A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 34 weeks pregnant and I have been married for 7 months. My husband, however, is still visiting a dating site and contacting the women on there. He does let them know that he is married, but he wants them to send him messages and pictures. I only just found out about this today when I got on the computer and the messages hadn't been closed out. He told this woman that she was very attractive and to "not be a stranger". She sent him a picture of her nude. What should I do? I have a low self esteem the way it is and I don't want him to take advantage of that by thinking I'll stay with him "no matter what". Should I put my foot down, or am I over-reacting?
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female
reader, Blondy +, writes (12 June 2009):
 I agree with all the other people, you are NOT overreacting, that is your husband and you are pregnant with his child! What the hell is he doing on a dating site? What is he going to do about any of it? Start cheating once he finds someone attractive? Oh wait, he already did that! Telling another woman she is attractive and having her send him nude photos is a horrible thing to do and in my opinion its cheating. This guy is an ass, confront him, tell him to stop this, or get a divorce.
You really don't need to deal with this because you are a human being and nobody deserves this kind of shitty treatment, ESPECIALLY while you are pregnant! He should be doing all he can to make you comfortable and to make you feel beautiful during this time in your life, not flirting with other women on a dating site and getting nude photos!
I don't know why he would do these things, I hate to say it but with how pregnant you are, and how long you've been married it seems like that is the only reason you got married, to not have the baby out of wedlock, and maybe he doesn't want a marriage with you and was just trying to do what he thought was the right thing. I know that probably sounds mean and I'm sorry, but as an outsider looking at this and with these limited details you've given here, that is what it seems like to me. I don't know you or your relationship, but that could be what he is doing. Either way though this is completely unacceptable and he has got to stop, nobody should do this to their wife, much less their pregnant wife. Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Confront your husband on his cheating via the internet.
I would look him in the eye and let him know how much this hurts you and ask him what he wants to do about it, divorce?
You were pregnant before marriage, is this why you two go married? This is one of the things that should concern you and that you need to let him know how his behavior makes you feel second class and like he was forced to marry you or something. I think you two need counseling right away to get this sorted out. You don't need this kind of crap especially while you are pregnant, you don't need the stress.
I would let him know in no uncertain terms are you going to tolerate this or any other form of cheating, that you would rather be on your own with his child support payments than be treated with such disrespect.
I am sorry he is being such a tool, clearly he needs some help as he has some serious issues. Not your fault, but his own.
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A
female
reader, ohhellNo +, writes (11 June 2009):
Put your damn foot down that is your husband your not going to share him with woman on the internet or anywhere else...tell him you will leave him if he continues to do this becuase it will destroy you emotional and it will take a toll on you physically ive seen it happen...im psychology and sociology major plz talk to him dnt let your marriage fail b/c of something like this!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Put. Your. Foot. DOWN.
7 months in and he's already out there chatting up women? And you're pregnant with his baby? Has he absolutely no regard or respect for you and your marriage? I really think that you need to stand up for yourself here and tell him that this is not acceptable, even if he's telling people that he's married. Clearly he's not telling people that he's completely off the market, or else he wouldn't be a) on a dating site, b) getting nude pictures from women or c) telling women to not be strangers?
I mean, okay. So this seems to be his form of porn - perhaps he enjoys the fact that these women are REAL and maybe it's making him feel "free" to some degree. That he still has options. This doesn't excuse his behavior, because the fact is - he married you. His option is YOU. You, I suppose or divorce, and then he can write to all the women he wants.
I think that you are not over-reacting and you need to confront your husband with what you found. I'm not sure if you'll see it fit to give him a second chance, but I would let him know that this is not what you deserve. Maybe go stay with your parents or a close friend for a few days so that he can think about what he could possibly use. Let him know that he can't take advantage of you... you've got a baby on the way and you want a solid home, a solid relationship and a man you can rely on. You deserve it.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I would be very hurt by that and not stand it at all before i was married and pregnant.
But now that you are, you can't simply break up now can you?
There are many other aspects to consider. This is a problem but not one that is worth a divorce and breaking up the family before it really even gets started.
You do need to have a serious talk about the boundaries of your relationship. How would he feel if the situation were reversed?
Try try try to work it out and come up with a line that neither of you want to cross. let him know how hurt you are. You don't have to forgive him right now, and you don't have to get over it right now but do try to come to some agreement to keep things like this from happening.
It sounds like an approach to cheating so let's make sure it doens't go there.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, lola16182  +, writes (11 June 2009):
You aren't overreacting that is uncalled for. Have you told him yet about you seeing the picture & messages when he didn't close out? If not maybe don't and ask him about what he's doing on the dating site to see if he will tell you the truth. If he denies stuff or won't admit then u know he's a liar...and if he does lie about that, not saying he will, but if he does...you should really take some time to think about what else he might be lying about. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): are you nuts? You married, n pregnant with his child n he's carryin on like one! Put your foot down!!!
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