A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for the past several months. I use the term dating loosely because we haven't had any conversations on boundaries yet or monogamy. That's a problem in itself because she is much more in to me than I am in to her. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy her company but I just haven't felt that spark so I don't know that it's ever going to evolve into anything.My problem relates to the fact that we haven't had that conversation yet but I'm pretty sure she thinks we're exclusive. The other night I had a few too many drinks and hooked up with an old flame. It was definitely just a one night thing and a huge mistake on both our parts. I feel terrible about it even though my friends say that "technically" i didn't do anything wrong because she is assuming we're exclusive.Now i don't know what to do because her birthday is coming up and Christmas. I feel that ultimately I will have to end the relationship but should I tell her about the one-night stand? Also would it be better to wait until after the holidays to tell her that I'm not finding the relationship to be romantically fulfilling? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you very much.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (20 December 2010):
 It can't go great for her either way. Either you dumped her right before the holidays and birthday- what a dick! Or you bought her such and such for her birthday and christmas, why do that just to dump her right afterwards?? What did that mean?? I'm just stating how her emotions and thoughts will work. Since you had sex with someone else and although you don't find it to be cheating but you know she will, you should dump her now. There is no reason to continue through a serious time in a relationship, christmas and birthday gifts etc, when you feel nothing the same and don't want it to ever go anywhere. It isn't fair. I don't think you should tell her you had sex with someone else. Unless of course you want to be certain she will get the point that you want nothing serious with her and for her to move on. And really hurt her more. Sometimes it helps though. Gives closure and she won't wonder why so much. But your decision. Dump her asap. Don't lead her on any more.
A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 If she thinks your exclusive and you let her think that by not clearing up the air than in her mind you two were being exclusive, therefore cheating in her eyes. My suggestion is to break it up ASAP why continue to play with her emotions.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 December 2010):
 One thing I've learned is that technicalities don't matter when it comes to emotions.
What would be better? Breaking up just before the holidays would be bad, but so would continuing to lead her on. I think a clean break is best. No need to talk about the one night stand if you're just breaking up with her anyway. If you're sure you want to break it off, then it's best if you don't wait any longer.
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