were) in exchange for letting him find someone who will not treat him this way?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Hi. You might be on the rebound because the guy you actually prefer is no longer available to you. So you are looking around for someone reliable for contact. But give it some serious thought with this guy because it sounds as if he really liked you. Cutting contact with him again if or when someone else comes into view will be very unkind.
As you have said yourself, your actions were rather selfish and cruel. I dont think lying to him as well is a good idea. I dont know him but surely he deserves better treatment than he has received from you so far? So try being totally honest. Give him the choice of keeping contact with you or not. If he does, thats great and you can start up your friendship again with a clean slate, no lies, no bad treatment. But if he doesnt want to start up a friendship, treat that as a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Well if a guy told me that he had abruptly cut off all contact with me for another girl and now he was just coming back to me because the other girl had screwed him over, I would never entertain him. Nobody wants to be second best or the leftovers. Its humiliating, to say the very least!
You can tell him that you were really busy, its a common lie, but you can just hope that it'll work. If he still likes you, he'll initiate the conversation again. If not, take it as a lesson. Never leave a party where you're having a good time to go to another party where you think you'll have a better time.
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A
female
reader, cathysmith07 +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Well, just wait for him to come back and if he do then is the right time for you to apologize and explain what happened.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I don't think you need to go into why you had cut contact--you could just say it was suddenly a busy time for you, a personally difficult time for you, or you just stopped text services for a while to save money. i think if you explained that your ignoring him was because you were paying more attention to a different guy will just rub salt in the wound and just be more likely insulting than leaving things alone. I think a white lie/omission would be best here.
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