A
female
age
51-59,
*ngelina73
writes:I met this guy online and when i asked him if he lived in Singapore, he told me no, but he would be back four weeks later.I waited for a month and during that month, I spent my time talking to him. I am impressed and instantly know I love the way he thinks, he looks and how i do admire him for his strengths. During this time we also found out how we complement each other. We seem to find a great connection and he chats with me everyday online. But we have been talking daily for the last four months now. Still there is no sign of him moving from Thailand, where he is now, to Singapore. Recently, he keeps telling me he won't fall for it. He thinks I am high maintenance and that I would go for any rich old guy. Not someone like him. He also gets pissed off when I don't immediately see things in the same perspective as him. He think I am inexperienced because I have never lived on my own (I love to stay with my parents) and says I am a princess. He being an Ex-Navy SEAL has a very strong character and is quite a leader and can be authoritative. I am actually a hardworking girl who knows what she wants and knows what is best for me. I felt insulted by what he said about me and thinks he knows me.I am not sure if I should talk to him further. Maybe it is a good thing we have not met? Maybe he being pissed off by me for the last two days are signs that I should just go instead of pissing him off whenever i am chatting with him. He thinks I am a child still.What should I do now? Should i just quietly disappear and never chat with him online anymore. Should I look for others and not pin anymore hopes that he is working on relocating to Singapore (which he keeps saying he is working on)? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): Thanks aunt honesty, you are absolutely right. I gave him the last audio book he requested, this will be the last as I cut off my communication with him entirely. Just move on and start a new life, as if I never met him. Although I have learnt a lot from him, it is time for me to deal with my own life without expecting him to appear before me, where the sense of hope like you said is not healthy for me . I shed enough tears for him, I will shed no more.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2012):
 Am going to tell you the same as I told you back then, stop contact with this man, you can't see it but I can, he is using you, he talks to you every day to keep you sweet, but he has no intention off EVER coming to visit you, or let you visit him. He is just not interested in you that way. You need to stop contact with this man. It's not healthy for you, especially after all this time.
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A
female
reader, Angelina73 +, writes (22 May 2012):
Angelina73 is verified as being by the original poster of the question It's been almost a year since my last post on this question. He continued to talk to me every day and advised me on my fitness programme. I am fitter now , doing well, but still no sight of him. I told him I was going to be in Bangkok this weekend ( giving him notice 2 weeks in advance), he said he hopes to be around and today, he told me he have to be away in Indonesia for a week the day I arrive in Bangkok! I was already prepared that he won't be seeing me. I really do not get it, if he is not keen on me, why talk to me every day? He keeps saying he will be back in Singapore but never tells me what he is doing to make that happen nor give me any tentative date. I know he needs me for the audio and ebooks I have. Maybe that is what's keeping him talking to me. I still am learning from him and he is inspiring to me when it comes to the things he share on how i can improve my life. This makes it hard for me to withdraw from him even if I tried to for the past few months. What should I do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011): Thank you all for taking the time to advise me. It is a consensus that the answer is to leave even though I have not met him.
He has not taken any steps to move here and to tell me he would be moving from Thailand to Singapore in 4 weeks since our first contact was clearly BS which I was reluctant to face.
I will listen to Denise32 and do a gradual downgrade. I think that is best for me to do so. He is as controlling, as Aunt honesty pointed out, a character he has although he denies it and is always telling me he has this admirable logical brain (that I find lacks emotional attachment to me to inspire him to move).
He is just chatting with me because he needs my help in computing which I am about to stop helping over skype and chats. I have taught him a lot of stuff to do on his own But now, it is time for letting go. He is never going to relocate, he never planned to. All the things he said about me are excuses so that he need not make the move.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but its a consensus so I should listen carefully and not be foolhardy. I am sure there will be someone better out there. All the girlfriends he previously had must have left him for the same reason after knowing what he is truly like.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 Well, although he SAYS he is working on moving to Singapore, he evidently isn't.
Him telling you he considers you high maintenance, getting annoyed when you don't see things the way he does, and on and on, are indications (pretty clear ones, at that) that he does not feel the two of you are well suited.
Look at it this way: it isn't as if you've met in person and been seeing one another for months - indeed, even if you have "seen" each other and talked live on Skype (if you have) it STILL isn't the same thing as face to face.
You may THINK you know him - but in reality, you don't. In fact, you're only now beginning to discover some of the "downside" to this man.
In short, you have, so far, very little invested in this friend. If I were you I'd tell him you're going to end it here and now, and say (briefly) your reasons for doing so.
OR, if you don't want to let go completely, I would suggest you downgrade this relationship to that of casual friends, and expect nothing further to come of it. Maye chat once a week, at most, or better yet, once every few weeks.
It's not worth pinning your hopes on him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2011):
 He says he is working on relocating... have you asked him for exactly what he is doing to relocate?
IF he gets pissed at you this early in the relationship and online what's to prevent him from being more angry when you are together in person. People tend to be on their best behhavior early in a relationship...
I have to admit that I would not be interested in an adult male in his 30s who had always lived at home and said it was because he "loved to stay with the parents" Children SHOULD want to grow up and move out of the family nest....
even my disabled adult child lives in an independent group home not with his parents...
if what he thinks upsets you then it's better to walk away now.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (27 October 2011):
I think your best bet is to move on. I personally don't think he has any intentions of moving to Singapore, it sounds to me like he is just leading you on. Plus he has no right to judge you about who you live with or what you do. He is trying to under mind you and it also sounds like he could be very controlling. I think it is best to end conversations with this man and find someone who is closer to home and won't judge you before even meeting you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I think you should tell him straight, tell him that he has completely got you wrong ( be nice at first) say you are an expierenced independent and confident women who has dreams hopes like anyone else. Say that you are sorry if he has read your charecter wrongly.
If he replys postively then maybe that will help you both understand eachother now and can get that issue out of the way.
If he replys negatively or gets pissed off with you then maybe you should say that you think its best if you stop talking because he has clearly misjudged you.
Even if you continue to talk to him keep your eyes pealed for other people on the internet to.
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