A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I stopped seeing each other two weeks ago. We were seeing each other for several months. I will admit that it killed me, but in hindsight I have come to terms that our lifestyles weren't compatible and that this would have happened at some point. I'm trying my hardest to get over him. I haven't tried to contact him, and he lives too far away for me to casually drive by (which is probably a really good thing.) I'm trying like hell to get him out of my head...my house has never been so clean before because I'm using cleaning as a distraction, and I've started hanging out with friends a lot more. Everything I'm doing is a healthy way to get over him. Even when I've gone to bars I've given my phone to a friend so I don't start drunk dialing/texting. This is the problem I'm having: even though I'm plowing through life everyday and trying to live normally, I keep dreaming about him at night. It's been going on for the past four nights, and I'm sick of waking up near to crying. I dream about him just being there, or holding me when I'm asleep, or talking to him on the phone. Last night, I dreamed that I was in his house, and he wasn't there. In my dream he called me, and told me that he would come back, but I needed to let go for now and leave him alone. When I woke up, my mom had opened my door to ask me if I was going to drop her off on my way to work, and I started yelling and screaming at her because I thought she was him. I'm tired of this. I just want to go back to normal and I'm trying hard to get him out of my head. During the day I'm alright and I stopped catching myself yearning for him. I only cried for the first three days after we split. He is the only person I've been with that I had a real connection with, and we truly understood each other. The chemistry between us was unlike anything I had experienced, and that's why I took it so hard. I want desperately to move on and put him in the past, but it's like my subconscious is betraying me and keeps reminding me how much I cared for him and want him. I feel like crap when I wake up in the morning and I think about him. Has anyone else experienced this? And how can I make it stop? I know that there's no way to control your dreams, but I've heard of exercises you can do before bed to create dreams...does it work in reverse?
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drunk, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been a few weeks since I posted this question, and I figured I should give the people who were so nice and sympathetic an update. I looked up the link that was posted by the most recent anonymous female. I downloaded the book through a free website and I looked it over, just out of curiosity. Figuring what the heck, why not try out some of the advice. I sent him an email, telling him I was doing well, and maybe someday we could be friends. He texted me a couple days after that. I positioned myself, and he asked me if I would like to meet him for lunch. We did, and we are back together. He asked me to marry him three days ago.
I'm not saying that would work for everyone, but my god, I couldn't believe it actually worked for us. Thank you to that anonymous female for giving me that link. It really did help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011): Well you're dreaming of him because you are thinking of him so much. You really need to have zero contact with him for a start. Even if you want him back going no contact is the best first step. It helps so that you don't say anything you regret to him and also he will miss you more and more. Also you should delete him off of facebook and whatever other things you have him on so you don't see he's signing in and stuff it will only set you back. There's a lot of really great books to help you out you can check some out over at www.truthfulreviews.net/get-your-ex-back/
Good luck! Try and just have fun with friends for now!
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A
female
reader, CuddlyLovely  +, writes (28 October 2011):
Awwww dear. Here is a big hug for you.
You are doing all the right things - cleaning, spending time with friends, not drunk dialing etc.. Getting over someone, especially if it is someone you had strong feelings for, is extremely hard. Don't expect to get over him overnight. It can be a lengthy process. You gotta stay strong and keep going.
I broke up with an ex not too long ago, and it was very hard. I dreamt about him a few times too. One time I actually dreamt that he proposed to me. It is hard when you wake up and realize it is all just a dream.
Honestly, there is nothing you can do except to stay strong and keep on doing what you do. Time will make everything better. Believe that it can be better.
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A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I think your doing all the right things, you will miss him or the idea of him it's only been a few weeks, I agree with another poster allow yourself time! It does get easier, and talking to people really helps as does watching movies you know he would hate and you love, chocolate and plugging into your iPod before going to sleep, and lying in the middle of the bed, and reminding yourself of the annoying habits!
I think mostly in the first month your feel lonely at night, but it does pass!
Keep on doing everything else your doing all good things to be doing!
Take care
K
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 you are doing all the right things... as Aunt Honesty said it's only been two weeks.
My girl friends and I have always given ourselves 6 weeks to be total mournful slugs when a relationship breaks up.
of course you miss him
of course you mourn the loss of the relationship and what it might have been, even if you know ending it was the right thing...
give yourself permission to mourn and miss him....
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 To be perfectly honest it has only been two weeks so everything is still going to be very raw. The only cure is time. It sounds like you are coping very well compared to how some others would. Just give yourself time. Your dreams are your bodies way of trying to not forget him. It is a clear sign that you are not wanting to forget him or get over him. Just give yourself some time. I know that it can be hard to deal with when you keep dreaming about him and it upsets you but the dreams will die down in time.
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