A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please no judgment or negative comments. I have been married for about 5 years and about a year ago my husband’s best friend started to be real friendly with me. My husband’s best friend is nowhere near my type. He is not something I would be looking for in a man. He is a major player with 5 kids and 3 different babies moms. My husband works nights and his best friend knows this so little by little, he would ask to come over to talk and I would let him in not thinking anything because that is what we did was talk. After a few months of him doing this, I still did not think anything of it. Until one day, I had gone out to a club with my girlfriends and ran into his best friend there. I was a little tipsy and he offered to take me home. Now I know alcohol is not an excuse but I told him ok no problem thinking he would take me home. Well he ended up driving to a hotel and we ended up having sex. I felt like crap the next day and could not look at my husband in the face for a long time. His friend would keep calling me asking to see me after this and I would tell him no. After sometime passed by I agreed to see him again. He came by the house and we had sex again. Now I know what a lot of you may be thinking but, after year of this going on I have grown really attracted to his best friend and have sex at least once a week. His best friend does live with his girlfriend of 15 years and it is hard for me to accept the fact that he goes home to her and I go home to my husband after all this. I guess it is just a sex thing with him but to me my feelings are now involved. He tells me he wishes things were different between us because he really likes me. Then he will not call me for a few days. Do you think he means what he says about really liking me and being with me or is it just to sleep with me? I mean we have this crazy relationship going on behind closed doors but when we are around each other in front of family and friends, we act as if we do not know each other. After a year of doing this he must have some kind of feelings for me right. A man wouldn’t keep coming back unless they didn’t care. I have stopped taking his calls and ignored him for a while and he kept calling so i figured he does like me but I just can't take much more of this sneaking around. My feelings are getting attached and sometimes it looks like his are also but he backs away. I know he is a player but and does this often but usually the girls are for on time deal. This is going on a year with us. I dont know anymore. Im just very confused and started to get depressed over it
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Girl-e-girl +, writes (17 February 2010):
To be honest, and with no negative comments:
this guy isn't trying to love you, or take care of you, he just wants sex and maybe to just get away from his own problems. Like a drug, he keeps coming back too, but in the end he also is getting more messed up.
If you want to try to save your marriage, you need to stop seeing this guy completely. Maybe you think you love the other guy, and might leave her and ask you to leave your husband, and run away together and live happily- but that's not going to happen.
I know this is really hard for you, but if you don't see the big picture, you are going to lose them both and end up alone.
I think you also might want to think about your husband, I don't think you love him, and you should ask yourself if you still want to be with him.
In any case, the big thing here is lose the player before he does more damage to you.
Take Care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Don't even call that guy a friend.If he was you husband's friend he wouldn't sleep with you.Who needs enemies if you have friends like them?But I see you are more worried about the player's feelings than your husband's.A marriage has no chance of surviving with out love.Before being honest with your husband its better to be honest with yourself.If you don't love your husband its better to accept it to yourself.Yesterday is past.But tomorrow is a new day.Every minute of it is yours.Tell your husband.He is a human being with feelings too.Let him make the choice.
Its never too late to become a better human being ~Mrs.Anon
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Tell ur husband,that's not fair to him, honestly I can't empathize your situation...what u did was wrong especially with his best friend? Yea he deserves to know
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): A man will keep coming back as long as he keeps getting sex when he keeps coming back. There's not much more to say than that. It doesn't have to do with 'feelings' of fondness for you at all. I don't want to address any other part of your post, but that one final question you asked. Do you want to keep this thing going when you're being used as a tool and your husband has unwillingly and unwittingly become a tool as well?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Oh dear. He has you wrapped around his little finger. Of course he has no feelings for you. Look at the facts. He's already a player, with 5 kids with 3 women. He has another girlfriend who he is cheating on. He is doing the dirty on his best friend with you, the wife. That's just for a kick and for sex. If he loved you, he would have left his girlfriend and insisted that he lived with you. You are another woman having an affair and believing all the crap that this guy is telling you. He doesn't love you at all. He's using you for sex. And worst of all he will be laughing at your poor husband, taking pleasure that his wife is cheating with him. Imagine for one second how your loyal husband would feel if he found out his wife and best friend were betraying him. Take a good look at your life and decide what you want. If you want to be nothing to this player who doesn't care about you at all, fine, continue and destroy your marriage. If not, pack some bags, leave your poor husband who you don't love and go and find yourself. But stop this.
...............................
A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (16 February 2010):
Tell your husband and let him decide the outcome. He deserves better and so does the other guys partner.
Remember your vows? Forsaking all others? They are there for a reason.
How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot?
Leave your husband and let him find a decent partner, rather then a slapper who can't keep her legs shut.
Harsh but fair I'm afraid.
...............................
|
