A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I joined a dating website a couple of months ago. There is a feature where you can see who's checking you out, and I noticed that this one guy kept showing up. I found him really interesting and attractive, so I messaged him. He was really sweet, but told me that he was seeing someone. So I left it at that. Then a couple of weeks later I was walking on a busy street in my neighborhood and I recognized him! I didn't think he'd seen me, but a couple of days later he messaged me and told me he saw me and that he wasn't seeing that girl anymore. So we met up for a date (he's dreamy). Things were going really well, but then he told me that he had been on a few dates with other girls and that he wasn't connecting with anyone. Very shortly after that he told me that he was tired and had to work early, so he cut the date a little short. I got a little freaked out! I felt like we were really connecting, and so I was really put-off by his rejection. The next night I panicked. I sent him a text telling him that he made me nervous because he's so dreamy and that even if we didn't share any sparks I wanted to be friends. I realize that this was really prematurely sent, as neither of us had really had the time to process anything. His response was this : "!!!"What does that mean! I do really like him, I just felt all rejected and panicked. So now I'm not really sure what to do. Should I send him a message and apologize, because I feel like I'm being a bit of a crazy person??...I barely know him, but I want to really bad!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 " !!! " expresses surprise , amazement. He's telling you " what are you going on about ?? " If you want to be optimistic we may read it as " it's cool, why would you feel this way, don't be nervous "- but alas , since he cut your date short and left with an excuse ( " got to work early tomorrow " is a typical code phrase ) it's safer to assume that he is not interested. Also , this !!! comment is very arrogant, he could either have reassured you that you did actually connect, or taken the chance to say sorry I am afraid it did not work or- or well, say something. Anything ! But just !!!.... he's not dreamy , he's rude.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): I wouldnt send him any more texts. Just leave it at that, you dont want to appear desperate and needy, he should be doing the wooing/chasing. There are plenty of other men out there willing and ready to meet you. Dont pin your hopes on just that one even if he was dreamy. He probably knows exactly what he is looking for and is rather upfront about expressing things. I think you would appear more of a "crazy person" if you texted him back. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): "!!!" likely means, "Where did that all come from?!" or WTF?!
He didn't reject you. He could have left early because he was in fact tired. I think you jumped the gun in assuming he wasn't interested.
I'd wait a couple days, and send an email if you can, or better yet, call in person, give a a brief apology for being assumptive and then ask him if he'd like to hang. Texting can make you come across as a bit impulsive...so I'd chose another form of communication.
Resist the urge to pull out your crystal ball when he makes you uncertain.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): You showed too much interest and intensity too soon and it scared him off. Don't make contact with him again and if he ever does ask you out again, you may want to put him off a bit so he doesn't think your are so keen on him and overly available. Let him ask you out twice before you say yes IF he ever calls.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 No apologies necessary. You didn't do anything wrong. Just move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 February 2011):
I have to say, sometimes you girls to pick 'em!
If I was with a girl, and she suddenly said to me on our DATE that she wasn't connecting with people, then got up said she was tired an left because she had to 'work early', my response would be "rude cow isn't worth my time" - and I'd be right.
Your response to this man walking out on your on your date should be the female equivalent! "Rude pig isn't worth your time!!"
You may have felt that you were connecting, but this man was in a world of his own! He had the arrogance to suddenly say that he hadn't connected with women on the site, then got up and walked. What an ass! He dumped you right there on your date! I don't believe for one second that he was tired, or that he had work early the next day. They are both piss-poor excuses from a man who is a sad loser and is probably after a quick one or something.
Even when you tried to talk to him, his response was "!!!". This is not the response of a man worth one second of your time.
You would be insane to ever have anything to do with him again. I'm not even sure he was single. I think he was still seeing someone, and may have left because of that.
This is the exact man that women need to stop pandering to. He's so crap it's beyond belief! He walked out on your first date, and his only response was "!!!". You are worth more than this type of man. Never speak to him again, don't entertain him again. And always, ALWAYS remember that this man treated you like dirt. And learn from it - he might look dreamy, but he's more like an empty cardboard box when it comes down to it.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 February 2011):
 LOL, yeah, that's definitely acting like a crazy person. He was just trying to be honest with you. Jeeze, poor guy...
Be careful apologizing. Something like, "Sorry for the weird text the other night. I'd like to see you again. Let me know you're interested" should work fine.
Keep it simple. Simple is good, especially early on.
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